


Decisions

by SootyOwl



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Crew as Family, Episode: s02e15 Threshold, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Guaranteed happy ending, Janeway and Paris as parents, Kid Fic, Parenthood, lizard babies, yes that episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 59,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23763928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SootyOwl/pseuds/SootyOwl
Summary: Two years after the events of Threshold, Kathryn Janeway and Tom Paris think that they've put that embarrassing incident behind them. That is until a strange alien ship shows up and accuses them of child abandonment. Faced with the consequences of their actions two years earlier, can Kathryn and Tom work together to fix what happened then? After all, choosing to become parents in the unpredictable and often hostile Delta Quadrant is not a decision to take lightly ...
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn Janeway & Tom Paris, Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 253
Kudos: 202





	1. Bolt from the Blue

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever Star Trek fic! I've been toying with this idea for a while and have read some really good fics recently dealing with the consequences of Threshold and thought I'd give my own take on it. The ending of that episode never sat well with me. After all, did the writers really expect us to just gloss over the idea that two of the ship's crew evolved into amphibians and had super-evolved offspring? This fic started out as a bit of silly fun intended to cause a whole lot of embarrassment for poor Tom, but evolved (much like the characters did) into something a bit more serious.
> 
> My timeline for this story may be a little off from canon, but it’s roughly around Season 4. It’s set in 2374, roughly two years after the events of Threshold, and not long after Voyager’s encounter with the Borg and after Kes has left the ship. Tuvok has been promoted and this is before Voyager managed to contact the Alpha Quadrant. Tom and B’Elanna are at the very beginning of their relationship.
> 
> Hope you enjoy 'Decisions', a.k.a. 'What I did during lockdown instead of working from home'.

It was an ordinary shift. It had been an ordinary few weeks. Kathryn hated to admit that she was beginning to feel a little restless. After all, after almost being destroyed by the Borg, she should be welcoming a few weeks of peace and quiet. The ship and her crew certainly needed it. B’Elanna was using the calm to make some upgrades to engineering while the ship travelled at impulse, and Tuvok was running several new security simulations. He’d never admit it, but she knew he’d been put on edge by their recent encounters with the Borg and was determined to keep the crew at full readiness, even though Kes had successfully propelled them beyond Borg space. She couldn’t blame him. She too had been unnerved at how close they’d come to destruction.

Kathryn stretched her neck and uncrossed and re-crossed her legs at her seat on the bridge, sighing. Chakotay glanced at her, a knowing smile playing on his lips.

“Bored, Captain?”

“Terribly selfish of me, isn’t it?” She turned her head and smiled. “The crew are finally able to relax and here I am looking for a little excitement.”

“You’re not the only one, Captain.” Tom had turned around his chair, arms folded across his chest and his shoulders slumped. “I hate to admit it, but a Borg cube right about now would be a welcome distraction.”

“Speak for yourself, Tom,” Harry said darkly from his own station. “I’m still having nightmares.”

“Oh, only a little one,” Tom dismissed with a wave of his hand. “Coupla drones, a few evasive manoeuvres … just enough to get the heart racing.”

“You cannot be serious, Lieutenant.” Seven stared curiously at Tom from her station behind Kathryn. “An encounter with the Borg would in most likelihood result in death or assimilation. Not ‘get your heart racing’.”

“That’s what makes it exciting!” Tom objected. “Come on, Seven. Don’t drones like the thrill of the chase? The adrenaline?”

“No. Such things are irrelevant and only impede the efficiency of a mission.”

“ _Borg_ ,” Tom muttered, shaking his head and turning back around. “You’d think in all their assimilations over the years they’d have learned of the concept of _fun_.”

“ _Fun_ , as you call it,” said Tuvok, with typical Vulcan stoicism, “does not, to my mind, mean wishing to place oneself in danger. I doubt there are many on this ship who would agree with you, Lieutenant.”

“Okay, okay!” Tom held up his hands from the conn. “I know when I’m defeated. All I’m saying is that I wish there was _something_ out there in this dead region of space. And the captain agrees with me too, right?”

Kathryn couldn’t help but smile at the mischievous smile he shot her over his shoulder. She’d long since become used to the degree of informal interactions which took place on _Voyager’s_ bridge. She’d never have dreamed of being part of something like this on any other ship and doubted many other Starfleet captains would allow their crew such freedoms. Yet _Voyager_ was not a normal ship. The crew had been almost entirely unchanged for over four years and had received little in the way of shore leave, meaning that they worked at all times under extreme conditions in very close quarters. Traditional barriers were being broken down all the time as new relationships and ideas of normalcy emerged.

 _Well,_ she thought, turning her head to look at her first officer who was examining a PADD. _Most barriers have broken down_.

As though knowing that she was thinking of him, Chakotay lifted his head and smiled at her again before returning to his PADD. She looked away with a sinking feeling. No, she could never allow herself that luxury, no matter how much it ached sometimes to be so close to him yet so far. Their time on New Earth seemed a million years away, and she could admit to herself, readjusting to life back on board and their professional roles had not been easy.

Chakotay finally put down his PADD and Kathryn noted a small frown cross his face.

“Problem, Commander?” she asked, lowering her voice a little.

“Nothing a few dull hours with the duty rosters won’t fix,” Chakotay said with a sigh, running his hand over his face. “B’Elanna’s modifications to engineering means that her crew are working longer hours than usual. They’re exhausted. I’m going to need to speak with her and arrange a more sustainable timetable. I think she’s just in a rush to get everything completed before something dangerous shows up.”

“I can’t blame her,” Kathryn said. “It’s the first chance we’ve had in a while to really overhaul those systems. I’m just glad someone’s making good use of the lull in activity.”

“Almost _too_ good use,” Chakotay said, shaking his head. “B’Elanna’s become a bit of a tyrant down there, or so I’ve heard. She’s been itching to get dug into those manifolds for months. Woe betide anyone who comes between her and her warp plasma.”

“I’ll try and avoid engineering then,” Kathryn laughed. As Chakotay also began to laugh, the doors to the turbolift opened, and none other than B’Elanna herself entered the bridge. She paused in confusion at the amused looks Kathryn and Chakotay were exchanging.

She came around to Chakotay’s side and handed him a PADD. “I’ve got that formal request for more help in engineering you asked for.”

Chakotay raised his eyebrows. “I’ve only just finished reading the last one you gave me.”

“Forget that,” B’Elanna shook her head impatiently. Her face was clenched. “It’s just not working out down there with who I’ve got. Half of them can hardly hold a hyperspanner up the right way.”

“I’ll consider it,” Chakotay said, half glancing at Kathryn. “In the meantime, why don’t you take a break down there?”

“No chance,” B’Elanna said, looking offended at the thought. “Do you realise what-“

“ _Carey to Torres.”_

B’Elanna was cut off by the sound of the comm and slapped her badge. “Torres here, go ahead.”

“ _There’s been a problem down here, Chief. I can’t seem to get the secondary systems back online. Our monitors can’t-“_

“Understood. I’ll do it from here.” B’Elanna’s jaw tensed and she huffed in frustration as she stomped over to the engineering station and began to stab at various panels with a sour look on her face. Kathryn could have laughed at the barely restrained Klingon fury reflected in her expression. As long as that fury was directed at the warp core and not at her, she’d just let her get on with it. While at times B’Elanna could be spiky and confrontational, Kathryn had never once regretted her decision to appoint her as her chief engineer. Her passion showed through in her work, and Kathryn admired that.

As B’Elanna worked, Kathryn turned her attention away and idly watched the back of Tom’s head as he made some course adjustments. An alert sounded from ops, drawing her attention immediately.

“Captain, I’m detecting a ship approaching our position,” Harry said, eyes on his monitor. “I don’t recognise the configuration.”

“Bring us around, Mr. Paris. On screen,” she said, and the viewscreen immediately lit up to reveal the alien vessel. It was large and seemed to be slowing as it approached.

“They have taken up a position five hundred metres off our bow,” Tuvok informed her.

“They appear to be scanning us.”

“Hail them,” Kathryn ordered. She had to wait a few moments before her hail was accepted. The ship on the viewscreen changed into the image of a humanoid alien male. She did not recognise the species. He appeared tall, with grey skin mottled with black. He was entirely hairless and wore a crisp green uniform which looked exceptionally formal, a small insignia on the left breast. Kathryn prided herself on being a good judge of character and could immediately tell that this man was not to be trifled with. His expression was cold, and there was a barely concealed anger in his dark eyes. He sat rigidly in his seat as he took in their appearance and seemed to be frowning slightly.

“This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager_ ,” she said, holding herself upright in her chair. “Why are you scanning us?”

“This is Administrator Vedal of the Selozian science vessel _Rebenok._ ” His voice was not much warmer than his eyes. “We believe that your ship is harbouring criminals and are scanning to confirm.”

“I assure you, Administrator,” Kathryn said, not liking his tone, “that I harbour no criminals on my ship. We are new to this region of space and unfamiliar with your species.”

“We have been pursuing you for some time,” the alien said, unmoved. “We have heard of this _Voyager_ and suspected the criminals we pursue to be members of its crew. Our scans have confirmed it.”

“I do not appreciate being accosted like this,” Kathryn said firmly. “If you have a grievance, let me hear it, but I take great offence at your insinuations against my crew. Of what crime do you accuse us?”

“The most contemptible of crimes,” the Administrator spat, “one which my species takes incredibly seriously. Child abandonment.”

Of all crimes, this was the one Kathryn had expected the least. She exchanged a quick glance with Chakotay before looking back at Vedal.

“I believe you are mistaken, Administrator. We have only one child on board, and she has most certainly not been abandoned.”

“I refer to infants, Captain,” the alien continued. “Abandoned on a planet several thousand light years away from here. My ship discovered them two years ago and we made it our mission to seek out the parents. Our culture condemns such abandonment, and our laws make it compulsory for us to pursue every case we come across.”

“Our culture also condemns such actions,” Kathryn said, seeing the alien scoff in disbelief. “Our children are precious to us, and any abuse against them is punished severely.”

The Administrator was shaking his head, the look of loathing on his face plain. Kathryn had no idea what to make of this. While she respected the alien’s passion, she was at a loss to explain its cause. Mentally, she began trying to recall details of their missions of two years previous. Had one of her crew had an undisclosed liaison with an alien on one the worlds they’d visited? Could it be possible someone on board was a parent and unaware of it? She knew without even thinking about it that no one on board would have willingly abandoned a child. The idea was preposterous.

“Did you say you have been pursuing us for two years?” Chakotay asked, a thoughtful expression on his face. “We’ve come a long way in that time. How did you keep up?”

Kathryn knew immediately what he meant. Kes had thrown them 9,500 light years closer to the Alpha Quadrant when she left. Was it possible these aliens had the ability to travel such great distances on their own? Was there a potential here for a way home?

“Our technology is vastly superior to yours,” Vedal said with the merest hint of a sneer on his grey lips. “It did not take us long to track you, and we have followed behind relatively closely for some time. Your long period travelling at impulse allowed us to finally catch up.”

“We’d be very interested in technology such as-“

“We will not do any trade with criminals,” Vedal declared, loudly cutting off Chakotay with a look of absolute disgust. “We have come to right the wrong that your ship did. Once that has been taken care of, we will have no further business with you.”

Disappointed, Kathryn tried not to let it show on her face. Perhaps there was still an opportunity here. There must be a reasonable explanation for this, a misunderstanding. If she could perhaps explain what had happened …

Behind her, Kathryn noticed the hiss of the turbolift doors as someone entered the bridge, probably Neelix, possibly hoping to offer his assistance, even though everyone knew his Delta Quadrant knowledge to now be largely exhausted.

“I realise you feel very strongly about this,” Kathryn said, drawing the alien’s attention back to her and adopted her best conciliatory tone. “I would too if there was a child’s welfare at stake. But you have to give us some more information here. As far as I am aware, no member of my crew has deliberately abandoned a child.”

“Your lies are beginning to irritate me, _Captain_ ,” Vedal said. “You cannot hide this. My crew has scanned your ship and matched the genetic signatures. The DNA is a match for a female on your bridge.”

Kathryn stared at him, and then turned to look at B’Elanna and Seven, the only other females on the bridge. They looked as bewildered as she was. It couldn’t be Seven, Kathryn realised, thinking quickly; Seven was still a drone two years ago. And it wasn’t her … which left-

“It isn’t me, Captain,” B’Elanna immediately objected, seeming to realise her deduction. Her face was the picture of astonishment. “I swear! I’d remember if I’d had a child.”

“I believe you,” Kathryn said, immediately making the other woman relax. “Well, it certainly isn’t me either, and it _can’t_ be Seven …” She turned back to the alien on the viewscreen. “You must be mistaken somehow, Administrator. Perhaps if you share your scans with us we can help clear-“

“I am not mistaken!” The alien had slammed his fist down on his console. His grey skin had darkened as the mottling grew more extensive, obviously a mark of his species’ anger. “The scans are very clear. The infant’s mother is on that bridge, and so is the father.”

 _This has to be some sort of a joke,_ Kathryn thought. She looked to Chakotay, then to Tuvok and Harry, all of whom were staring back at her cluelessly. No, they weren’t capable of child abandonment. There had to be something hideously wrong with the alien’s scans. But how to negotiate her way out of this situation without angering him further? If the ship was advanced enough to have tracked them, she wondered unpleasantly what its weapons systems would be like.

Vedal was losing patience with their ignorance. He leaned in towards the viewscreen, eyes glinting unpleasantly.

“I must inform you that I think very little of a species who cares so little for its offspring that they cannot even remember them.” He seemed to breathe heavily for a moment before leaning back, anger fading to a dull simmer. “It seems I must remind you of their existence. We were surveying an uninhabited star system when our sensors picked up faint life signs in a jungle near the equator on one of the planets. Upon approach, we discovered three infants, all of whom were close to death thanks to a deterioration in the planet’s atmosphere. We rescued the infants but were only able to save one. I must admit, they looked remarkably different to your people, but the DNA does not lie.”

Something inside Kathryn seemed to clench tightly, and her body went rigid. It _couldn’t_ be …

“We at first believed them to be simple creatures,” Vedal continued, oblivious to Kathryn’s growing horror, “but preliminary brain scans showed them to be capable of complex sentience. You can imagine our disgust. What sort of society abandons three of its young on an uninhabited planet, leaving two of them to die? We identified a faint warp signature around the planet and have been tracking it ever since. Lie as you might, Captain, we _know_ your ship was in orbit of that planet, and we _know_ that two people on your bridge are the parents of those creatures. Do you still deny it?”

Time seemed to stand still for Kathryn. Breathing suddenly seemed difficult. This … this was impossible. It just _couldn’t_ be happening. Her entire body was numb as a growing realisation swept over her. She did not think she could move, let alone answer the alien’s question.

As she sat there, struck dumb by the revelation, she saw Tom turn around in his seat to look at her, his face reflecting the same profound shock she knew her own must be showing. Their eyes met and she froze, utterly speechless for the first time in her life. He had paled dramatically, and she knew she could not look any better.

 _Well, Tom,_ she thought wryly, _looks like we’re getting that excitement after all._


	2. Ultimatum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the response to the first chapter! Forgot to mention, but this fic will be a mix of POV, mostly Janeway and Paris, but also with some Chakotay thrown in.

Kathryn was staring at the viewscreen, desperately wishing she knew what to say. Captains weren’t supposed to be struck dumb like this. But she was numb with shock. She blinked rapidly for a few moments, swallowed, and opened her mouth, but no sound came out. The alien waited impatiently, his displeasure growing by the second.

“Do you deny it, Captain?” Vedal prompted angrily. “Is your ship responsible for abandoning those infants on that planet?”

Kathryn cleared her throat and clutched her arm rests in a death grip. “Yes,” she finally managed to say. “We were, but …”

She trailed off, unsure of how to proceed. How could this possibly be explained?

Tom looked in an even worse state than she was. His eyes were wide, and he kept running his hands over his face and his eyes, as though trying to make himself wake up. He was sitting side on, conn abandoned, hunched over in his seat.

“Oh, my God,” he muttered to himself. “Oh, my God.” He screwed up his face behind his hands for a brief moment before looking at Vedal, and then back at Kathryn. He seemed to flinch. “ _Oh, my God._ This isn’t happening.”

“Captain, they’re scanning us again,” Harry called out. She glanced to him as he looked at his displays, noting the profound confusion on his face. He didn’t know, of course, not the full truth anyway. No one did. No one except from her, Tom, Chakotay, Tuvok and The Doctor. The full events of that incident were a closely held secret on Chakotay’s original orders, possibly to save her and Tom’s blushes.

A bleeping sound from the other ship drew her attention back to Vedal. The Administrator glanced down at his monitors and started visibly with surprise, before looking back up at _Voyager_ , anger seemingly worse than before, his entire skin flushing black.

“We have just completed a further and more detailed scan of your bridge,” he said. “It appears that _you_ are the mother of those infants, Captain.”

Kathryn heard gasps from Harry, B’Elanna and Neelix, but couldn’t look at them. Her heart was racing.

“I find your lack of maternal instinct inexcusable, Captain,” the alien said. “Your lies of before are now even more reprehensible. A captain mating with a member of her crew would be completely unacceptable on our world. Is that why you abandoned them? To cover up your shameful acts?”

This was rapidly getting worse, Kathryn thought. She forced her brain to start thinking more clearly.

“This … it isn’t what you think-”

“Do not attempt to rationalise yourself, Captain. Are you the biological mother of those infants?”

Kathryn swallowed hard, trying to look professional.

“Well, technically, but-”

“There is no but, Captain!” the alien looked more enraged than ever. “Yes, or no?”

“Yes,” Kathryn said, her voice a little firmer. “I am.”

“And the father? He is the fair man in red who sits in front of you?”

Tom groaned and hid his face in his hands. “Oh, my _God._ ”

“Yes, he is,” Kathryn, her heart going out to her poor helmsman. He looked as if he wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole. She imagined she did too.

From the corner of her eye, Kathryn saw that B’Elanna had frozen, and Kathryn felt an outpouring of sympathy for her too. Her and Tom’s relationship was so new, what effect would this revelation have on it?

“You must understand, Administrator,” she said, meeting the alien’s eyes. “This was a … a very unusual situation. We … you see … it …”

She could see the Administrator’s head shaking, and she knew she was coming off terribly. _Get a grip, Kathryn!_

“I am not interested in hearing you attempt to run from your guilt. Child abandoners are not easily forgiven in our society.” The sheer contempt in his tone sent spikes of fear through Kathryn’s body. Would the other ship attack as punishment?

“It isn’t what you imagine,” she said, trying to come up some way to explain this bizarre situation. “Those … offspring. They weren’t … they weren’t normal children.”

“No, they were very sick by the time that we reached them,” the alien said. “Is that why you abandoned them?”

This was getting worse and worse. She needed to deescalate this situation. And she didn’t think she could do that right now with her entire senior staff watching. Poor Tom looked as if he was about to collapse.

“I am willing to discuss this with you, Administrator,” she said, adopted her best captain’s voice, “in private.”

“So you can continue to conceal your guilt?” The Administrator continued glaring at her. “Very well. But make no mistake, Captain. You _will_ answer for this.”

“Mr. Kim, transfer the Administrator’s channel to my ready room,” she ordered, standing up as soon as the image disappeared from the viewscreen. Her legs felt oddly shaky, but she disguised it as well as she could as she marched over to her ready room. Upon reaching the door, she hesitated, and turned back to look at Tom, who was still frozen in his chair, head slumped. “I think you’d better come too, Lieutenant.”

Tom looked up at her, and his eyes widened. Slowly, he stood up, body stiff as he began to move towards her. He kept his eyes down, and did not look at Harry, or B’Elanna who both stared at him. Together they entered the ready room and the door slid shut behind them. Only then did Kathryn let out the breath she’d been holding and clasp her hands over her mouth. She felt almost dizzy. How could such a quiet shift have turned into this?

Sensing Tom standing behind her uncertainly, she moved to her desk and pulled her personal computer towards her, tapping a few panels to bring up the image of the Administrator once more. Tom took up a position in front of the desk, then sat down in one of the chairs, hands twisting in his lap, before standing up and coming to the other side of her desk to look at the image, standing behind her hesitantly, keeping a considerable distance between them as he shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot. Kathryn decided to try and ignore him and his embarrassment for now and fixed her attention back on the Administrator. He still did not look pleased.

“Are you ready to face up to your responsibility now, Captain?” Vedal asked, frowning.

Kathryn breathed in deeply for a moment before answering. “I feel I must explain the situation to you, Administrator. There has been a gross misunderstanding. Lieutenant Paris here-” she noticed Vedal’s eyes narrow at he looked at Tom behind her “-engaged in a test flight of a new technology we had hoped would allow us to travel to our home faster. Unfortunately, the result of this experiment was that he underwent a … transformation, a hyper-evolution. Whilst in that state, he was in not in control of his actions. He incapacitated me and fled the ship to travel to the planet you mentioned. I also underwent the same transformation and we … mated, the result of which were the three offspring you found. As you are no doubt aware, they were remarkably different to our own appearance. My ship caught up with us and managed to restore our original genetic structures, and my first officer made the decision to leave the infants behind in an environment which appeared entirely suitable for them.”

Vedal had remained silent through this explanation, his face showing no emotion whatsoever other than his continued displeasure. Tom was still behind her, and she could sense his discomfort with her explanation. It had taken a long time for either of them to look each other in the eye after the incident without embarrassment. It seemed that they were back to square one.

Vedal was shaking his head. “I cannot believe you are attempting to justify this. We are already aware that the infants were radically different from your own species. But that you still chose to leave them behind is unimaginable. They may not have resembled you, but they were your responsibility none the less.”

“I assure you, we believed that the infants would be well looked after on that planet-”

“Looked after? They were alone!” Vedal looked incredulous. “That planet was unstable, and conditions changed rapidly. Did you even investigate the planet to any degree? Or were you simply happy to leave behind three infants who may prove inconvenient or embarrassing?”

Kathryn opened her mouth to defend herself but found that she could not. The Administrator was not wholly off the mark. They _hadn’t_ studied the planet in any great detail, and she admitted to herself that she hadn’t much cared for investigating further. Her situation looked suddenly very tenuous. It appeared that to the Selozians, they had committed a grave crime, and she did not have a leg to stand on. As much as she detested the term ‘child abandonment’ she could not deny that that was, in essence, exactly what they had done.

The Administrator seemed to realise she had been defeated, and he sat back with a satisfied smirk. “Now that I have impressed upon you the seriousness of the crime you committed, I must inform you of the action which must now be taken.”

“Are we being arrested?” Tom had finally found the words to say, not quite disguising a subtle tone of panic in his voice.

“Not exactly,” the Vedal said, though his expression clearly indicated he wished it were otherwise. “Our laws dictate that the parents be granted a second chance at raising their child. If they agree, and take on the child, no further action will be taken. Unless of course they are found to have abandoned the child again, in which case, the only recourse is imprisonment.”

“And if we don’t agree?” Kathryn felt a sinking feeling in her gut as she waited.

Vedal’s eyes glinted. “If you do not agree, the infant will be taken to our homeworld and placed in an institution where it can be nurtured appropriately. You and your crew will be free to go, but be warned that you will have made an enemy of the Selozian Confederacy. You are entering a region of space where we dominate many systems. No Selozian vessel or settlement will consent to trade with you, assist you, or have dealings with you in any way. Any territorial incursions will be met with immediate and harsh retaliation. Believe me, Captain,” he said, glowering at her, “you do not want us as your enemy.”

_Well, he doesn’t have to tell me twice,_ Kathryn thought. Judging by the alien’s hostility, his species was one they could not afford to antagonise.

“I see I have your attention, Captain.” Vedal made a few entries into a display panel on his ship before looking back up at her. “I will allow you and your lieutenant to transport to my ship along with one of your own medical personnel if you choose to view the infant and make your own confirmations of its identity. You have twenty hours to make your decision.”

The viewscreen went blank, but Kathryn continued to stare at it for several moments. She exhaled loudly. What the hell was she to do now? A headache worse than anything she had ever experienced came upon her at warp speed.

“Captain-” Tom began hesitantly, but Kathryn held up her hand to cut him off.

“No, not yet. Coffee first.”

She stood and strode over to her replicator at an unseemly speed.

“Coffee, black. Now.”

The whirr of the replicator faded away and she fell upon her coffee like a woman dying of thirst, relishing the rush of warmth and the familiar boost which surged through her.

“Captain, d’you mind if I …”

“Go ahead, Lieutenant.” She waved him on and said nothing as Tom made his own drinks order, one which was decidedly more ‘Irish’ than her own. This was hardly the time for formality and regulations.

She stalked up and down her ready room, hands nursing her coffee as she tried to force her mind into thinking rationally. The shock was beginning to wear off now. She was in a fix, whatever way she looked at it. In times such as these, she’d turn to Starfleet codes and regulations, but that was hardly an option. She doubted ‘what to do when the mutant offspring you had with your helmsman shows up unexpectedly’ was ever anticipated by the top brass at Starfleet Command.

Tom on the other hand had barely moved, already finished his own drink. She felt sorry for him, despite her own worries. As captain, she needed to take control of this. She drained her cup and set it down on her desk and grimaced. Time for some awkward conversations.

“Tom,” she began, deciding to drop the formalities form the beginning, “I know you’re a little in shock right now, but we need to discuss this.”

“Shock? I’m not in shock!” Tom’s voice was a little higher than usual. He looked at her, eyes wide. “I mean, what should I expect right? Just another day in the Delta Quadrant.”

“I appreciate this is a bit of a strange situation-”

“You’d think I’d be used to that by now,” Tom said, voice still unusually high, running his hand through his hair. “ _Voyager_ ’s had its fair share of weird over the years. I just never thought angry aliens would show up one day and demand I take in the mutated progeny I had with my captain!”

She didn’t know what to say to that; it was too similar to her own current thinking. Now that he was talking, he seemed unable to stop and began pacing in front of her.

“I- I don’t know what to think, Captain. This is … I _never_ thought …” He turned to her with trepidation in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Captain. Everything that happened back then … it was my fault. I’m sorry. I never thought this would happen. I’ve only ever wished to just forget about it- pretend it never happened.”

“So did I, Tom,” she admitted. “I told myself to put it all behind me, and that’s what we managed to do. And I hope you know, I _never_ blamed you for what happened.”

“It was my stupid decision to go for the warp ten flight,” he said, fingers at his temples, probably feeling the same headache as Kathryn was. “Everything that happened after that is on me.”

“No one could have predicted it, Tom,” Kathryn said, as soothingly as she could. She almost reached out to place her hand on his arm, before deciding against it. Personal contact with her was probably _not_ what he needed right now.

She turned away instead, her arms folded tightly across her chest. The sinking dread in her stomach was worse than ever. At that moment, all she wanted to do was run to her quarters and curl up in bed until it was all over, to hide from the embarrassment and awkwardness which was sure to follow. It was an instinct she fought hard, as she always did. She had to deal with this.

“Tom,” she said, turning back to her helmsman and forcing him to look at her. “I was more than happy to never talk about this again, pretend that those creatures never existed. And that was easy. Neither of us could remember it, neither of us would ever bring it up and the planet was thousands of lightyears behind us.” She took a step closer to him. “But we can’t do that now. It’s no longer something remote, or some embarrassing incident we can just block out. It’s here. It’s real. We have to face it.”

He stared at her a long moment before nodding hesitantly. He pulled at the neck of his uniform a little and laughed nervously. “So, basically, what you’re telling me is … don’t freak out?”

“More or less,” she said, attempting a smile.

Tom returned it as best he could and took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, he looked slightly more at ease.

“All right. Then, what do we do? Do we make _another_ new enemy in this quadrant, or do I get started on installing a fish tank in my quarters?”

“Let’s just take it one step at a time,” Kathryn said, pleased he was now a bit calmer. “First things first. We need to get The Doctor over there to confirm if these aliens are telling the truth, though I believe they are. We should go too.”

Tom nodded and let out a long breath. “You mean, go and meet our precious little mutant?”

“That’s right,” Kathryn said, turning away from him for a moment, looking out her window to see the distant form of the ship in one corner. “Maybe once we’re over there, we might have a better idea of what’s to be done.”

Tom did not answer her, and she knew he was thinking the same as she was. What exactly were they going to find over there?

And what were they going to do with it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. On the Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading and commenting so far!

Chakotay watched in stunned silence as the ready room doors closed behind Kathryn and Tom. He wasn’t quite sure what he had just witnessed.

The bridge was silent, with even the usual hum of the engines and occasional beeps of the panels seeming to be blocked out. Chakotay felt as if he’d just been hit over the head with a hammer. This certainly was not what he had expected of his shift this morning.

“What … the _hell_ … was that?” B’Elanna seemed to find her voice finally and stared around the silent bridge.

“I have no idea.” Harry looked across at her, face slack in astonishment. “That- he didn’t mean-”

“Tom and the captain have _kids?”_ B’Elanna’s voice was rising. “When? _How?_ ”

“I had assumed you were familiar with the process of human reproduction, Lieutenant Torres,” Seven said, voice as matter-of-fact as ever. “Must I enlighten you?”

B’Elanna screwed up her face in disgust. “I can’t even- _urgh_ \- this is _so_ wrong.”

“This can’t be true, can it?” Harry looked to Chakotay and then to Tuvok. “It’s all some big misunderstanding, right?”

“Unfortunately, Ensign, it is the truth,” Tuvok said. His face was stoic, yet Chakotay could swear he looked troubled. “Two years ago, Captain Janeway and Lieutenant Paris did indeed produce three children.”

“Hardly children, Tuvok,” Chakotay said, thinking back to the creatures they had discovered, an image he had long since tried to block out. “I … I don’t know _what_ to call them.”

“You knew about this?” B’Elanna turned on them both, her Klingon fury rising to the surface. “Both of you? Why did you never say anything?”

“Captain Janeway and Lieutenant Paris wished to keep the entire affair private,” Tuvok said, not fazed by her anger in the slightest. “The only other crew member aware of the situation is The Doctor. You did not have clearance.”

“To hell with clearance,” B’Elanna fumed. She turned her glare on Chakotay, and he suspected only he could see the hurt which lurked behind her eyes. “You want to tell me now how my boyfriend ended up having three kids with his boss? Or are you going to just wait for the next alien ship to show up with Harry’s long-lost twins?”

Chakotay hesitated, unwilling to broach the subject with the captain absent. Yet, as he caught a glimpse of the alien ship still on the viewscreen, he reconsidered. What did it matter now? It was impossible to stop this getting out.

“You remember the experiments Tom did on breaking the warp ten threshold, right?” he began. He saw B’Elanna nod warily. “Well, it … happened around then. You remember how disorientated and violent he was?”

“I have read of the incident in _Voyager’s_ logs,” Seven said, sounding intrigued. “Lieutenant Paris stunned the captain and took her with him when he fled the ship on the warp ten enabled shuttle. I do not, however, recall any mention of children.”

 _That’s because the captain didn’t mention it in her log,_ Chakotay thought as he glanced at her. _It’s only in mine. She probably wanted to avoid even thinking about it._

B’Elanna’s eyes had gone wide and she covered her mouth with her hand. “You mean … when he kidnapped the captain … when they were on that planet … he … oh my _God_.”

She collapsed back in her seat looking weak with shock. Harry also looked stunned.

“They were only there three days!” he stuttered.

“That,” said Tuvok with a raised eyebrow, “is all that it takes, Ensign.”

“But- but- that’s unbelievable-”

“More unbelievable than the captain somehow hiding the fact she was pregnant with triplets for nine months, Harry?” Chakotay asked, smiling grimly. “Believe me, it was a shock for us too.”

“But the babies …” B’Elanna began uncertainly. “They … they were hyper-evolved too?”

“Yes,” Chakotay said, fighting a mad urge to laugh. “As soon as Tuvok and I approached they slithered down into the swamp.”

“And you left them there?” B’Elanna’s anger had returned in full force. “How could you do that?”

“They were lizards!” Chakotay said, bemused. “They had _tails_ for crying out loud.”

“Technically, Commander,” said Tuvok, “they were closer to salamanders.”

Chakotay shot him an exasperated look. “You remember what Tom was like, B’Elanna. They weren’t human. They seemed perfectly suited to their environment. I thought leaving them there was in their best interests.”

“Two of them are dead!”

“And I’m sorry for that,” Chakotay said sincerely, surprised at the flicker of guilt he felt. “But I didn’t know what to do with them at the time short of setting up a swamp in the cargo bay!”

“It is a fascinating concept,” Seven interrupted thoughtfully, seemingly oblivious to the emotions involved. “Hyper-evolution leading to a form which appears to be a return to a primordial state. The offspring would have made an interesting study. It is a contradiction to Borg beliefs.”

“It’s weird,” Harry said shortly, staring at her. “The captain and Tom … _lizard babies?”_

“Salamanders, Ensign.”

B’Elanna still looked furious. “What right did you have to leave them there?” She glared at Chakotay. “I don’t care if they were giant lizards- or _salamanders_ \- or whatever, but they were their _children. Y_ ou had _no idea_ what impact leaving them there would have on them, on the ecosystem of that planet … even on Tom or the captain! Did you even ask them their opinion before leaving orbit?”

Chakotay felt the guilt rising once again. Much as he hated to admit it, she had a point. The thought of the two dead infants disturbed him more than he had anticipated. Truth was, he hadn’t thought of it that way at the time. They had seemed like animals. Over the years whenever he did think back to that incident, which wasn’t often, he did wonder whether he’d made the right call. Kathryn had never discussed it with him, and he had been loath to bring it up.

“No, we did not,” Tuvok answered, seeing that he wasn’t going to. “And neither the captain nor Lieutenant Paris ever expressed any desire to return for their offspring.”

“That doesn’t make it right!” B’Elanna had stood up again, and Chakotay was secretly glad there was a workstation between them when he saw the fury in her eyes. “They were _hyper-evolved._ They were probably sentient, intelligent creatures. How could you even consider it?”

“They looked pretty happy swimming around to me,” Chakotay defended himself, though he knew he was on the losing side here. An iron weight seemed to have settled somewhere in his chest. “Tom had flown to that planet deliberately. It was where the … the ‘mutant Tom’ wanted the offspring to be born. It seemed like the best decision at the time. _Voyager_ wasn’t a suitable environment for them.”

“To hell with that kind of excuse, Chakotay!”

“Lieutenant Torres,” Tuvok’s voice had turned stern. “Remember that you are addressing your commanding officer.”

B’Elanna scoffed and fell back into her chair, arms crossed and mumbling to herself.

“Well, I agree with B’Elanna,” Neelix said, coming down from his position in front of the turbolift to look Chakotay full on. “I am appalled, frankly. I thought Humans cared more about their offspring than this. Why, you’d never even consider abandoning a pet!”

“I was not about to keep the offspring of _Voyager’s_ captain and her chief helmsman as ship’s pets!” Chakotay said, hating the look of judgement on Neelix’s face. He sighed and rubbed his temple, calming himself a little. “It would not have been fair to them if they truly were sentient. Nor would it have been fair on the captain or Tom.”

“They were both incredibly embarrassed by the incident,” Tuvok remarked. “Keeping them was not something that they wanted. The infants did not appear to be helpless. Indeed, most amphibious creatures do not require parental care after birth.”

“Still seems wrong to me,” Neelix said, and B’Elanna nodded. Even Harry looked uncertain.

Chakotay looked away from them and began focusing his attention on the screen inside his arm rest, viewing the scans Harry had made of the alien ship to avoid looking at the judgemental stares of his crew. Neelix sat down close by, and the others sat at their stations, working, or at least pretending to work in silence.

Chakotay read the readouts of the other ship, trying to distract himself, which failed miserably when he noticed that there were indeed Human lifesigns on board. His heart seemed to clench. _Kathryn’s child …_

He looked away from the scans and tried to fight the rising discomfort. He had never really considered those creatures as her _children_. Had she? He did not think so; at least, she had never mentioned them when talk in their late night dinners had tentatively turned to the future, of marriages and starting families. Had she secretly resented him all along for his decision to abandon her offspring? The thought he had caused any amount of pain to her was repellent. He’d give anything to avoid it.

Despite his best efforts, his eyes turned more than once to the closed doors of the ready room, desperately wishing he were on the other side. He wanted to be with her, to help her through this. He had never seen her so astonished or so uncertain of herself before. He was worried about her, though he knew rationally that she was more than capable of looking after herself. Chakotay cared about her, a lot more than he probably should.

Everyone jumped when the doors finally slid open. The captain looked strained, but a steely determination had come into her eyes which Chakotay recognised immediately. Even Tom looked calmer; he no longer looked as if he would bolt at least. What had they discussed?

“Ensign Kim, contact sickbay and inform The Doctor that he’s to meet us in transporter room 2,” she announced, her voice calm and controlled, a stark contrast to her condition of before. "We will be beaming to the alien ship. Tell him to bring his field kit.”

“Captain, is this wise?” Chakotay immediately inquired.

“Honestly, Commander, I have no idea.” She shook her head as she moved towards the turbolift, Tom following in her wake. “But I’m going anyway.”

“Captain, I do not think you should beam over there without a security detail.” Tuvok’s objection was, as ever, entirely logical, but the captain dismissed it.

“That won’t be necessary, Mr. Tuvok. I don’t think they intend to harm us. Keep a transporter lock on us anyway.”

“Captain-” Chakotay tried one more objection, but the doors had slid shut on the two of them, leaving the bridge as silent as before.

He sank back down in his chair, frustrated at being kept in the dark, at allowing his captain to depart on an away mission without security, but knew he would not change her mind. The image of her no-nonsense ‘battle face’ as it had been hidden behind the turbolift doors lingered with him.

Was that the face of someone who resented him for what he had done? Did she blame him for the death of her two offspring?

Unfortunately, he did not think he would be finding out any time soon.

Upon seeing that everyone on the bridge had turned to face him, he cleared his throat and masked his own worry.

“Looks like we’ll be here for some time. Everyone, back to work.”


	4. A Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading and commenting!

Tom trailed after the captain feeling rather like a lost puppy as the bulkheads passed him by in a blur. He wasn’t quite sure how he was still walking. He’d never experienced such a shock in his life. He’d tried so hard, so _damn hard_ , to forget the entire humiliating incident and here it was popping up again to bite him in the ass.

The captain said nothing to him as they made their way to the transporter room, but she didn’t need to. He knew she too was experiencing the same feelings of horror and bewilderment that he was. Only thing was, she was better at hiding it. Thank God she seemed calm about it at least; if it wasn’t for her he’d be running to the nearest airlock.

He’d never once stopped to consider his ‘lizard babies’ before; he’d never wanted to. As far as he was concerned, it was one of the biggest screw-ups of his life and he wanted no reminders of that. How many other Starfleet lieutenants could say they’d transformed into a lizard, kidnapped their captain and then impregnated her with his mutant kids? As much as Janeway said she didn’t blame him and had laughed it off at the time, he couldn’t help the guilt. If he’d done this in the Alpha Quadrant, he wondered if she would have been so forgiving. Could he be brought up on charges for this? Were there even charges _for_ situations like this?

The Doctor was waiting for them outside the transporter room, and Tom was infuriated to see he looked almost delirious with glee.

“Ah, there you are,” he smiled as they approached. “I must say, what an exciting away mission!”

“Exciting?” Tom repeated. “Didn’t Harry tell you what happened?”

“Yes, and I cannot _wait_ to get over there,” The Doctor continued as they entered the transporter room and took their positions on the pads. “It was always a great regret of mine that Chakotay did not have those creatures brought on board. I would have appreciated a chance to study them. Who knows what medical advances could have been waiting for us in the DNA of a hyper-evolved Human?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Tom asked as the transporter chief began preparing the coordinates. He shuddered as he remembered the details of his transformation. “What could possibly have been good about those … things?”

“Now, Mr. Paris, that’s a little harsh. That’s your children you’re talking about. Granted, _your_ DNA was practically primordial already, but the captain’s-“

“Energise.” The captain’s voice cut through their conversation, and Tom shut up as he experienced the familiar sensation of transporting.

When he had rematerialised, he squinted in the sudden onslaught of light which fell upon him. The Selozians, it seemed, like bright ships. _Really_ bright ships.

As his eyes adjusted, he observed that the captain had descended from the transporter pad they were on and was speaking to Vedal, the sour faced Administrator from before. He was at least half a metre taller than her, and the way he had to lean down to address her was distinctly unfriendly. Like their ship, Selozians were _big_.

“-Lieutenant Tom Paris and my Chief Medical Officer.” Janeway was introducing them. To her credit, Tom did not see any insecurity on her face, despite the way the alien was looming over her. Tom stepped down next to her and also looked up at the alien. He was even more intimidating close up than he had been over the viewscreen.

“I will take you to our medical bay,” Vedal said. “The child is there. My medical technician can explain to you what treatments we gave it.”

Janeway agreed, and the lot of them started following the tall alien down the corridor of their ship. Tom felt queasy, like he’d had too much of Neelix’s leola root stew. His heart began to race as he thought of what awaited them. What sort of treatments had they given the creature? He wondered idly if their medical bay had some sort of aquarium for it.

They arrived at a set of double doors which the Administrator unlocked with a few taps at a wall panel. Tom waited as the doors slid open, and his stomach churned even more. He was not sure he wanted to see the creature, wanted to be reminded of what _he_ had been. He had always been glad that neither Chakotay nor Tuvok had thought to take holo-images of the creatures before they left the planet. He was happier not knowing.

The medical bay, like everything else on board seemed huge, and they walked along what felt like half the length of the ship before they came to a halt in one corner where a female Selozian was waiting for them in a smaller alcove, dressed in a similarly formal uniform as Vedal. She frowned at their approach but said nothing.

“This is Medic Taryl,” the Administrator announced. “And _these_ are the child’s parents, plus their Doctor.”

The contempt in his voice at the last statement was clear, but Tom hardly cared. He was too busy looking around, unable to see a tank or flash of a tail anywhere. There was a surgical bed, a workstation and a few monitors, as well as some comfortable looking chairs, but no sign of a mutant baby.

The medic did not look overly joyed to see them, which Tom had expected. These people _really_ seemed to hate them. He couldn’t imagine any other species caring so much about the abandoned offspring of other cultures.

The Administrator left them, and the medic invited them to sit, which they did, Tom perched upon the edge of his seat. He felt almost like a naughty schoolchild being reprimanded before his teacher. He vividly recalled several meetings like this in his time at the Academy.

“Despite the horrible circumstances, I must say, I have found this case to be one of my most interesting,” Taryl said, looking between them all. “The children we discovered on the planet appeared nothing like either of you.”

The Doctor launched into an explanation of the hyper-evolution of Tom and the captain, and Tom wanted to bury his head in his hands for the hundredth time that day. How many times did that story have to be recounted? The medic listened intently however and seemed fascinated.

“That explains a great deal,” she said, nodding. “We were very confused at what we discovered. The child’s DNA and molecular structure was a great mystery to us, and I am afraid that is part of the reason we could not save the other two. We studied it intently and began to make some educated guesses. Its DNA had deteriorated rapidly due to a natural change in the planet’s atmosphere and we made some … interesting discoveries when we attempted to restore it. Anti-proton treatments seemed to be most effective.”

“That’s what we used to restore the Lieutenant and the Captain to their original selves,” The Doctor said, nodding enthusiastically. We were able to destroy the mutated DNA and restore them using traces of their original DNA.”

“Ah, that explains it,” Taryl said, eyes lighting up. “We did wonder …”

“Explains what?” Janeway asked, voice suddenly sharp.

Taryl turned to her, and seemed to smile a little, the first friendly sign her species had given them all day. “I think it’s time to meet your child, Captain. After we administered the treatments, we placed the child into stasis to protect it. We did not bring it out again until we came within scanning range of your vessel.”

The medic turned around and pressed a few panels in the wall behind her and stepped back. With a whooshing sound, a section of the wall slid outwards to reveal a long drawer of clear glass roughly the size of a small crib. Beside him, The Doctor, who had withdrawn his tricorder in readiness, dropped it in shock.

Tom barely noticed, for all his attention was taken up by the sight of the creature contained within the glass chamber and he once again felt like he was about to pass out.

There was no lizard baby, no mutant, no sign of the wriggly amphibian he had been expecting.

“It’s a _baby_!” he cried, eyes fixed on the tiny little form before him. “Captain, it’s an actual _baby.”_

Janeway seemed to have frozen alongside him and could not find the words to say anything. Tom couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Inside the chamber was a Human infant, a beautiful, perfect little child wearing a white body suit. It wriggled and squirmed in its bed, and a soft mewling sound came from its throat as its arms and legs flailed. From what he could see, there was certainly no sign of a tail.

_This is a dream_ , he thought to himself, blinking rapidly. _How can this possibly be real?_

The Doctor seemed to have recovered more quickly than either him or the captain and had stood up to examine the child. He ran his tricorder over the length of the child several times, face tight with concentration.

“I can confirm it, Captain,” he said, looking up from his displays. “The child is the genetic offspring of you and Mr. Paris. Thanks to being placed in stasis, it appears to be the equivalent of two months in age. Congratulations the pair of you. You have a daughter.”

_A daughter_.

Tom couldn’t move. He suddenly found it hard to breathe. Words seemed to catch in his throat. He couldn’t take his eyes off the baby, _his_ baby. A little girl. His daughter.

“How is this possible?” Janeway had suddenly come to life beside him. She looked up at The Doctor. “How can it be … like this?”

“Our treatments found it difficult to stabilise the child’s DNA,” the medic explained. “We turned instead to the genetic traces left by the parents to help restore its molecular structures after the proton treatments. We were exceptionally surprised to see the transformation.”

Janeway had gotten to her feet and hesitantly approached the chamber, the medic standing aside to allow her access. She stared down into the child’s face, eyes wide, jaw gaping. Slowly, she reached out and touched her hand to the child’s cheek.

“Is she alright?” the captain asked, voice barely more than a whisper.

“She’s perfectly healthy, Captain,” The Doctor said, a soft smile coming to his lips. “A little undernourished perhaps, and of course developmentally she’ll be a little delayed as a result of her early life, but it’s nothing we can’t treat on _Voyager.”_

_On Voyager._ The Doctor’s words rang in his ears. Tom’s heart thudded ever more painfully.

Janeway continued looking down at the child and Tom saw her face soften as her fingers gently stroked the child’s skin. The child turned to look at her and seemed to respond to her touch by babbling happily.

“We think perhaps she may recognise her parents by scent,” the medic stated. “Our scans have revealed a few marked abilities, such as a profoundly developed sense of smell. Possibly a result of this hyper-evolution you mentioned.”

“Our scent?” Tom finally managed to burst through the haze and speak. He stared at the chamber. “How can she remember us? We don’t remember _her!”_

He stood up somewhat shakily and took a step closer, looking down upon the child. How could she remember them? It was impossible, right? Neither of them looked the way they did now, after all. As he took in her soft features, her bright eyes, creamy skin he wondered … _how_ could he have forgotten? Surely lizard him would have found her as beautiful as Human him did now.

“May I hold her?” Janeway asked the medic, who nodded briefly, a satisfied smile on her face.

The captain reached out and gently lifted the child into her arms. The baby gurgled happily as the captain settled her into the crook of her elbow and softly rocked her back and forth. The baby looked up at the captain with wide eyes. Her tiny little hand reached up and the captain met it with one of her fingers, the baby clutching on as tightly as she could.

Tom stood way back, but as he watched the captain cradling the child, something within him seemed to change. Something warm seemed to be growing within him, something that felt _right_. This was no remote lizard anymore. This was a baby girl. _His_ baby girl.

All astonishment had vanished from the captain’s face, replaced with an expression of wonder as she looked down at her child, face splitting into a wide smile. Captain Janeway, the indomitable force who had led them against the Kazon, Species 8472 and the Borg had melted away to reveal this softer, gentler version of herself. Tom had never seen her like this, not even when Naomi Wildman had been born. Before his eyes, his captain was transforming into a mother.

Yet Tom could not approach. Not yet. He was still rooted to the spot.

Janeway looked up and saw him watching her. He was surprised to see her eyes looked almost teary. She seemed to notice his uncertainty.

“Hold her, Tom,” she said, holding her out to him.

Tom stepped back swiftly, panic rising. “I- I can’t- Captain-“

“I insist,” she said, smiling encouragingly. It was the same expression she had often used at the beginning of their relationship as she helped him find his feet among the crew of _Voyager._ Back when she had let him know she believed in him and his abilities. When she had made him feel less like the monumental screw-up he always was and more like a member of a very large, very unusual family.

Despite his apprehension, he found himself stepping towards her, and she slowly deposited the child into his arms, helping him to adjust the position to support her weight evenly. She was tiny, smaller than most two month olds should be, at least, according to the Starfleet Medical journals The Doctor had forced him to read.

He sank back into the chair he had just vacated and looked down at her, unable to believe the evidence of his own eyes. She looked up at him and he got a closer chance to examine her face. It was soft and round as a baby’s should be, her eyes large and a soft blue colour. Her hair was very fair and extremely fine, and as he reached out to touch it, he was astonished at how soft it was as he smoothed it away from her face. She seemed to smile at his touch, and she wriggled in his arms, her body warm and soft against his chest. One little hand stretched out and seemed to bat at his uniform, fingers brushing up against his comm badge. Her eyes swivelled towards it and she batted it again, amused by the shine which came off of it in the bright lights of the ship.

He held her in his arms, and Tom knew instantly that he never wanted to put her down again. She was so perfect, so pure, so innocent. Horror filled him as he realised that until an hour ago he had nothing but ill-feelings towards her, had called her an _it_ , a disgusting creature. They had abandoned this precious thing thousands of light years away.

Janeway came to sit at his side and look at her as The Doctor turned to speak to the medic, their medical jargon going right over Tom’s head, even if he had cared enough to listen. All he could focus on was her. He still could not believe she was _his_.

“Captain,” he breathed. “She’s …"

“I know,” she agreed, sounding oddly choked. “Absolutely perfect.”

He tore his eyes away from the child to meet Janeway’s eyes. “Captain, we can’t let them put her in an institution. We have to take her back with us _.”_

“I agree, Tom,” the captain said, reaching out to place one hand on the baby’s head and stroking it gently. “But where does that leave us? Are we going to raise her together on _Voyager?”_

_“_ I don’t know, but I know this much,” he said. “She’s not going to be abandoned again.”

Janeway nodded and removed her hand from the baby’s head to gently squeeze his shoulder, all earlier awkwardness between them forgotten. Tom knew that he’d most likely resume freaking out about all this when back on board as he realised the reality of what he was suggesting. But for now, he was content to sit and hold her.

His _daughter._


	5. Conversation in Sickbay

Kathryn sat perched on the edge of a biobed as she watched The Doctor bustling around sickbay performing multiple scans and tests, his equipment buzzing and beeping loudly. The baby lay on the bed beneath him, looking utterly unconcerned at the flurry of activity, eyes following him around the room keenly. She looked intelligent, Kathryn thought, or perhaps that was just wishful thinking. The Doctor tickled her occasionally as he worked, and her smiles sent Kathryn’s heart soaring. How could it be possible that this child was _hers?_

Tom was sitting beside her on the biobed, his eyes also fixed on the child, jaw still hanging open. They’d been here several hours now, both just content to watch test after test, saying nothing. Kathryn had sent a brief report to the bridge informing them that they had brought the child back to _Voyager_ , but left out the details, not sure how she could explain _this_ over a comm link. Chakotay had sent a message back a few minutes later informing her that the Selozian ship had departed, but said and asked nothing more, for which she was grateful. She had ordered sickbay off limits for everyone except present company as The Doctor worked on her; she did not want an audience of crewmembers excited for a glimpse of the ‘mutant baby’.

It had been a long day and she was exhausted, but Kathryn knew she could not have slept even if she’d wanted to. All her thoughts were of this child, utterly overwhelmed at what she was witnessing. This was her _child_. The child she’d once had no qualms about leaving abandoned on a distant planet. It made her heart ache to think of it. How could she have been so wrong? _Why_ hadn’t she asked The Doctor to do further tests at the time to see if he could have restored her Human DNA? Why had she been so eager to put this embarrassing mess behind her that she had never properly considered what she was giving up?

Kathryn had long nourished a secret desire to have children, though she had continually put it off. At first, she’d told herself she’d settle down after graduation from Starfleet Academy. Then it was after she made lieutenant. Then before she turned thirty. She put if off again and again until she’d finally had the courage to have that conversation with Mark a week or so before leaving for the Badlands. He’d been eager, and she had promised they’d begin trying as soon as she returned from her ‘three week mission’. After four years in the Delta Quadrant, she no longer truly believed she would get home in time to pick up where she’d left off with Mark. Faced at the prospect of decades wandering the Delta Quadrant she’d finally given up too on all thoughts of being a mother. Was this her chance now, as crazy as the situation was?

She glanced at Tom, who now looked markedly less pale and nervous than he had all day. Of all the people she would have chosen to raise a child with … she was not sure it would have been him. Oh, she liked him, certainly. When he put his mind to it he was a fine officer, a good friend and she was immensely proud and fond of him. But he was still a member of her crew. For years she’d put aside her growing feelings for Chakotay in the name of professional boundaries; this situation seemed to blow that one right out of the water. With all the responsibilities she had on _Voyager_ , their unique situation in the Delta Quadrant, how could she take on an infant child?

He noticed her looking at him and he sucked in a breath. “Time for ‘the talk’, huh?”

“Yes, Lieutenant,” she said with a sigh, rubbing her temples. “I’m afraid it is.”

“All right,” he said, adjusting his position beside her. “How about this: you take weeknights and I have weekends and every second Tuesday?”

“Be serious, Tom.” Kathryn rolled her eyes. “This is going to be difficult.”

“Oh, I know, but you know me, Captain. Why panic when you can make a joke?” He laughed uncertainly. “This is bizarre, I don’t mind telling you. It’s surreal. I mean, this came out of nowhere. I wish I could at least _remember_ it happening.”

At Kathryn’s raised eyebrows, he blushed and cleared his throat. “Not like _that_ , Captain. I just mean … you _know_. How often do you just get presented with a ready-made child? At least if there’s a pregnancy involved you get some time to warm up to the idea.”

“I know what you mean,” she said, eyes back on the infant. “Looks like we’re going to have to hit the ground running with this one.”

Tom breathed in and exhaled loudly, gripping the edge of the bed tightly. “I’ve honestly never thought about having kids,” he said. “Never thought I was mature enough. I’m probably not. That’s what my dad would say. Did you ever want them?”

"Yes,” she admitted, allowing herself to lower some of her boundaries. “My fiancé and I had agreed to begin trying for a baby.”

“What happened?”

“My ship got pulled into the Delta Quadrant,” she said sighing, the old pain returning in full force. “Now I’m not sure I’ll ever see him again, and if I do, it’ll probably be years from now when he’ll have moved on with someone else and I’ll be too old to have a child of my own.”

“Maybe it’s your chance now,” Tom said softly. She looked to him, moved by his sudden gentleness, seeing a genuine smile on his face. She never allowed herself to be vulnerable around the crew, seldom discussing personal matters with them. It looked like that was about to change.

“Maybe,” she said, trying to smile. “But I’m not sure, Tom. Deciding to have a child in the Alpha Quadrant with my fiancé is a completely different decision to the one facing me here. I’d be raising a child while commanding a starship stranded in unfamiliar and often dangerous territory. I’ll need to give this a lot of thought.”

Tom nodded, and looked back at the baby, his expression softening. She saw a new look in his eyes, the same one she’d seen when she’d insisted he hold the child on the alien ship. He wanted her; she could see it clearly, even if he didn’t know it himself yet.

“For what it’s worth, Tom,” she said, “I think you’d make an excellent father.”

He laughed shortly. “I’m not sure, Captain. I didn’t have the best of role models growing up. I’d be afraid of messing her up, like my dad with me. My life was a wreck.”

“That wouldn’t be the case, Tom,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve grown a lot since you came onboard. If you can pilot an _Intrepid-_ class starship through the galaxy without batting an eyelash, you can take care of one little girl.”

“Kids don’t come with instruction manuals, Captain,” he said biting his lip. He looked at her in surprise when she burst out laughing. “What?”

“Oh, Tom,” she said, clapping him on the back. “I don’t believe you’ve ever read an instruction manual in your life. This is something you learn on the job. And we all know how good you are at that.”

He smiled, hesitantly joining in as she laughed. “Thanks, Captain. But … I don’t know. Is it fair to the kid? We both had dads in Starfleet, right? Do we want that kind of childhood for her? Always on duty, going on dangerous away missions, getting lost in diagnostic reports …”

“I think at this point, we can’t avoid that,” Kathryn said, understanding perfectly what he meant. “Whoever raises her on this ship will be a Starfleet officer, whether that’s you or me, or someone else. Unless you want to hand her over to Neelix or Seven of Nine?”

Tom’s eyes went wide. “Uh, hard pass, Captain. I don’t want my kid’s first words to be ‘you will be assimilated’.”

“We both need to take a little time to think about this, Tom,” she said, lowering herself from the biobed and turning around to face him. “She’s going to be in sickbay a while longer. We should go back to our quarters, think this over separately before we decide anything.” She glanced back at The Doctor who was now running some protein analysis on the baby. “I’m not going to hold you to anything, Tom. I won’t make this an order. If you don’t want to involve yourself with her, I’ll understand.”

“Likewise,” he said with a grateful smile. “But … uh, what if _neither_ of us wants to be the one to raise her?”

“Hopefully, it won’t come to that,” she said. “In the meantime, get some rest, Lieutenant. And that _is_ an order.”

“Aye, Captain,” he said, and he also climbed off the bed, and with one last glance at the child, walked out of sickbay.

Kathryn followed him a moment later after being reassured by The Doctor that the child was in no danger. As soon as the sickbay doors closed behind her and cut her off from her child, Kathryn could not help but feel a strange sense of loss in her chest.


	6. A Logical Argument

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the slight delay in posting this! I'm a teacher and I've been volunteering all week in a childcare hub school looking after the kids of key workers so they can get to work in these crazy times. Then I'm coming home each night and preparing my online learning for my own class AND writing reports (cause you know that's what parents are desperately waiting for 🙄 ). But I'm done, and not due back in the hub till June. That's if lockdown is still going on by then!
> 
> Hope everyone out there's staying safe! 🌈

Kathryn wasn’t quite sure how she’d managed to find her way back to her quarters, her mind was in such a haze. Thankfully, she ran into nobody on her journey and was soon back in her quarters. The room seemed different to her somehow, though she knew nothing had been altered whatsoever. It was her who was different. So much had changed since she had left this room that morning.

The door chime went before she had been inside for even a minute. She considered ignoring it but knew there was only two people on board who would dare come to her quarters at a time like this. And she needed to see them.

“Enter.”

The doors slid open and Tuvok stepped in, coming to stand inside, straight-backed and formal as always. A part of her was disappointed, but she tried to push that part down. She knew she needed a friend right now, and Tuvok was probably the closest friend she had right now who couldn’t confuse her emotions even further. Chakotay could wait until later.

“Were you lurking around the corner waiting for me to return?” Kathryn asked, eyebrow raised.

“Vulcans do not lurk,” he answered, coming towards her. “We do, however, visit our friends when we sense that they are troubled.”

She smiled gratefully. “Is everything alright with the ship? I’m sorry I’ve a bit out of contact the last few hours.”

“ _Voyager_ is back on course. All ship systems are performing satisfactorily.” He replied. “Its captain, however, I do not believe is operating at maximal efficiency.”

“I know,” she said, sinking down onto her couch and sighing, holding her head in her hands. “I’ve had a hell of a day, Tuvok.”

He moved closer and sat himself beside her but did not speak. He was more than used to these occasional emotional episodes of hers and knew it was best to sit and listen. Kathryn maintained that every starship captain should have a Vulcan on board; they were excellent sounding boards.

“I’ve got a decision to make, Tuvok,” she said, as she finally found the words. “The child … it isn’t a mutated lifeform anymore. It’s a baby, a real Human baby. And I have to decide whether or not I want to raise it. With Tom Paris of all people! I’ve always wanted a child but a huge part of me is wondering whether or not I can take this on, if I _should_ take it on. I don’t think there’s ever been a situation like this in Starfleet history.”

Tuvok remained silent as she went on to describe what they had found on the alien ship, explain how the baby had been transformed, everything The Doctor had told her about its health. He took it all as stoically as she knew he would, with only a raised eyebrow or two to indicate his astonishment.

“I am curious, Captain,” he said when she had finally finished. “What do you believe the reasons are for you not raising the child?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” she stood up and walked up and down in front of him. “I’m the captain! I can’t do this. I have a unique position on this ship and a whole crew counting on me to get them home. Can I afford to be distracted? I’ve always kept my personal and private lives entirely separate. If I do this, those two things are going to overlap, and I have no idea how that’s going to work. _If_ it’ll work!”

She turned back and came and sat close beside him, leaning in desperately. “You’re a father, Tuvok. Give me some advice. What would _you_ do?”

“I am afraid, Captain, that I cannot influence you in this matter,” he said. “The decision to have a child should be yours and yours alone.”

She laughed bitterly. “Yeah, and usually I would’ve had that conversation with myself long before the child was two months old!”

She stood up to pace again, her emotions so tumultuous that she felt she needed to move around to keep them constrained. Her arms clenched tightly around her.

“A captain having a child with a subordinate while serving together on the same ship. It’s unheard of!”

“May I remind you, Captain,” Tuvok said, “that there are no Starfleet regulations against captains having romantic relationships with subordinates. It may not be common, but I believe it is reasonable to assume that situations such as this have arisen before.”

“I don’t think there’s ever been any situation like this,” she said, shaking her head. “And even if there technically aren’t any Starfleet rules against personal relationships, there’s been a Janeway rule against it since Day 1. I refused to allow myself to cross that line with anyone on board. And while Tom and I aren’t a couple, if we raise the child together our relationship is going to change drastically.”

Kathryn looked away from him a moment, trying to claw back her sense of self-control before she let loose entirely. It was that rule she’d set herself that had long kept her from admitting what she felt for Chakotay. But despite everything that she felt, she knew she could not allow herself that luxury for the sake of the crew and their mission. If she hadn’t broken it for him, could she do it for this child?

“ _Voyager_ is hardly a typical Federation ship,” Tuvok continued as she turned back to look at him. “No one would expect you to behave as you would in the Alpha Quadrant at all times. You do not have the ability here to request a transfer, take extended leave or place the child in the care of relatives. You must operate within the parameters that exist.”

“You mean ‘work with what I’ve got?’” Kathryn managed a small smile. She sighed and came and sat with him again. “Please, Tuvok. I need your opinion. One which isn’t clouded by Human emotion.”

“Very well, I speak now as your friend, and not your chief of security,” he said, turning his body slightly to look at her full on. “I am a little uncertain of why you think you cannot do this. You already do an admirable job caring for the one hundred and fifty people on board this ship. Why do you think you cannot care for one more?”

She smiled. “Thank you, Tuvok. But this is different. This is my _child._ ”

“It does not have to be, Captain,” he said. “Plenty of Starfleet captains have their own children on board their ships. True, those captains are not usually on ships with missions like ours, but they are often in dangerous situations and captains do not allow that to affect their personal judgement. I believe that would be the case for you.” He paused for a moment. “I have served under many Human captains over my career, Captain, and I have often observed that they regard their crew almost as their own children. They care about them, look after them and would sacrifice almost anything to protect them from harm. You are no different. I have often heard you refer to the crew of _Voyager_ as family, despite your decision to maintain professional boundaries. I do not believe the addition of a child would impair your ability to function as our captain in any way. In fact, I believe quite the opposite.”

Tuvok inched a little closer, far closer than Kathryn knew he would normally be comfortable with. He had a slight frown on his brow.

“I believe that you can not only do this, Captain, but excel at it,” he said, and through the Vulcan delivery, she thought she could almost detect a note of concern. “And if you choose to do so, you should be aware that you will have the support of the entire crew, as well as my own. In fact, unlike most parents, you will be at an advantage. Not many first time parents have the luxury of one hundred and fifty babysitters at their disposal that they can quite literally command at will.”

Kathryn felt tears welling up at her eyes and a lump rising in her throat. “Was that a joke, Tuvok?” she asked, voice almost breaking.

“I have often observed that Humans are comforted by small attempts at humour,” he said, and Kathryn laughed. “Did it work?”

“I’ll let you know,” she said, a wide smile breaking out on her face. She brushed aside a couple of tears which had begun to leak from her eyes.

“As a Vulcan, I would never usually recommend this,” he began, looking a little hesitant, “but in this case, I believe that you should listen to emotion, rather than logic. Do you want this child, Captain? Do you … _love_ it?”

She thought back to the little child who was even now lying in sickbay. Her big warm eyes, her soft skin, the beginnings of a smile breaking out on her face. And most of all, the swell of feeling which had arisen in her chest as she looked upon her.

“Yes, I believe so,” she said, surprising herself with her own certainty.

“Then you should trust that emotion, Captain,” Tuvok said. “For I have long since come to realise that emotion, which is a weakness on my own planet, is the strongest guiding force there is for Humans.”

She was speechless for a few moments, grateful beyond words for what he had said to her. Kathryn had never felt more glad than she did now that this man was her friend.

“My Human emotion is telling me right now to hug you,” she said with a mischievous smile, “but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Tuvok sighed, and his lips twitched. “I will permit it. Just this once.”

He didn’t have to tell her twice. He stayed admirably still as she reached out and hugged him briefly, taking comfort from him as she finally began to see clearly through the mess of emotions which had been muddling around in her head all day. He even reached up and began patting her on the back stiffly.

She pulled back and smiled at him, briefly squeezing his hand. “Thank you, Tuvok.”

“I am always here for you, Captain, as your lieutenant commander, and as your friend.” He said, now standing up and adjusting his uniform. “I will now leave you to get some rest. I anticipate that you still have much to think over.”

Kathryn continued smiling long after he left the room. Her earlier panic, confusion and conflicted feelings were beginning to settle, and even her fear of the unknown leap she would be taking was beginning to decrease.

She turned and looked out of her window at the stars as they sped past the ship. Could she really do it? Be a mother?

But even as her thinking became clearer, an aching sadness could not help but grow. This was not the way she would have wished to have her first child. In fact, there was another man on board the ship who she desperately wished could have been the father.

And a part of her wished he had been the one to come and talk to her instead of Tuvok.


	7. Klingon Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading and commenting!

Tom must have done a hundred laps of his quarters, two hundred … he’d lost count at around fifty-two. He couldn’t stay still. The captain had ordered him to rest, but how could he? All he could think about was that little girl in sickbay and how he just _knew_ he was going to screw this up.

He hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Janeway that he’d never thought of himself as mature enough to have children. He never took things seriously, he spent too long on the holodeck … he’d be the worst excuse for a father since … well, since his own!

He knew exactly what the Admiral would have thought of all this: _Thomas, I am so disappointed in you. How could you have let yourself get into a situation like this?_ And he agreed; it _was_ a bizarre situation. Raising a kid? With his captain? In the Delta Quadrant? Having a kid in normal circumstances would have been hard enough!

His door chime went, but he barely heard it, doing another lap of the room. When it chimed again, he answered.

The door opened to reveal B’Elanna standing in the doorway. Tom stopped his pacing immediately, shocked by the look he saw on her face. She looked almost _nervous._

“Can I come in?”

He nodded mutely. She edged her way in and hesitatingly sat on the edge of one of his chairs She was chewing her lip and stared down at her hands.

Tom immediately felt terrible. In all of the mess of today he hadn’t stopped to consider her, too lost in all the craziness. Their relationship was just beginning, was he supposed to expect her to just be okay with him raising a child with their boss? How was she handling this?

“B’Elanna, I-” he began to say, but lost the courage half-way. She looked up at him, and there was none of the Klingon anger he would have expected.

“You could have told me, Tom,” she said softly. “All this … the … _offspring_. I would have understood.”

“Understood that I turned into a lizard and kidnapped my captain and forced her to bear my mutant kids?” he laughed bitterly, coming to sit beside her. “Yeah, that’s a good way to start any relationship. I can see it now: ‘Hey, did you know I’ve got three lizard kids swimming around a swamp somewhere? Fancy being their stepmother?’”

“I get that you weren’t in control, Tom,” she said. “Chakotay explained everything. It’s not your fault.”

“Maybe not, but it’s always been something I’ve avoided thinking about,” he said, closing his eyes. “Not exactly my proudest moment, you know? I just wanted to move on and forget.”

“And that’s why you didn’t tell me?” She sounded almost hurt now. “Why you agreed to just leave them there?”

“Honestly, yeah,” Tom said, opening his eyes to look at her. Her stare was hard, but he saw the softness beneath. “Again, not one of my proudest moments. Not now that I’ve actually seen my kid.”

He sat up and twisted his hands together, insides squirming unpleasantly. “It’s different now. It’s _here_. I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen anymore. I’ve got a responsibility now, and you know how bad I’ve always been at handling those.”

“What responsibility?” she asked, and he moaned as he realised she still didn’t know the full story. How was he supposed to tell her this without scaring her off?

“The kid, it isn’t a hyper-evolved mutant thingy anymore,” he said, avoiding her eyes. “The Selozians managed to find a way to restore its- _her_ DNA. She’s a baby, B’Elanna. An actual Human looking baby.”

He heard her sharp intake of breath and continued staring at the floor. He didn’t know what she would think, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Would she be disgusted? Supportive? Intimidated?

“She’s going to be fine, The Doc says,” he continued. “The captain’s giving me a choice. I can raise her, or I can walk away. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t even think the captain knows. Which is another issue itself. Do I really see myself raising a kid with my captain?”

He buried his face in his hands, rubbing his temples. “It’s all just so messed up. If I was to ever have kids, not that I’ve ever really thought about it, I’d imagined it would be if I was married and settled down somewhere, found someone that I loved. And I never honestly thought that would happen.”

_At least until recently,_ a part of him added, as he thought of B’Elanna. _If it was our kid … would I still be so hesitant?_

“I don’t think I can do it,” he said, lifting his head finally. “I don’t know the first thing about kids. I’d mess it up.”

B’Elanna said nothing for a long time and the two of them sat for a while in silence. Tom looked around his quarters, noting the usual mess everywhere. How could he look after a baby when he could barely look after himself?

After a while, Tom felt B’Elanna move closer and place her hand into his. He turned to face her in surprise, seeing her eyes lit up with a fiery glow.

“Yes, you can, Tom,” she said fiercely. “Don’t you dare put yourself down like that. Do you realise how great you are? You’ve saved the lives of this crew, this entire ship more times than I can count. You’re a great officer, and a lot of people already depend on you. Janeway knows that too or she wouldn’t even be giving you the option.”

“You think I should do it?” he asked, clutching her hand tightly. “You think I should say yes and raise her?”

“I’m not gonna give you advice, Tom,” she said, expression sad. “This is a decision you need to come to on your own. But I will say this. I know what it’s like to abandoned by a father and it sucks. It _really_ does. I always thought he left because I was too Klingon for him. How do you think this little girl will feel if she grows up to find out her father abandoned her because of how she was born?”

Tom didn’t know what to say. He had never considered it like that before. The guilt of leaving those kids behind on the planet felt heavier than ever.

“ _Father_ ,” he repeated with a nervous laugh. “Wow. I’m a _father_.”

He fell back on the couch and stared at the ceiling, desperately trying to reason this out. “I mean, it’s dangerous on _Voyager,_ but she’d have loads of people around all the time to look after her. She’ll probably live her whole life on board, which isn’t ideal, but Samantha Wildman’s doing it, right? It’s just … both her parents are bridge officers, how much time would we have to look after her? Then again, I guess Janeway being the captain means she can organise things however she wants, so that’s an advantage. I’d be sharing her with Janeway so it wouldn’t all be on me, right? That is, if the captain agrees, and I don’t know if she’ll want to have her. It seemed like she did in sickbay, but she’s got so many other responsibilities to handle. And it’ll be _weird_ , right? Dropping the kid off at the captain’s door with diapers and bottles and then going on duty and calling her mother ‘ma’am’? And then there’s you.”

He sat back up again and moved so he was closer, taking both of her hands in his. B’Elanna looked up at him, eyes wide and sympathetic. He stroked the back of her hands with his thumbs, struck by just how much he loved her in that moment.

“I can’t ask you to take this on so early in our relationship,” he said, voice strained. “That’s a lot to ask of you. We’ve never even discussed having kids of our own.”

“Leave me out of it, Tom,” B’Elanna said, squeezing his hands. “It is _your_ decision. And it’s a decision I’ll respect, no matter what. But only if you don’t do it for me. You need to make it for your daughter. For what’s best for _her_. I’m not going anywhere.”

“My daughter,” Tom said after her, feeling a little light-headed again. “I have a _daughter_ , B’Elanna.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, a small smile appearing on her face. “You do.”

He allowed himself to smile back, the giddy feeling growing stronger. A powerful wave of emotions seemed to build up in his chest, threatening to burst out of him. He was … was he _happy?_

“What’s she like?” B’Elanna asked, her smile growing warmer.

“She’s …” He stopped as he thought back to a couple of hours ago, his eyes welling up. “She’s perfect. She’s so small, too. Only about two months old. Beautiful. So beautiful, like I can’t even believe I could have _made_ something as beautiful as that.”

B’Elanna slid her arm around his shoulder, pulling him towards her, and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Sounds to me you’ve already made up your mind,” she said. “I can tell by the look in your eyes.”

Tom pulled her into an embrace, clutching her tightly, unable to keep the smile from his face or the mistiness in his eyes from overflowing.

He thought she might just be right.


	8. An Agreement

Tom spent a long time talking things over with B’Elanna, and by the time she had finally left, he was more certain than ever. Sleep still eluded him, and all he could think of when he closed his eyes was the baby. He needed to see her again, even just to check she had not been some wild imagining. So, he had dressed quickly and left his quarters to head towards sickbay.

The place was in darkness when he arrived. The Doctor was in his office, back to the doors to the entrance as he worked on some report or other. His opera music was playing softly and he did not appear to have heard Tom come in.

Tom immediately walked towards the main surgical bay where The Doctor had placed a medical incubator. He paused in front of it, looking down at the pale form inside, the anxiety which had been building in his breast on his journey here immediately dissipating.

She was not asleep, to his surprise, and was kicking her legs around like an old Earth tap dancer.

“Well, aren’t you a feisty little one,” he said, smiling. “Keep that up and you’ll wear out every pair of shoes you have. And I don’t think you’ll get extra replicator rations, even if your mother is the captain.”

She had turned to look at him at the sound of his voice and a semblance of a smile appeared on her face. Her arms reached up, almost as if searching for him. He met her pudgy little hand with his own, holding it gently, marvelling at just how smooth her skin was. It was _tiny_. He jiggled it about for a moment, his smile growing wider as he heard a soft gurgling in her throat, almost as if she was trying to laugh.

He felt as though he could burst with pride. All previous worries and concerns faded away now. The shock was gone, the doubt disappearing for good. He felt an overwhelming desire to stay with her, to protect her. He had never thought he could feel this strongly about anything in his life.

Suddenly, he became aware that he was not alone as a figure emerged from the darkness. He jumped back immediately.

“C-Captain! I—”

“At ease, Lieutanant,” she said, holding up her hand. She was smiling. “It seems like we both had the same idea.”

She came around to his side, and they sat down upon the two stools The Doctor had left beside the incubator. She too reached out to touch the baby, her eyes swimming with emotion.

“So, have you made up your mind then?” He was suddenly ridiculously nervous. Things were about to get very real now.

“I had,” she said, still gazing down at the baby. “I had decided that … that I couldn’t justify taking on a child with so many other people counting on me as their captain. I came here intending to … I don’t know … say goodbye, explain myself to her? But seeing her here … I just …”

“I know what you mean,” Tom said, sighing. “I thought to myself, this is crazy, you can’t be a dad! But every time I thought about her, imagined her face … I changed my mind again.”

He watched Janeway for a moment, nerves kicking in again. Just how open could he be with her? These were extreme circumstances; surely she wouldn’t object to talking more freely with him?

“Can I ask, Captain? What were your reasons for deciding you couldn’t do it?”

For a few moments, he thought she wouldn’t answer him. She bit her lip.

“To be honest, they’re not reasons which stand up to much scrutiny,” she said. “Tuvok’s logic managed to debunk them all instantly. Captains have children all the time, and some _do_ manage to raise them onboard ship, though not exactly in circumstances like ours. I guess … part of my reluctance is mostly to do with you.”

“Oh.” Tom felt some of his happiness deflating. “I see.”

The captain looked up at his despondent tone and immediately looked apologetic. “I don’t mean that I don’t think you can’t be a good father, Tom,” she said. “In fact, I think the opposite. I’m just worried about how this will affect our working relationship.”

“Like what?”

“Like if I’ll ever be able to be impartial again,” she said, sighing. “I just don’t want to end up treating you differently because of this. But how would I be able to ever order you on an away team, or into some dangerous situation again without thinking about the impact it would have on her?”

“I see what you mean,” he said, feeling a little better. “But, Captain, do you think that way about Ensign Wildman? Would you ever hesitate to send her somewhere potentially dangerous on account of Naomi?”

She frowned thoughtfully. “No, I don’t suppose so. I guess it just becomes harder when it’s your own child.”

They returned to looking at the baby again for a little while. She seemed to like having them there. Her head was turned towards them, her little arms and legs lifting up and down constantly.

“Captain, I don’t really want to influence you, but I think you’d be wrong to give up on her because of me,” he said. B’Elanna’s words to him in his quarters came back to him. “It should be what _you_ want. Everything else can be worked out. I know it’s gonna be … _weird_ at first, but I honestly think we can get through it.”

She looked towards him, her expression unreadable. He decided to take a risk.

“With all due respect, Captain, I don’t think you’re the kind of person who would ever put personal feelings above the wellbeing of the ship or its crew,” he said. “I mean, you don’t hesitate to send Tuvok off on missions, even though he’s your friend. Or Commander Chakotay, even though he’s …”

He trailed off, suddenly alarmed that he’d gone too far as he saw her eyes narrow. He waited with his heart racing. He would never have dared speak to her like this in any other scenario, never dared to presume. But he’d long been suspicious of the close nature of the relationship between the captain and her first officer. It wasn’t much, just a few glances here and there, a few whispered conversations, a couple of smiles. He had no idea what their deal was, but he knew it was mutual. And honestly, no one cared. Janeway seemed to put much higher standards on herself than any other captain he had ever known. But then, she needed to be tougher than the others he’d served under. None of them had faced the same demands she did.

Thankfully, Janeway did not seem to think he had crossed a line. At least, she didn’t call him out on it.

“Alright, let’s talk then, parent to parent, not as captain and lieutenant,” she said, an amused smile creeping on her face. “What happens when we have to make decisions we can’t agree on? Do we give her shuttlecraft lessons, or tennis lessons? Do we cut her hair, or let it grow? If I disagree with you, what’s to stop me from making it an order?”

Tom laughed. “I’ll just have to trust you not to, I guess. We’ll find a solution, some other way.” He looked back at the baby, _their_ baby. “I’m willing to give this a shot, Captain, if you are. And I think you do. In the four years I’ve served under you, I’ve learned that you _never_ back down from a challenge.”

He fixed his eyes on hers. “You didn’t abandon me in that penal colony in New Zealand, even though I’m guessing lots of people warned you about me, and you’ve never given up on getting us all home. You take chances, and you don’t give up when things look tough. It’s what makes you a great captain. And I think that’s what’ll make you a great mother.”

To his utter shock, he saw Janeway’s eyes fill with tears. She wiped them away hurriedly and laughed.

“This is really getting to me now. That’s the second time today I’ve cried in front of one of my officers. I suppose this is a day of firsts. Tuvok felt so bad he even let me hug him.”

“You _hugged_ Tuvok?” Tom stared at her. “I would’ve given all my rations for a month to have seen _that!_ ”

She just continued laughing and rested her hand on his arm. The baby rolled about her incubator, babbling happily, almost as if she realised what was going on.

“So, are we gonna go for this, Captain?” Tom asked hesitantly.

“Yes, Tom, we are,” Janeway said, and they both started grinning.

“And for the record, Captain,” he said, standing up to hold his daughter’s hand once again, “it’s _definitely_ going to be shuttlecraft lessons.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading and commenting!


	9. A Name

Kathryn’s headache grew worse by the second as The Doctor recited countless facts at her and Tom as he practically danced around sickbay presenting them with PADD after PADD containing information on everything from feeding and burping to sleep routines, babbling away faster than her brain could keep up with. Tom’s somewhat glazed expression at her side put her somewhat at ease. They’d been here for an hour already, both Kathryn and Tom taking the morning off to figure things out. She’d informed Chakotay first thing that he would be in charge for the time being, and he had accepted it without question, if sounding a little confused. But then he still didn’t know the child was no longer a creature; no one except them, The Doctor, Tuvok and B’Elanna knew. She felt that she wanted to wait until things were more settled before announcing her and Tom’s decision to the crew.

“Of course, you both have a lot of reading to do to make up for lost time,” The Doctor said, waving his tricorder over the baby. “The ship’s computer has a vast amount of Federation literature on the correct way to rear an infant, including Klingon baby warrior initiations, Betazoid ‘Mommy and Baby’ meditation rituals and Dr Spock’s research from old Earth.”

“Spock?” Tom stared at him. “You think we should raise her like a Vulcan?”

The Doctor stopped his examination and looked to Kathyrn, a familiar exasperated expression on his face. “And you’re _certain_ this is the man you want to raise a child with, Captain?”

“I’m certain, Doctor,” Kathryn said, barely disguising her smile. “But let’s hold off on all that now. Tell us the more practical, need to know now kind of things.”

“Yeah, like, is she gonna be okay?” Tom asked, looking down into the incubator. “She isn’t going to … evolve back into a lizard, is she?”

“Not unless you take her on a little warp ten day trip, Mr. Paris,” The Doctor said. “And if you do, I think you’ll have your own issues to deal with.”

The Doctor looked to Kathryn. “As far as I can tell, she will be absolutely fine. She needs to gain some weight, but I’m already handling that with the nutritional supplements I’ve been giving her. I’ve already programmed it into the replicators. The only thing I’m a little concerned about is her immune system. It’s a bit too fragile for my liking at the moment, probably due to her spending so long in stasis. I recommend keeping her isolated for the time being with no contact with any other crew other than yourselves.”

“Naomi Wildman will be disappointed,” Kathryn said. “She’s been desperate for other children to come on board.”

“Well, she’ll just have to wait to be introduced,” The Doctor said. “I’m working on some treatments to boost her immune system and provide the usual childhood inoculations, but I think it’ll be at least a month before she’s strong enough to be in contact with others.”

“A _month_?” Tom repeated. “Are you expecting us to be off-duty for a month?”

“A month is hardly excessive, Mr. Paris,” The Doctor frowned. “It’s nothing to the usual amount of parental leave granted to Starfleet employees. Rest assured; the ship is in good hands. Probably better ones, if I must say so. I have always thought you’re a little too rough with the impulse engines.”

“A month is too much, Doctor,” Kathryn objected, but he fixed her with a stern look.

“In medical matters, Captain, I’m in charge. If you two go out mixing with the crew, who knows what you could bring back to her? No, you’re both confined to quarters, unless you’re travelling to and from each other’s rooms or sickbay. It also means no visitors.”

“Well, you can tell that to B’Elanna,” Tom muttered darkly. Kathyrn was annoyed too but accepted it without further argument. If it was for the baby’s benefit, she wouldn’t fight it.

“The time you spend with her will be beneficial,” The Doctor said, pleased that they were no longer arguing. “She needs time to bond with both of you. I’m concerned she won’t meet the usual infant milestones due to her early beginnings. These early experiences are crucial. She needs to feel loved, not abandoned.”

Kathryn and Tom exchanged a guilty glance. The baby was gurgling happily in front of them. Had she been damaged in some way developmentally because they’d left her behind on that planet? She didn’t think she could bear it if she had.

“You’re going to have to talk to the rest of the crew about this,” The Doctor said. “I’ve had countless messages all morning. One was from Mr. Neelix offering his services as babysitter.”

Tom shook his head immediately, face screwed up. “No way. He still thinks she’s a lizard. He probably wants to get a look at her and decide if he can serve her up in the mess hall.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” The Doctor said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll debrief the crew for you, if you wish, Captain. I really do think the two of you should stay away from others as much as you can. She’ll be well enough to leave sickbay tomorrow probably, and she should stay in quarters as much as possible.”

“Very well, Doctor.”

“Uh, Captain?” Tom asked with a frown. “ _Whose_ quarters? Where is she gonna live?”

“Well,” she began, thinking hard. “I’m not sure. Mine are larger. But yours are closer to sickbay, and you’re on duty less than I am.”

“Alterations can be made to both quarters quite easily, I’m sure,” The Doctor beamed. “I think it best she spends time with both of you.”

“Alright, both of us,” Kathryn said, already considering the modifications she’d need in her quarters. “I can ask Chakotay to rearrange the duty rosters when we return to work to make things a little easier. And if we _can_ get Neelix to babysit, or someone else, we should be able to manage this reasonably well.”

“Okay,” Tom agreed. “I’ll probably have to start tidying my quarters a bit more.”

“Yes, Mr. Paris, we don’t want the baby getting lost down some interdimensional portal concealed under the mess in your quarters,” The Doctor said lightly. “Or worse, caught up in your laundry.”

“We’re going to need to stop calling her ‘the baby’,” Kathryn said, ignoring Tom’s protests. She smiled as she saw the baby turn her head to look at her. “She needs a name.”

“You have anything in mind, Captain?” Tom asked, reaching out to stroke an exposed arm. “Cause I got nothin’.”

“What about some form of reference to her beginnings?” The Doctor said cheerfully, peering down at her. “Lizzy, perhaps? Sally? Manda?”

“We are _not_ giving her any sort of lizard or salamander name,” Kathryn said firmly.

“Yeah, and all due respect, if you haven’t managed to pick a name for yourself in four years I’m not about to take your advice,” Tom said, shaking his head.

The Doctor sighed heavily. “Very well. But I have become quite the expert in various naming traditions during my research. For example, it has often been a custom among Humans to name a first-born daughter after its mother, or the mothers of the parents or some other close female relative.”

“Well, my mom’s name is Julia, and she doesn’t look like one of those to me,” Tom said, squinting at her. “What’s your mother’s name, Captain?”

“Gretchen,” she said, and she nodded when she saw his grimace. “Yeah, I don’t think so either.”

“I’ve got two sisters, one’s called Moira, which seems a bit too old-fashioned to me, and the other is Kathleen.” He glanced at her. “How about Kathy? She could be named after my sister and you.”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “No offence to your sister, but I always found naming a child after yourself a little arrogant.”

Kathy was also one of the nicknames that Mark had given her, as well as Q, and she didn’t want that reminder every time she looked at her daughter.

“Do you have any sisters, Captain?”

“One. Phoebe,” she replied. “But it just doesn’t seem to suit her. Phoebe is … I don’t know, quiet, reserved, and I get the feeling this little girl is going to be anything but.”

“I kinda like it,” Tom said with a smile. “Save it for a middle name?”

“If you’re going to reject all of your relatives immediately, may I suggest you try and think of something which is meaningful to both of you?” The Doctor interrupted. “Is there a particular culture that appeals to both of you? A location?”

“What about a space themed name? Andromeda, Cassiopeia … something like that?”

“Oh, that’s original,” The Doctor said, rolling his eyes at Tom. “Starfleet officers … a _space_ theme. Why don’t you just call her ‘Milky Way’ and be done with it?”

“How about naming her after someone who’s important to both of us?” Kathryn interjected. “Someone we admire. A famous figure from history, someone influential in their field, someone who we look up to?”

Tom thought for a moment, chewing his lip thoughtfully. “Well, there are loads of people I can think of. All the early Mars colonists, the early space pioneers I admired growing up. But I don’t know how well you know them.” His eyes went wide and he snapped his fingers. “I got it! Amelia Earhart!”

A smile began to tug at Kathryn’s lips. “Amelia Earhart?”

“Yeah! Think about it,” he said, looking eager. “I read about her growing up, and so did you. Didn’t you say once that’d she’d inspired you to join Starfleet? And we met her, and she was great. We got on well and she was super interested in _Voyager_ when I showed her around.”

“Amelia,” Kathryn repeated as she looked down at her daughter, tasting how it felt on her lips. “Do you like that? Amelia?”

The baby gurgled happily and waved her pink hands at her.

Kathryn smiled widely. “Yes, I like it too. Amelia. And if you like Phoebe for a middle name, so do I. My sister would be thrilled, and I miss her a lot.”

“Great!” Tom was grinning. “It’s settled. Wow, it feels good to have a name.”

“Are we going for Amelia Paris, or Amelia Janeway?” The Doctor asked, making some notes on a medical PADD.

“Both,” Tom said immediately. He turned to look at Kathryn. “I think it’s important, Captain. She should feel like she belongs to both of us, especially since we’re not a couple. Amelia Paris-Janeway. Unless you want your name to go first?”

“I’m more than happy with that, Lieutenant,” Kathryn said, smiling down at the baby. “Amelia Phoebe Paris-Janeway. It’s a bit long, but we’ll manage.”

“Very well, I’ll note it in the ship’s records,” The Doctor announced. He turned away to access a console, Kathryn barely hearing his mutters of: “Four years without being able to pick a name and _Tom Paris_ picks one in four minutes.”

Kathryn reached down into the incubator as the baby- as _Amelia_ , began to fuss and lifted her into her arms, rocking her gently back and forth. This felt so _right_ , so natural. She could almost feel the tears coming again. What was wrong with her?

“Feels real now, doesn’t it, Captain?” Tom said, coming to lean in closer, face close to Amelia’s.

Kathryn just nodded, too emotional to speak.

The Doctor returned and just as he did, a message came over the comm.

“ _Chakotay to Janeway.”_

“Janeway here, Commander.” Kathryn responded, slapping her comm badge with difficulty. Tom immediately came to her rescue and took Amelia into his own arms, making some goofy faces down at her.

“ _Sorry to disturb you, Captain, but it’s the weekly staff briefing in ten minutes. I wasn’t sure if you or Lieutenant Paris would be attending.”_

Kathryn sighed, fighting every instinct she had to march up to that briefing room and take charge.

“Unfortunately not, Commander. The Doctor has ordered us both to stay quarantined. He’s concerned we could compromise the child’s immune system. You’ll need to take the lead on this one.”

“ _Understood_.” He paused for a long moment, and Kathryn could almost see the look of hesitation on his face. “ _Is everything alright down there?”_

“The Doctor will explain everything to the senior staff at the briefing,” Kathryn said, glancing at The Doctor, who nodded. “Suffice it to say … we’ve got a lot to think about at the moment.”

“ _Acknowledged. Chakotay out.”_

His voice fell silent, and Kathryn felt the old ache flair up again. She wanted so much to be up there with him, telling him everything that happened, pouring out all her worries and insecurities to him. But that was impossible right now. She wondered if it ever would be possible again.

She tried not to feel hurt at the thought that it had been Tuvok who had come to her quarters instead of him. That he had not asked more than the most basic of questions of her since this began. He was distancing himself from her, and she wasn’t sure why.

Tom was watching her, Amelia tucked securely in his arms. He raised his eyebrows. Kathryn knew what he was thinking. He had come remarkably close to the truth of her feelings the night before, but she did not want to discuss it with him. Boundaries between the two of them were about to be damaged beyond repair as it was; she did not need to start discussing the details of her love life, or lack thereof, with him.

“I’d best get up to the bridge,” The Doctor announced, looking between them. “You’re welcome to stay here for a while with her. If you go back to quarters, reduce contact as much as you can with anyone else.”

“Don’t worry, Doc, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon,” Tom said, eyes on Amelia’s face, a look of absolute adoration on his face. “And I don’t think the captain will be either.”

“Very well,” The Doctor said, looking thrilled. “I’ll set a security lock on sickbay when I leave. I don’t quite trust Mr. Neelix not to start poking his nose in when I’m gone.”

Kathryn did not answer him, barely noticing as he left, eyes still on her daughter. She knew she should be entering discussions with Tom right now, going over all the practicalities like she would normally do if she were running a briefing.

But that could wait for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone commenting and reading!


	10. The Briefing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the gap in updates. I'll try and keep them more regular from now on! I swear, all chapters are finished, just awaiting a final edit.
> 
> A bit of Chakotay POV this chapter!

Chakotay entered the briefing room swiftly and walked past everyone else without saying a word, not even looking around until he’d sat down on the chair usually occupied by the captain. They watched him, Tuvok, B’Elanna and Neelix on one side, Harry and Seven on the other.

“I take it the captain won’t be joining us?” Neelix asked, nodding to where Chakotay had sat. “Or Lieutenant Paris?”

“That’s right,” he answered shortly, insides clenching uncomfortably. “Now, departmental reports if you please.”

They glanced among themselves before beginning their brief reports, discussing the simulations and repairs they had been undertaking during the quiet period. Chakotay was barely listening; it was all he could do to sit still and make eye contact. His mind was entirely in sickbay, with Kathryn, and he had to stop himself from heading down there himself.

His stomach churned as he thought of her down there with Tom. What was going on? What could require them both to be quarantined? She’d mentioned that they had a lot of thinking to do, about what? Were they going to keep this creature on board? Was she attached to it now that she had seen it?

He found himself going back over his memories of that time once more. Had he really made the right call? None of the senior staff except Tuvok seemed to agree with him, judging by what they’d said yesterday. Chakotay wasn’t one to second guess himself, but he couldn’t tear his mind away. The ethical conundrums which had been presented to him by his instructors at Starfleet Academy now seemed ridiculously easy by comparison. Had he really done the right thing?

Neelix completed his report on the condition of the ship’s stores, and Chakotay nodded idly.

“Right, good.”

“Didn’t you hear me, Commander? I said the mess hall replicators are offline and we won’t have enough stores to last for long. We need to get them repaired or stop for some supplies at the first world we come to.”

Chakotay jerked out of his daydream and sat up in his chair, clearing his throat. “Yes, of course. B’Elanna, get someone on that as soon as you can, and Harry, scan for inhabited worlds. I’ll get Mr. Pa- I mean, I’ll get the helm to set course for the nearest one you find.”

“Yes, sir.” He heard the acknowledgements, but none of them said anything else. They were still watching him closely, and he could read the looks on their faces plainly.

“Alright,” he said, admitting defeat, and placing down the PADDs he was holding. “Ask away. I know you’re all desperate.”

“What’s going on with the captain and Tom?” Harry asked immediately. “I heard the infant was brought on board, is that right?”

“Yes, it is. It’s in sickbay right now,” he replied, a part of him morbidly curious as to what ‘it’ looked like now. “The Doctor’s checking it over. He’s due to make his report any time.”

“I still can’t believe this,” B’Elanna said, her face paler than normal.

“You’re not the only one,” Chakotay said, trying to smile at her. Knowing as he did about her feelings for Tom, he imagined she was the only one who came close to feeling what he did about this. Was she as concerned for Tom as he was for Kathryn?

“What’s going to happen to it now?” Neelix asked. “Are they going to be looking after it?”

Chakotay could not quite imagine it. Tuvok however, turned to Neelix to answer.

“According to the conversation I had with the captain last night, I believe she will indeed decide to keep the child and raise it on board.”

“You saw the captain?” Chakotay couldn’t help but ask sharply. When Tuvok turned to him he swallowed. “You spoke to her?”

“Yes. I suspected that she could use some guidance, so I went to her quarters last night to offer her my support.” Tuvok stared directly at him, eyes narrowing slightly. “I had thought you would have done the same.”

Chakotay looked away, the iron fist around his heart tightening. He should have. He should have gone to her. He’d began the now familiar walk to her quarters at least ten times before turning back. A part of him was afraid. Afraid that she would look at him and shout at him, despise him for leaving behind her offspring. He didn’t know what to say to her.

He could have kicked himself _. Of course_ she would have needed advice. That was _his_ job as first officer, not Tuvok’s. He should have been the one to go to her.

“I spoke to her this morning,” he said by way of explanation, trying to avoid the looks of the others in case accusing stares came his way. “She hasn’t told me much yet. She didn’t mention keeping the child.”

“Tom did,” B’Elanna said softly. Her eyes starred into the distance. “The way he was talking last night, I think he wanted to.”

Chakotay felt his guilt worsen. B’Elanna had been there for Tom. Of course she had been. She never backed down from anything.

“You mean, you think they’re gonna want to keep the kid?” Harry’s eyes went wide. “Raise a little … salamander together?”

“But that’s not what it is,” B’Elanna said, a little smile appearing on her lips. “Tom told me. It’s a Human baby now. The Selozians restored the original Human DNA.”

Chakotay felt like his heart just dropped out his stomach. A Human baby? He was so stunned he didn’t even look up as the doors to the briefing room opened. He hadn’t even thought to ask the captain. How could he have neglected to do that?

“Doctor!”

Chakotay finally looked up as The Doctor took his seat and smiled warmly at the welcome he was receiving. He looked as pleased as punch. He held up his hand to stem the flood of questions.

“I will be happy to answer any and all questions momentarily,” he said, looking around at them all and puffing up his chest importantly. “First of all, however, I would like to inform you all that Captain Janeway and Lieutenant Paris are the proud parents of a beautiful baby girl.”

Neelix clapped his hands together in delight and Harry’s face broke out into a wide grin, but Chakotay was still frozen in his chair. _Baby girl_.

“They’ve decided to keep her then?” B’Elanna asked breathlessly.

“Yes, they have. And they’ve even decided on a name for her.” The Doctor smiled as he took his seat next to Seven. “They’ve named her Amelia Paris-Janeway.”

There were similar cries of delight at this even as Chakotay felt worse and worse. She had a name now. That little creature he’d given the order to leave behind … _Amelia._

“Little Amelia is perfectly healthy, other than a weakened immune system,” The Doctor continued, happy to have such a captive audience. “It’s a result, I think, of not being born via a normal pregnancy. She had no access to the usual antibodies from the mother during gestation or through nursing. But she’ll soon make up for that. I’ve ordered that she be kept isolated for the time being, and the captain and Mr. Paris have agreed to remain isolated too.”

“You mean we don’t get to see her?” Harry slumped back, disappointed. “How long?”

“At least a month,” The Doctor said. “Both parents are taking a leave of absence, which will of course mean a few adjustments to bridge rotas, Commander.”

“Noted,” he said softly. Kathryn Janeway taking leave for a _month_? He couldn’t have imagined it. She must already have formed a strong attachment to the child to even consider it. He would have expected her to fight The Doctor tooth and nail on that.

“But is she alright?” Neelix asked anxiously. “The baby. I mean, she was alone for such a long time.”

Chakotay looked away pointedly, but still listened for The Doctor’s reply.

“Perfectly, Mr. Neelix. She has been in stasis for almost two years and is only the equivalent of two months old.”

_Two months_. Chakotay felt his heart beating painfully.

“She’s really a Human baby?” Harry asked eagerly. “No trace of the mutated DNA at all?”

“Well, I’m still running further scans to determine if she has any latent attributes from her time as a … mutant. But I do not believe so. She looks like, feels like, and unfortunately cries like a normal Human infant.”

“Tom said she was beautiful,” B’Elanna said leaning in a little with a growing smile. “Was he exaggerating?”

“Not at all,” The Doctor said with a distant expression. “Quite lovely. Even if she does have the disadvantage of sharing 50% of her DNA with Mr. Paris.”

“I guess things are gonna change a lot around here,” Harry said. “I can’t imagine Tom and the captain raising a baby together.”

_Neither can I,_ Chakotay thought to himself. He said nothing more as the meeting was concluded and everyone stood to return to duty. He turned to look out of the briefing room windows, restless and confused.

He imagined Kathryn holding a child, face lit up in joy as she cradled her. It was a pleasing image, until he saw Tom standing by her side. He knew he was being ridiculous. He knew there was nothing between them, probably never would be judging by how Tom looked at B’Elanna. But it still seemed to bother him. Tom was going to be sharing something with Kathryn that he so desperately wanted to share with her himself.

It was a moment before he noticed that Tuvok was still in the room. The Vulcan looked at him expressionlessly, yet Chakotay could tell he was in lecture mode.

“What is it, Tuvok?” he asked warily. “Do you have something to add to your report?”

“Only that I wish to express my surprise at your perceived lack of interest in asking the captain for the details of her child,” he said. “I had not expected myself and Lieutenant Torres to be the only ones to have spoken with the captain and Mr. Paris.”

Chakotay’s jaw clenched. “I didn’t believe it necessary. The captain would inform me of the details when it became relevant.”

“A very Vulcan response,” Tuvok said with a frown. “Not one I would have expected from a Human.”

“Humans can surprise even ourselves sometimes, Tuvok,” Chakotay answered looking back out of the window. “Is that all?”

“No.” Tuvok did not come any closer but Chakotay felt his eyes boring into the back of his head. “I know the captain would have appreciated your guidance. Allow me to suggest that you speak to her soon. She is facing a new and unusual situation, and I believe she would appreciate your support.”

“Because I’m her first officer?”

“Because you are her friend,” Tuvok replied. “Captain Janeway has a tendency to put a great deal of pressure on herself, and that is only sure to increase. She does not need the additional pressure right now of worrying about her ship and its crew.”

Chakotay sighed. “I’ll speak to her, Tuvok,” he promised, though he felt apprehensive at the very thought of it. “I confess, I haven’t spoken to her as much as I should have. It’s a strange situation for us all.”

“Very well, Commander.”

Tuvok said nothing further as he left the room. Chakotay remained staring out of the window, a heaviness weighing him down as he thought of the little girl in sickbay.

He wanted to be there for Kathryn. He knew he should be.

But would she be able to forgive him for what he’d done?


	11. New Normal

The first few days after Amelia was finally allowed to leave Sickbay were both the greatest and most stressful of Tom’s life. When she wasn’t receiving immune-boosting treatments in Sickbay, she was either with Tom in his quarters or with the captain, and both of them were taking a bit of time to adjust to their new lives.

He’d cleared out his quarters and made space for a crib and a few other items, but it still seemed somewhat cramped. He and the captain must have blown a month’s worth of replicator rations each gathering all the items they would need; a crib, high chairs, toys, blankets, diapers, _so_ many diapers. The first time he’d been able to bring her home he’d sat and watched her all night as she slept, unwilling to even move as far away as his own bed due to his need to be with her.

It had been a steep learning curve, and Tom now knew far more than he had ever wanted to about changing diapers and how to soothe a crying baby. Thankfully, her crying spells were few; she preferred to lie on her back staring around at the world around her. The only time she seemed to cry at all was when he moved out of her line of vision. Janeway said it was the sign of a future scientist to be curious about their surroundings, but Tom worried it meant she was suffering from their lack of presence in her life when she was born.

He’d spent almost every minute with her when she was in his quarters, wrestling with feeding bottles and sleepsuits, rocking her to sleep, reading to her from a PADD, amusing her with her colourful array of toys. He surprised himself by just how quickly he was taking to this. The Doctor had been less surprised: “ _Well, after all, Mr. Paris, you’re much like a child yourself.”_

No matter how many times it happened, he never got used to the ecstatic warmth he felt in his heart whenever she looked at him or smiled. She didn’t seem to be able to laugh yet, but the gurgling noise she made in her throat made him think that’s what she was trying to do and it was just too damn _adorable_.

When Amelia was with him, he was never bored; even just staring at her for hours on end was enough to keep him occupied. But for the last two days she had been with Janeway, and he was restless.

Janeway had told him to spend the time he had to be isolated working on some new technical specs for some shuttlecraft improvements he had suggested a while ago, but he just couldn’t seem to concentrate. Working from home just wasn’t his thing. He opened file after file and then closed them only a few minutes later to go on a circuit of his quarters. He missed walking about the ship, he missed his friends, he missed B’Elanna. Cabin fever was beginning to set in. And it only four days! He had no idea how he would last four weeks.

An alarm he had set earlier chimed, informing him it was now 1700 hours. He leapt to his feet immediately from his languid position on his couch. He hit his comm badge.

“Paris to transporter room one. Site-to-site transport from my quarters to the captain’s.”

“ _Hold on, Lieutenant. Just confirming with the captain.”_

Tom sighed and tried not to be impatient. The captain hadn’t had to ask _him_ permission when she beamed into his quarters to transfer Amelia, and he hadn’t had to do so to go to Sickbay. Then again, he guessed it was different. Lowly lieutenants probably shouldn’t be allowed to directly beam into their captain’s quarters.

“ _Confirmed, Lieutenant. Transporting you now.”_

Tom’s excitement grew as he felt the familiar sensation of being transported. When complete, he looked around eagerly.

He saw Amelia immediately, sitting happily in the captain’s arms as she walked back and forwards across her quarters, bouncing her gently. He was a little surprised to see the captain out of uniform. Her dress was a little askew, and her hair a bit bedraggled, but she had a wide grin on her face as she looked down at Amelia. He smiled as he watched, a warmth spreading through him.

Janeway looked up and noticed him staring. “What is it, Tom?”

“Oh, nothing,” he said, looking away. “It’s just … it just looks right. You holding her. You look nice.”

“Thanks, Tom, but I’m afraid I look a bit of a mess,” she said with a short laugh. “Little miss Amelia’s quite demanding, isn’t she? Doesn’t like to be left alone for even a second.”

“You got that right,” Tom said, shifting self-consciously. “I guess that’s probably our fault.”

Janeway nodded, both silently agreeing not to raise the subject of ‘abandonment’ again. It made them both feel terrible.

Tom stayed where he was as the captain continued to walk around, looking about awkwardly. Janeway looked back at him.

“Is there a problem, Mr. Paris?”

“No, it’s … I’ve never been in the captain’s quarters before,” he said, laughing nervously. “I think we all think of it as ‘forbidden territory’.”

She raised her eyebrows, an amused smirk on her face. “Would you like a tour?”

Tom laughed, feeling more as ease. “Thanks, but I’ll pass. It’s probably for the best that some things remain a mystery, Captain.”

“Well, sit down then, Lieutenant, and stop making the place look untidy. That’s an order.”

He smiled and moved over to one of the chairs, noting immediately how much more comfortable they were than his own. He looked around appreciatively.

“It’s nice!” he observed, looking at the large windows and huge amount of space. “Almost enough to make me want to start rising up the ranks a bit quicker.”

“I think rising up the ranks is a bit of an impossibility until we get home, Tom,” the captain said, smiling. “Unfortunately for poor Harry. He’ll be the longest serving Ensign in Starfleet history by the time we get home. But I can’t start promoting left, right and centre or we’ll end up as a ship full of captains and I’ll have lost my authority.”

“You could just make yourself an Admiral,” Tom suggested, making her laugh.

“I suppose I could! After all, if I can make a Maquis terrorist my first officer, why not?”

They laughed again, and Tom marvelled at just how quickly they were beginning to settle into this new routine. She’d always been a more approachable captain than he was used to having due to their situation, but off of the bridge, he’d been surprised to find out just how relaxed she could be. She’d even suggested she wouldn’t object to him using her first name when alone with Amelia, but he just wasn’t ready for that yet. He couldn’t call her Kathryn, but he was beginning to drop the ‘Captain’ more and more. He felt he needed that boundary for a little while longer.

“I’ve actually been thinking, Tom,” she said, “that we could try and arrange some new quarters for you. Bigger ones, modified to provide two bedrooms, like we did with Ensign Wildman. There’s space on this deck to expand my quarters for a second room, but I know you’re a little more cramped. I’m afraid _Voyager_ wasn’t built with families in mind.”

“You won’t hear me object!” Tom had been thinking of asking the same thing. It’d definitely be nice to have more space. The quarters of a lieutenant junior grade were hardly prime real estate.

She came over to him after a moment, talking to Amelia in a voice he had never imagined hearing from a captain.

“Shall we go and say hi to Daddy, Amelia? Shall we?”

“Daddy,” he said, laughing softly. “Still getting used to that!

Janeway gently handled Amelia over to him and he lost all interest in the captain as he held his daughter. He couldn’t believe how much he had missed her after only two days. She smiled up at him and he grinned back, leaning in to kiss her on the brow, inhaling that strange but sweet baby scent. _God_ , how he’d missed her!

“What’s this she’s wearing?” he asked, laughing as he pulled back the blanket she was wrapped in. Amelia was dressed in the tiniest little Starfleet uniform he’d ever seen, complete with embroidered insignia and command red shoulders.

“Gift from Neelix,” she said, grinning. “He left it outside the door in a bio-container. It was addressed to ‘Ensign Paris-Janeway’.”

Tom chuckled. “Bet Harry will be pleased by that. Same rank as a baby.”

“It did get me wondering though,” Janeway said, “chances are, she’s going to grow up on this ship and might have to wear the uniform for real one day. I thought the same when Naomi was born. Any children born on board might end up having to crew this vessel in the future.”

“Well,” Tom said, tickling Amelia under the chin. “We’ll have to get your shuttlecraft lessons started as soon as we can then. If you’re going to have to fly this ship one day, Daddy will need to show you how.”

She looked blankly up at him, blinking her big blue eyes. She shifted her gaze to a point somewhere behind him and smiled. Tom looked to see what she was staring at, seeing the stars and space particles streaking past at warp speed. A light was in her eyes.

“She seems to like watching space when we’re at warp,” Janeway said, following his gaze. “It’s what’s gotten her to sleep the last couple of nights.”

“Pity I don’t have so many big windows in my quarters,” Tom lamented, turning back to look at Amelia. “Yeah, you’re _definitely_ gonna be a pilot one day. You’d best get used to that uniform.”

Amelia just continued wriggling around, eyes wide and staring. She was definitely an active little kid. He began to dread what she’d be like when she was older and able to run around. He wondered if they could somehow child-proof the warp core.

“How are things in general, Tom?” Janeway said, heading up to her replicator to fetch some coffee. “Coping with isolation?”

“Barely.” He made a face. “Reminds me too much of prison. And I miss her when she’s here.”

“Then you should spend some more time here,” Janeway said, sitting back down near him. “There’s no point in both of us being bored and missing her. We can both get some work done and spend time with her during the day.”

“Uh, yeah, okay,” Tom said, a little hesitant. It felt weirdly like moving in with his captain, which he knew he’d find pretty odd. But then, if it meant he could spend more time with Amelia, it was worth it.

“Have you spoken to any of the others yet?” she asked him.

Tom nodded. “I’ve been talking to B’Elanna a lot, and Harry called once or twice. But I haven’t shown her to them yet over the link. I just … kinda want to keep her to myself for a while. At least until we know she’s completely healthy and can take her out in public.”

“I understand completely,” Janeway said. “I’ve been the same. I must say, it feels a bit strange. Like she’s some secret we have to hide away.”

Tom agreed. He wasn’t comfortable with that idea. He’d already spent two years denying her existence. He didn’t want to continue doing it.

“How’s Chakotay coping with being captain?” He regretted his words when he saw her face tighten immediately.

“Everything’s running smoothly, according to Tuvok,” she answered. “He’s been giving me status updates every day.”

“Chakotay hasn’t contacted you?” He was surprised; he would’ve thought Chakotay would have been the first on the comm with her.

“Oh, he did. He calls regularly. But we don’t talk about much. Certainly not about Amelia,” Janeway said, and he noticed just how sad her voice had suddenly become. Her gaze drifted and fell upon the doors to her quarters almost as if wishing she could leave to go elsewhere. “He’s a good commander. I don’t doubt he can take the lead for a while.”

Tom didn’t either, but he was confused. Chakotay did not seem the sort of person to be distant, not in matters like this. He’d often known him to march straight into Janeway’s ready room after she’d had to make a particularly difficult decision, almost as if he _knew_ she needed him. He hadn’t expected him to withdraw like this. He decided to move away from the subject however.

“I’d best get her back to my quarters,” he announced, standing up. “Will I see you at 0900 in Sickbay for her treatment?”

“I’ll be there,” Janeway said, resting her hand on Amelia’s head and kissing her on the cheek.

“Okay,” he said, and tapped his comm badge. “Paris to transporter room. Beam me to my quarters.”

“ _Acknowledged, Lieutenant.”_

The last thing he saw before he was beamed away was sad smile on Janeway’s face as she watched them disappear. He knew it was probably the same expression he’d had two days earlier when watching her disappear with their daughter.

Once back in his quarters, he walked around with Amelia for a little while, seeing her eyes finally get heavier and laid her down in her bed where she lay still, eyes blinking slowly and sleepily. He stood and watched for a moment before going back to sit at his table, reluctantly pulling forward a PADD containing one of The Doctor’s parenting books towards him. While he admitted they did have some practical advice about raising a kid, he found that he didn’t much care for most of it. The captain had been right when she’d said this was a learn on the job kind of thing. Still, The Doctor was planning on quizzing him on it, and he didn’t want to give him any excuse to criticise him, so he began to read.

About half an hour later he heard a beeping coming from his computer, indicating an incoming transmission from B’Elanna. His heart leapt and he answered it straight away.

“B’Elanna! Thank God, I’m going stir crazy here.”

She smiled. “I would have thought having a kid would be enough to occupy you.”

“Well, she’s sleeping at the moment, and The Doctor’s forcing me to read all these parenting books so your call is perfect timing,” he said, indicating the PADD in his hand. “How are you?”

“I’m good, Tom. Missing you though,” she said, leaning in a little. She was in her quarters, elbows on the table and face resting in her hands. “This is going to be a long month.”

“Tell me about it,” he said, similarly leaning in. He was surprised by just how much he wanted to have her around, how much he missed seeing her every day. “How did your modifications to Engineering work out? Weren’t you testing them today?”

“Initial results look good,” she said, brightening a little. “Might improve warp core efficiency by up to 12%.”

“That’s fantastic!” He winked. “I’m going to need all the power I can get. After this quarantine is over and I’m back at the helm I’m planning on taking _Voyager_ out for a real ride through the galaxy.”

“Yeah, I just hope we’re up to it. It might end up draining our dilithium supplies too quickly though. We’ve got a lot in reserve, but still …”

“You’ll work it out,” he said with a fond smile. “You’re the best engineer I know. And you’ve got a great team down there.”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “Some of them, yeah. Oh, I’m not being fair really. I’m just too much of a perfectionist when it comes to my engines. Harry keeps hanging around, which is putting me off a little.”

“Harry?” Tom raised his eyebrows. “Is he considering a stint in Engineering?”

“I hope not,” B’Elanna muttered darkly. “I think he’s just pining after you. Looking for something to occupy himself.”

“What can I say? I’m just that popular.”

“How are you though, Tom?” she asked, brow creasing. “How’s Amelia?”

Tom glanced at the door which led to where Amelia lay sleeping. He couldn’t help but smile.

“She’s great, B’Elanna. I’m in love, I can’t help it. Sorry, you’ve been demoted.”

“That’s the way it should be,” B’Elanna said. “I’m glad you’re coping so well.”

“Oh, it isn’t easy,” he said lightly. “You wouldn’t _believe_ what I go through when I have to change her diapers. It makes cleaning out the warp plasma conduits look like a piece of cake. But she’s just so cute I don’t even care.”

“Glad to hear it. I can’t wait to meet her,” B’Elanna said. She sighed. “It can’t be easy for you doing it on your own in there.”

“It’s not too bad, and the captain’s been great too,” he shrugged. “We’re both kind of just ‘going with the flow’.”

“Is that an old Earth expression?” She rolled her eyes. “Is it weird being with Janeway so much?”

He thought for a moment. “No, not really. Little awkward at times, but I’m starting to see a whole new side of her. She’s actually pretty funny.”

He hesitated a moment, remembering the captain’s expression in her quarters. “Do you see Chakotay much?”

“Chakotay? A little. I’ve been up on the bridge a little more recently. Why?”

“Nothing really,” he said, pausing. “It’s just … I get the impression he’s being a little distant with the captain. I think she’d appreciate a chance to talk to him. _Properly_ talk to him.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Wow, you really are spending a lot of time with her.”

“Maybe, I am,” he said, chewing his lip. “But I’m serious. I think there’s something up with him. Have you noticed anything?”

She considered it for a minute and her expression grew troubled. “I suppose he has been more distracted lately,” she mused. “I thought it was just adjusting to command. Maybe it’s something more.” She narrowed her eyes a little. “What exactly is it you’re suggesting here, Lieutenant? Are you playing matchmaker or something?”

“Course not, but you see it too, right?” he said. “The captain and the commander? There’s been something going on there for a while. I don’t want Amelia to make things weird for them. You’re his friend. Try and … I don’t know, talk to him a little. Get him to open up.”

She drew in a long breath and exhaled loudly, shaking her head. “The things I do for you, Tom Paris. I could get demoted for daring to lecture my commander.”

“Like that’s ever stopped you before,” he smirked. He reached out and touched the screen, moved by a sudden wave of affection for her. “I love you, you know.”

“I know,” she said, also reaching out. “I love you too.”

A cry from his bedroom alerted him to the fact that Amelia had suddenly realised he was no longer there. B’Elanna’s eyes lit up.

“Is that her?”

“Yup,” he sighed, beginning to stand up. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go and sing some _very_ bad Denobulan lullabies _very_ off-key. I’ll speak to you tomorrow? Same time?”

“Sure thing,” she said with a smile before she ended the transmission. He was grateful she didn’t push him to introduce the two. For some reason, he didn’t want B’Elanna to meet her for the first time over a monitor.

Amelia’s cries had grown quite loud by the time he reached her, but as soon as her eyes fell on him, she immediately quieted. She looked up at him with those wide intelligent-looking eyes.

“You knew exactly what you were doing there, didn’t you?” he asked, scooping her up. “But Daddy can love two girls. Yes, he can.”

She looked at him as though she understood fully, and he was amazed again at just how perceptive she seemed. Maybe she _would_ be a scientist like her mother rather than a pilot.

He sat down on his bed with her in his arms, swaying her gently side to side. He loved her so much already. He wondered how he could ever have thought of her as something embarrassing.


	12. A Long Awaited Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read and commented so far! Uploading two chapters for you to make up for the gap!

Chakotay felt his eyelids drooping as he read through yet another report. _How does Kathryn do this_ , he wondered, closing one down and opening the next. _It’s mind numbing_. It had been far easier as captain of the _Val Jean._ There, no one had bothered to hand in personnel reports, or status updates. They were too busy fighting for their lives.

Giving it up for lost, he closed down the monitor, resting his head on his hands. He wanted her back on the bridge, wanted things to return to the way they had been. But he knew that was impossible. Things were never going to be the same.

A chime sounded at the door and he called for whoever it was to enter. B’Elanna strode into the ready room and handed him a PADD, which he took while concealing his grimace.

“Final results on the modifications we made,” she said. “I’ll review again in a month, but it looks promising.”

“Thanks, Lieutenant,” he said, adding the PADD to the pile beside him. When she didn’t leave, however, he looked back up. “Was there something else?”

“Yes, sort of,” she said, shuffling a little before him and looking uncertain. “Can I talk to you about something? As friends?”

“Always,” he said, inviting her to sit in front of the desk. “What’s on your mind?”

B’Elanna took her seat, glancing all around the room for a moment before returning her gaze to him. He waited patiently, wondering what on earth could have made her nervous.

“It’s about you, Chakotay,” she said, speaking quickly. “I was wondering … have you been in touch with the captain?”

Chakotay kept his face passive with difficulty. “I spoke to her this morning about some sensor malfunctions in astrometrics.”

“But have you spoken to her about anything other than work?” B’Elanna asked. She shifted in her seat. “Asked her how she is?”

“Is this concern for the captain’s welfare or mine?” he asked, beginning to see where she was heading, and not liking it.

“Both,” she said. She fixed him with a hard look. “You’ve been distracted, Chakotay. And I think I know why. Why don’t you talk to her?”

Chakotay had a sudden urge to tell her mind her own business, but he had invited her to speak frankly after all, and he could tell she was genuinely concerned.

“I’m giving her some space, that’s all,” he said, shrugging. “She’s got a lot on her plate at the moment.”

“Exactly. And maybe she needs someone close who can talk to her about it.” B’Elanna frowned a little. “She’s the captain, Chakotay, she’s at the top of food chain. It gets kinda lonely up there. You’re one of the only ones she _can_ talk to openly.”

“What’s brought all this on?” he asked curiously.

B’Elanna had the decency to look a little guilty. “I was talking to Tom last night,” she explained. “He seems to think the captain needs to talk to you.”

That hit Chakotay harder than he had expected. The thought that Kathryn was alone in her quarters, wishing he would reach out to her hurt. He had expected exactly the opposite. And that _Tom Paris_ would have realised that before he did didn’t sit right with him.

“What can I say, B’Elanna?” he said, letting down his guard a little. “Please forgive me for abandoning your kids and killing two of them? I don’t know how she sees me now, how our relationship’s changed. I’m not sure what to say.”

“You won’t know until you try,” she said, voice heavy with persuasion. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t get the impression that Tom blames you for what happened. There’s no reason the captain would.”

_Yeah, but I’m not hopelessly in love with Tom_ , he thought to himself. _I don’t find myself hoping to one day finally declare my feelings to_ him.

B’Elanna seemed to know what he was thinking and reached out to touch his hand with her own, leaning in a little.

“Think of it this way,” she said, eyebrow raised. “The captain is stuck in that room with no one for company every day apart from a baby, The Doctor and Tom Paris.”

“Good point,” he said, attempting a smile. “I guess it’s in the best interests of the ship that I try and stop her from going completely crazy.”

“That’s the spirit,” she said, smiling back. She stood up and turned to leave. She paused in the doorway and glanced back at him. “Ask her about the baby, Chakotay,” she advised. “Tom comes alive when he talks about her. It may make you feel better to see the same thing with the captain.”

As she left, Chakotay sat and weighed up what she had said. He couldn’t deny she had a point. He desperately wanted to talk to Kathryn, and he knew how welcome his visits and calls always had been in the past. It was his own selfish cowardliness that was holding him back. His reluctance to face the woman whose child he had abandoned and explain his actions. He could not bear it if she ended up hating him.

Screwing himself up, he opened his monitor once again and tapped a few panels to open a channel to the captain’s quarters before he could chicken out.

A few seconds later it was answered, and Kathryn’s face filled his screen. Her face split into a huge smile, which made his heart leap.

“Commander! I wasn’t expecting a call.”

“Can’t an old friend check up on another?” he asked, his anxiety melting away as he took in her appearance. She was out of uniform and looked far happier and freer than he could recall seeing her for a while. Immediately, he was glad he had called. The audio messages they’d been exchanging for the last couple of days just couldn’t replicate the sheer thrill of seeing her again.

“I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me,” she said, and he sighed heavily.

“Sorry, Kathryn. I should’ve called more.”

“I understand. Can’t be easy taking over command at such short notice.”

He avoided her eyes for a moment. Both of them knew that wasn’t the reason he had been avoiding her.

“Is there something I can help you with?” she asked, going back into captain mode.

“No, nothing,” he said. He didn’t want her to think he’d only contacted her to talk about _Voyager._ “I wanted to talk to you. Ask you how you’re doing.”

“I’m doing fine, Chakotay,” she answered, eyes lighting up. “More than fine.”

“And how’s … Amelia?” he said, fixing a smile on his face.

True to B’Elanna’s prediction, Kathryn seemed to glow at the question and her smile became even wider.

“Oh, she’s wonderful, Chakotay,” she gushed. “I can’t quite believe all this is happening but I wouldn’t change it for the world. She’s perfect. Cries a lot whenever you leave her alone but otherwise she’s no trouble. I can see a career in Starfleet ahead of her. Is that too premature?”

“For a daughter of yours, I don’t think so,” he said, laughing. “You’re Starfleet through and through. I imagine it’s written into your DNA.”

“Wait till you see the uniform Neelix replicated for her. She’s adorable.”

“Is she there?” Chakotay tried to keep his expression warm, but he felt the now familiar sensation of dread inside of him.

“No, she’s with Tom. You’ll get to see her when all this is over.”

“Can’t wait,” he said with a determined smile, but secretly feeling worse. A huge part of him was shying away from the thought of meeting this child, of putting a face to the infant he had left.

Kathryn closed her eyes for a moment and sighed contentedly. “I really had given up hope of having children. And God knows this isn’t the most ideal of conditions. But I’m just so happy.”

“Then I am too,” he said in all sincerity, moved by the sheer joy he saw on her face. “You deserve happiness, Kathryn.”

And she was truly happy; he could see it on her face. And despite his own worries and concerns, a part of him was too. He wanted this for her. Even if he was miserable, he wanted her to live a happy, contented life. His entire body seemed to be humming with pleasure as he saw her joy.

She opened her eyes and smiled at him again, a cloudiness coming into her eyes. “I’m so glad you called,” she said, voice softer and more emotional than before.

“Me too,” he said genuinely. “And I promise not to take so long to call again.”

A gentler, less guarded expression crossed her face and Chakotay stared at her a long moment, wishing he could reach through the screen and pull her into his arms. He vowed at that moment not to let his own personal feelings interfere in this matter again. No matter what guilt he felt, he wouldn’t hide from her. Her happiness was more important to him than his own discomfort.

Kathryn raised one eyebrow and her lips twitched. “Now, tell me all about these problems you’re having sitting in my chair.”

“Problems? What problems?” he asked, also resisting a smile.

“Chakotay …”

“Oh, all right,” he laughed. He lifted up the pile of PADDs on the desk beside him and showed them to her. “You know me too well. What exactly would you do with all _this?”_

“The trick is, Commander,” she said, leaning back in her chair with a wink, “to drink a nice, steaming cup of coffee. Lots of them.”

“I thought that might be it,” he grinned. He lifted the mug which was sitting next to him. “I came prepared.”

She laughed and his own body seemed to ring with the sound of it. “I taught you well.”

They laughed together for a moment before they lapsed into more general conversation, some about the ship, and some about Amelia, and as they talked Chakotay felt his heart grow lighter and lighter.

Neither of them broached the subject of the abandonment, and Chakotay knew he’d have to face that painful moment at some point. But for now, he was content to just talk to her, and more importantly, let her talk to him.


	13. Back to Work

The day had finally come to end the month’s quarantine, and Tom was more than ready. It had been a lot tougher than he had thought, but seeing Amelia almost every day when he visited the captain’s quarters or had her in his own more than made up for the occasional boredom. He was amazed at how much she was already starting to grow.

All three of them had gone to Sickbay for The Doctor to give her one final health check, and Tom sat at the side with the captain, both dressed back in their uniforms ready to return to work. Tom now found it almost strange to see the captain in her uniform now; they’d become so used to beaming in and out of each other’s quarters that formalities were dropping quickly. The first time he had beamed in to find her in her nightwear, however, had been mortifying.

He and the captain had spent most of their days with Amelia, even taking her to the holodeck one time after clearing it with The Doctor first. True, she was perhaps too young for most of the children’s programmes there, but she’d enjoyed the beach simulation they’d created, smiling at the seagulls overhead and staring with wide eyes at the crashing sea. Tom and Janeway had strolled along the beach with her, discussing their upcoming return to duty and how they were going to arrange things. He was surprised just how at ease he was with her now. He began to worry he might find it strange to go back to taking her orders on the bridge.

“How’s she doing, Doc?” he asked, seeing The Doctor had now finished his scans and was just making silly faces at the baby.

The Doctor straightened up immediately and cleared his throat. “Yes, well, she’s absolutely fine. The immune-boosting therapy I’ve given her seems to have worked and I’ve managed to provide her with the usual inoculations. I don’t believe she’ll have any further issues at present.”

“Good,” Tom said, breathing a sigh of relief.

“I have noticed a few abnormalities, however,” he continued. When Tom and Janeway looked at each other in alarm he quickly spoke again. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing concerning. Just a few observations I’ve made over the month every time you’ve brought her in. I suspect she has a few latent abilities from her previous life.”

“The medic on the Selozian ship mentioned an increased sense of smell,” Janeway said, “are you saying there’s more?”

Tom glanced at Amelia, his unease growing. He remembered what it was like turning into that creature, how he’d lost the ability to breath an oxygen atmosphere, how his internal organs had changed. He dreaded to think what she might have inherited.

“Yes, and frankly, I think they will prove quite beneficial in the long run,” The Doctor said, happily, lifting her into his arms. “Her senses are all more acute than the average Human’. Her lung capacity is greater, her heart stronger, her muscle tissue more developed. Cognitive scans also reveal a greater memory capacity and the potential for great intelligence. I think she’ll learn quickly and prove highly adaptable.”

Tom wasn’t completely surprised. He’d already observed that Amelia seemed to be extremely perceptive and aware of her surroundings. Her eyes always seemed to look at him like she knew exactly what was going on around her.

“Any drawbacks, Doc?” he asked. “Anything we should look out for?”

“Well, I would like to continue monitoring the development of her immune system,” said The Doctor, before cooing down at Amelia, who then gurgled back. “She may have issues there in the future, especially considering the vast amount of First Contacts this ship conducts. She may also be a little delayed in learning to walk and speak. But I don’t anticipate anything serious.”

“And the separation anxiety?”

“Entirely normal,” The Doctor said, “though perhaps a little early. Human babies don’t tend to develop that until about six months. But I suppose she hasn’t had a normal beginning.”

Tom still felt guilty however. He worried about how she’d cope as they returned to work.

“We can go back to our duties?” the captain asked, and Tom could see how she itched to be back on the bridge.

“Yes, but I recommend no away missions for either of you for a while as her immune system develops.”

“Doctor, the environmental filters—"

“Aren’t flawless, Captain,” The Doctor responded, his stern gaze somewhat offset by the smiling baby in his arms. “Please, don’t risk it.”

Janeway sighed. “Very well.”

“I also recommend you both take those parenting classes I created in the holodeck,” The Doctor said with a proud smile. “I’ve been expanding my programming with a great deal of paediatric subroutines.”

Before Tom or Janeway could do more than shoot mild panicked glances at each other, the Sickbay doors opened.

“Ensign Wildman!” Tom cried, moving towards her quickly to get away from The Doctor. “Long time, no see. How’s Naomi?”

“She’s doing great, Lieutenant,” she smiled, before looking over his shoulder and gasping. “Is this her?”

“This is her,” Janeway said fondly as Ensign Wildman came forwards. The Doctor, after a half-glance at Janeway, lowered her into the ensign’s arms, where she sat quite happily, if somewhat confused; it would probably take her some time to get used to others.

“Oh, she’s lovely,” Ensign Wildman said, smiling down at the baby. “Congratulations, both of you.”

“Now, are you sure you’re alright to babysit?” Janeway asked her. “We don’t want you to feel like you have to just because you’re the only other person with a child on board.”

“I’m happy to do it, Captain.” Ensign Wildman was beaming. “You were so good to me when I had Naomi that I’m just glad I can return the favour. And besides, Naomi’s so excited!”

“Just be warned,” Tom said touching Amelia’s hand briefly. “She’ll scream bloody murder when we leave her. Naomi will probably end up wanting to send her out the nearest air lock.”

“I’ll come with you to help her settle in,” Janeway said to Ensign Wildman. “Lieutenant, I suggest you get to the bridge. I’ll join you shortly.”

“Aye, Captain,” he said, pausing only for a moment before he left Sickbay to look back at his daughter.

Walking back through _Voyager_ almost felt strange after beaming everywhere for a month. He ran into no one and was soon in the turbolift heading to the bridge. When the doors opened, he was immediately met with a shout from ops.

“Tom! You’re back!”

“Yeah, Harry, looks like it!” he grinned, heading onto the bridge. “The Doc’s seen fit to release me back into the wild.”

Harry responded with a grin, and even Tuvok nodded in his direction, which was about as much as Tom could expect of him.

He stepped down to the main area and looked to Chakotay, who was sitting in the captain’s chair. “Permission to return to duty, sir?”

Chakotay’s lip twitched.

“Take the conn, Lieutenant.” Tom nodded and relieved the ensign who was sitting in his usual seat, stretching his fingers and looking down at the panels before him, a feeling of familiarity washing over him. “Oh, and Lieutenant?” Chakotay’s lips had spread into a full smile. “Welcome back.”

“Good to be back, Commander,” he said truthfully, grinning as he cast his eyes over the sensor information and checking their course and speed. “This sure beats staring at the walls of my quarters for hours on end.”

It seemed the ship was in the midst of a test of the warp engines, reviewing the modifications B’Elanna had made a month earlier, and he immediately set to work, glad he’d asked B’Elanna for so many details during their long video calls. They were nearing the end, and Chakotay was calm and measured as he gave his orders, entirely professional.

Tom focused as best he could but simply could not help letting his attention wander back to Amelia, wondering how she was with Ensign Wildman, whether she was coping with meeting two new people. He tried to shake himself out of it.

Eventually, the trials were over and Chakotay declared them a success, giving Tom a new speed and heading. As he entered this, he heard the turbolift open.

“Tom! Glad to see you back!”

Having set _Voyager_ on her course, Tom spun around and smiled as Neelix entered the bridge, coffee pot in hand.

“Wow, seems like everyone’s missed me,” he quipped. “Didn’t know you all cared.”

“The captain’s not here?”

“She’s taking Amelia to Ensign Wildman’s,” he explained. “She’ll be on the bridge soon.”

Neelix stepped down to fill Chakotay’s mug, who, Tom just noticed, had now moved back to his usual seat, leaving Janeway’s seat clear.

“You know, _I’m_ considered quite good with children, Tom.” Neelix hinted heavily. “I’ve got loads of experience with Naomi.”

“I think we’ll just let her get used to one babysitter to start with, thanks, Neelix,” Tom said. “She’s got some fierce separation anxiety.”

“You’re not bringing her with you?” Neelix looked disappointed.

“I can’t exactly pilot _Voyager_ with a baby on my lap!” he protested. “Especially one as squirmy as she is.”

“On Telax, infants stay with their parents for a full year. They go absolutely everywhere with them,” Neelix said. “The babies are carried in beautiful, elaborate pouches. I could replicate one for you?”

“Thanks, but I’ll pass,” Tom said. “The amount this ship gets thrown around I’d probably land on her and crush her.”

“How is fatherhood treating you, Tom?” Chakotay asked. He was smiling, but there was a subdued sadness in his eye.

“So great,” he answered, unable to stop the grin on his face. “I mean, yeah, there’s a few hard moments, and some _really_ gross ones too, but overall it’s amazing. I’m so lucky.”

“Fatherhood is often a time of great contradictions,” Tuvok said. “Children are often disturbingly illogical, yet profoundly fulfilling. You should expect many such paradoxes.”

“Thanks, Tuvok, I think.”

“When do we get to meet her?” Harry asked eagerly and Tom hid his smile. Harry had been bugging him for days to let him see Amelia.

“Yes, I was thinking about that myself,” Neelix said, bouncing forwards, his true purpose for coming to the bridge now clear. “It’s coming up on Prixin, the Telaxian celebration of family. I thought this year we could celebrate it a little early and have a naming ceremony.”

“Naming ceremony?” Tom considered it for a moment. “Not a bad idea. What does it involve?”

“Oh, not much. You and the captain stand up with the baby and the celebrant (me, of course) announces the baby’s name to everyone and you both promise to look after her in front of everybody. Then there’s a _lovely_ feast where everyone gets to meet the baby. I know you’ve already announced the name, but it’d be such a boost for the crew.”

“I like it,” Tom said, smiling. “You’d have to check with the captain though.”

As if called at that moment, Janeway herself walked onto the bridge. “The Doctor was right about her increased lung capacity,” she said, looking to Tom in exasperation. “She screamed so loud they could probably hear her in the Alpha Quadrant. I’ll need to send some extra replicator rations Samantha’s way.”

“And put a security detail on the airlocks,” Tom joked, making her laugh.

“Captain, how lovely it is to see you,” Neelix said, broad smile on his face. “I’ve got your coffee for you.”

“You’re a saint, Neelix.” He handed her a cup of the coffee he carried and she sighed in pleasure after taking a long draught. “I needed that.”

Turning around, she took her usual spot in the captain’s chair, adjusting herself slightly. A small smile tugged at her lips. It appeared she was glad to be back.

“I was actually just discussing something with Tom,” Neelix ventured. “How about holding a naming ceremony for the baby? It’d a great idea to introduce her to everyone. Tom’s all for it.”

Janeway glanced to Tom for a moment before smiling up at Neelix. “Why not? I must say I’d appreciate the chance to see everyone again. Arrange it.”

“Oh, wonderful!” Neelix beamed at her. “I’ll arrange one for tonight, 1800 hours in the mess hall.”

“We’ll be there,” Janeway said. She looked around the bridge, smiling as she met everyone’s eyes. “You’re all welcome.”

“Thanks, Captain. I can’t wait.” Harry looked thrilled. Tuvok also indicated he would attend.

The only person who looked unenthused, even more so than Tuvok, was Chakotay. Tom watched him carefully for a moment, detecting again that same subtle sadness in his expression.

He wondered if Janeway noticed it too.


	14. Prixin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments! Slightly longer chapter than usual, and I'll upload another very soon. My updating schedule is shockingly bad at the moment, apologies.

The mess hall was a bustling hive of activity and colour. Gone was the usual mass of black, blue, red and yellow, instead, a veritable rainbow of colour filled the space as what seemed like almost the entire crew milled around in their nicest clothes. Chakotay wondered if there was anybody left to crew the ship.

Neelix had prepared a large buffet of food of all cultures, mostly Terran cuisine, the centrepiece of which was a large chocolate cake with the words: ‘Welcome, Amelia!’. The smells were delectable, even for Neelix, and the place looked bright and welcoming with all the bunting and banners which had been strung about the place. He had been amazed that Neelix could have organised it all at such short notice before he realised that he’d probably been planning it from the moment the baby came on board.

Everyone was excited. Large groups of people were clustered together talking and laughing, each of them glancing at the doors every so often to check if the guests of honour had arrived. Neelix cut his way through the crowd, greeting everyone with a cheerful grin on his face. The only one who seemed less than happy was Chakotay.

He knew he should just snap out of. He certainly didn’t want to be the one to bring the mood down. But his insides were squirming as he thought of the meeting which was coming up. When he’d finally come face to face with the child he’d abandoned.

The parents were due any moment, and to stop himself staring at the door, Chakotay turned to walk through the crowd, determined to make himself relax and stop sticking out. He took up a position on the outside near the mess hall windows. He stared out at space for a few moments.

_Get a grip of yourself, Chakotay_ , he told himself. _Kathryn doesn’t need to see you like this. You need to be there for her._

He sensed a presence at his shoulder and turned to see that Tuvok, also not one to be at ease in social gatherings, had broken off from the crowd to approach him.

“It was my belief, Commander,” he began, “that Humans usually treat the birth of children with joy. You do not seem to share that sentiment.”

Chakotay laughed bitterly. “Tell me how I’m supposed to feel joyful. Tuvok. I abandoned this little girl and her siblings. How can I look her in the eyes, in the eyes of her parents, without feeling guilty?”

“I believe you are being most illogical, Commander.” Tuvok frowned. “You did not abandon them out of malice, but instead because you believed it was in the children’s best interests.”

“Well, I was wrong there, wasn’t I?” Chakotay lamented, heart thumping. “I killed two of them, and almost killed the third.”

“It seems foolish to punish yourself over something which is entirely outside of your control,” Tuvok told him, coming to stand by his side as they looked over the gathering. “What happened is past. Captain Janeway has given no indication that she blames you for what happened. The child is now here, and you have a chance to remedy your less than fortunate early dealings with her.”

Chakotay stared at his feet, trying to listen to the Vulcan’s indisputable logic, willing himself to forget this guilt and move on.

“And may I remind you, Commander,” Tuvok said, turning to look at him. “I was also there when that order was given. Based on what I had observed on the planet, I believed you made the correct decision given the information at the time. I made no objections. Do you blame me for what happened?”

“No, Tuvok,” he said gently, “but you weren’t in command. I should’ve waited, done more tests on the offspring, tried … something.”

“Commander, you have no way of knowing what could have happened if you had indeed brought them on board,” Tuvok remarked. “Conditions here may have killed them, they may have died anyway. And we had no idea how to convert their DNA, unlike with the captain and Mr. Paris. To subject them to medical experiments in the hopes of changing their very identity would have been cruel. Humans often drive themselves to great emotional distress by such thinking. Do not second guess yourself.”

Chakotay said nothing as Tuvok moved off and was accosted, unwillingly, by Neelix who invited him to try some Vulcan pastries. He stood and watched, determined to stop this spiral of guilt and get lost in his own self-doubt again as he had done for the last month. Across the crowd, he was intrigued to see another person looking as uncertain as he felt.

He sidled through the crowd as quickly as he could in order to approach her.

“B’Elanna,” he called, seeing her jump in surprise as she suddenly noticed him standing beside her. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. Her arms were closed tightly around her body. “It’s just … I don’t know, Chakotay. I’m thrilled for Tom, I really am. But this is all really overwhelming.”

“You’re nervous about meeting her?” Chakotay surmised. He sighed. “Me too.”

“Tom and I’s relationship has barely begun and now I’m going to be helping look after his kid,” B’Elanna said, biting her lip. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

“Have you told any of this to Tom?”

“Oh no,” she shook her head fiercely. “I couldn’t. He’s so excited, so happy. I don’t want to crush him. It’s just … the thought of being a mother is freaking me out a little.”

“You do know Captain Janeway’s the mother, right?” he said, placing his hand on her shoulder and smiling. “Tom wouldn’t want you to be stressing about this, B’Elanna. And I doubt he’s going to be expecting you to be her step-mom right away. Just take your time and get to know her, and let Tom know you care. You might find you enjoy it.”

B’Elanna lips slowly moved into a smile. “Is that what you’re gonna do?”

Chakotay and B’Elanna stared at each other for a moment before he sighed. “That’s what I’m going to try and do,” he admitted. “For the captain’s sake.”

“You really care about her, don’t you?” B’Elanna asked, a subtle frown forming.

“Yes, I do,” he admitted, knowing when to accept defeat. “And they need us to be strong for them. So, hide all your doubts for now, and just take it as it comes.”

B’Elanna reached up and patted the hand which he had on her shoulder, eyes swimming with gratitude. He nodded and squeezed her shoulder, wondering just when he’d become such an expert. Hadn’t he been the one spiralling into self-doubt only a few moments ago? He guessed it took seeing it in someone else to make you realise the changes you had to make in your own life.

“They’re coming!” An engineering crewman came running into the mess hall with a wide grin on his face. Immediately, the buzz in the room increased seven-fold as people stood on their toes to get a better look and elbowed each other to get to the front. Chakotay’s heart leapt and he willed himself to stay calm. _Do this for Kathryn_ , he told himself. _Don’t let her see your guilt._

The doors slid open, and the room as a whole gasped and cheered as one as Kathryn and Tom entered the mess hall. A bundle of pink was being carried carefully in the captain’s arms from which protruded some impossibly small limbs.

Feeling like he’d been struck by lightning, Chakotay found himself moving forwards through the crowd, feet seeming oddly heavy. He stopped near the front, eyes fixed on the form held protectively in Kathryn’s arms.

Despite everything rational telling him otherwise, including all the accounts he’d heard from Kathryn, a tiny part of him was still surprised to see a Human infant. The mutated lifeform he’d seen two years ago had been so firmly implanted into his memories that it was a shock to the system to see her like this, unable to equate this wonderful thing with the creature he had seen back then.

She was absolutely stunning.

Amelia squirmed in her mother’s arms, large eyes wide as they surveyed the mass of people before her. Her arm waved a little, almost as though she wished to reach out and touch them. She was very small, though her face was pleasingly round like all infants’, her cheeks flushed with pink and her eyes bright. Her hair was a light wispy blonde and a little flowered headband had been tied around her forehead. As everyone around him gushed over the child and shouted congratulations, Chakotay could not stop staring at her. He thought she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Kathryn and Tom beamed, their faces aglow with happiness. It was clear they couldn’t be prouder of their daughter. Neelix couldn’t contain himself and rushed forwards to lean over the wide-eyed Amelia.

“Oh, she’s so precious!” he exclaimed, smiling at her. “My goodness! How proud you must be! She’s – “

“Uh, Neelix?” Tom cut him off before he could really get going, though he looked pleased. “Isn’t there a ceremony or something?”

“Oh, yes,” Neelix said, snapping his fingers. “I almost forgot.” He gestured for the parents to step forward, pointing towards a raised platform he had erected at the opposite end of the mess hall. “Right down there.”

Kathryn and Tom followed him, passing through the crowd with some difficulty as everyone surged forwards for a closer look. To her credit, the baby didn’t look fazed in the slightest, blinking up at everyone with a mild curiosity as near a hundred faces passed above her.

“Right, Captain, you stand there,” Neelix said, pointing as they finally reached the platform which Neelix had decorated with an enormous amount of flowers. “And Tom, you’re there.”

They took the positions he indicated, and Neelix carefully took Amelia from her mother to hold her delicately. Amelia protested a little as she was lifted but stopped her complaints when Neelix started fussing over her, looking intrigued at the sight of the man above her, whose appearance was so obviously different from her parents’.

Chakotay took a position near the front again. His eyes moved from the baby to Kathryn. She looked so happy he felt his own unease fading.

“Now, we’re ready to begin!” Neelix called. He looked around the room. “We are gathered here today to welcome the newest addition to _Voyager’s_ crew. One I am sure we will all come to love and cherish as if she was our own. That is, if we haven’t already. I certainly have!”

Neelix adjusted Amelia’s position in his arms and reached out to where he had placed a small bowl of a sweet-smelling substance. He dipped a finger into it and gently dabbed a small circle onto Amelia’s brow, which she wrinkled up immediately, making Neelix chuckle.

“May your days be filled with sweetness and happiness,” he declared. He looked at the two parents. “Now for the promises.” He turned to the captain. “Will you, Kathryn Janeway, swear to forever love and protect this child? To cherish her and guide her through life?”

“I will,” Kathryn said, voice a little choked.

Neelix looked to Tom. “And will you, Tom Paris, swear to forever love and protect this child? To cherish her and guide her through life?”

“I will,” he said, broad grin across his face.

“And do you, crew of _Voyager_ ,” Neelix said, turning to look at everyone. “Friends and family of the parents. Will you promise to forever support these two people to raise their child? To offer guidance and love, compassion and kindness? To do all you can to protect and guide their child through life?”

“We will.” The answer was unanimous and loud, and Chakotay’s voice one of the loudest among them.

“Then I am delighted to present to you this precious little girl and introduce her to you for the first time,” he said, holding Amelia up so everyone could get a good look at her. “I give you, Amelia Phoebe Paris-Janeway!”

The applause was tumultuous, so much so that Chakotay feared the child would be frightened. But she merely blinked rapidly, the expression of bewilderment on her face utterly adorable. Neelix lowered her and began fussing over her again. Amelia stared at him, and began to smile, making Neelix almost start jumping with happiness.

“Neelix? The baby?” Tom prompted, looking amused. Neelix sighed.

“Of course, but I’ll want to get to know her a little more later on!”

Neelix passed her to Tom, who cradled her gently, smiling down into her face and chatting to her in a low voice. As Chakotay watched, he was pleased to see just how happy Tom looked. Just like that morning on the bridge, his whole face lit up when talking about or to his daughter. He looked so much more mature and grown-up than he had thought. Chakotay began to realise that a part of him had been so concerned about this baby precisely because of Tom, worrying that the racer pilot and holodeck afficionado would be overwhelmed at the prospect of settling down with a child.

It was a foolish thought really, considering how much Chakotay admired and trusted the man. If what he was seeing now was any indication, Tom was totally at ease, and completely besotted with her. He was certainly far more adjusted to the situation than Chakotay was.

Kathryn moved closer to Tom to look at Amelia, and despite all his better judgement, Chakotay couldn’t help feel a little jealous as he saw how much closer they were now. More than ever he regretted how distant he had been with the captain. His conversations with her more recently may have been more open and frequent than they were at the start of all this, but there was still a barrier between them. And that barrier was Chakotay’s continued guilt.

Neelix announced the buffet open and many began to move towards the food, but Chakotay and most of the senior officers moved closer to Kathryn and Tom. Harry was there first and grinned broadly as Tom deposited Amelia into his arms. He stood completely rigidly, shoulders hunched as he held her, staring openly.

“At ease, Ensign,” Tom laughed, “it’s a baby, not a targ!”

Harry glared at him but relaxed a little. “She’s so cute!” he enthused.

“Yes, quite hard to believe she possesses Mr. Paris’ DNA,” The Doctor observed. He took his turn next, and Amelia looked visibly pleased to see him, smiling widely. “Quite an intelligent child as well, you see. She recognises me! We’ve grown quite close you know, and—"

“You’re not going to be godfather,” Tom interrupted, rolling his eyes.

“Then I demand to know who is!”

“We’ve not decided yet, Doctor,” Kathryn laughed, “but we’ll keep you on the list.”

The Doctor seemed unwilling to give her up, but eventually sighed. He saw Seven standing next to him, peering with decidedly scientific interest at the child.

“Here, you hold her now.”

Seven frowned and made no move to hold her. “For what purpose?”

“For the purpose of your lessons in humanity,” The Doctor protested. “It is a part of Human social rituals to hold a new baby when being introduced.”

Seven’s eyebrow twitched. “Very well.”

Carefully, The Doctor handed Seven the child, which she held most awkwardly, even more so than Harry just had. She tilted her head to examine the baby.

“She appears very underdeveloped,” she announced. “A few cycles in a Borg maturation chamber would be beneficial.”

There was a hushed silence for a moment as everyone glanced at the captain and Tom.

“Unfortunately, we’re fresh out of those,” Kathryn said, with an amused smirk. “Though I have to say, it might make the potty-training easier.”

“Seven,” The Doctor chided, shaking his head. “You’re supposed to say something _nice_ about the baby.”

Seven glanced at him and then back at Amelia, an audible sigh escaped her lips as she appeared to focus harder, eyes sweeping the child forensically. Her face seemed to soften for a brief instant before the mask was back. “Her facial features are very symmetrical,” she finally said. “Such features are often an indicator of future beauty, an attribute prized in most Human cultures. The Collective would consider her worthy of assimilation.”

“Oh, Seven, you know just how to get me right here,” Tom said, hand over his heart, feigning being overcome.

Seven had by now quickly passed the baby onto Tuvok. He at least, Vulcan or not, knew how to hold a child. He looked down at her for a moment before lifting his head, face blank.

“She is a pleasing weight and appears extremely healthy,” he reported. “You must be proud.”

“So proud,” Tom said, continuing his exaggerated emotions. He seemed pleased though.

The next person to take her was B’Elanna, who cradled her as if she was a precious treasure. Chakotay watched her face carefully and saw it change from trepidation into absolute delight. She bounced the baby, smiling widely before looking up at Tom with tears in her eyes.

“Oh, Tom. She’s perfect.”

Tom met her gaze with just as much emotion, all his jokes gone. He was thrilled by her reaction, and Chakotay immediately knew all of B’Elanna’s worries had been for nothing.

B’Elanna’s turn was by far the longest, and by the time she finally turned to Chakotay to hand him the baby his stomach had tied itself in knots.

She passed her over gently, and he adjusted his arms to allow her to settle comfortably. She wriggled slightly, and then turned her head to look directly up at him.

For Chakotay, it seemed like the whole world seemed to stop. Her clear blue eyes made him freeze on the spot. How could he _ever_ have given the order to abandon her, he thought, as they made eye contact. Amelia’s gaze was direct, and he wondered if she was seeing much more than just him, seeing deep into his heart and spirit. He could have sworn she could, her eyes were too knowing, too perceptive for a mere child. Oddly familiar too.

He felt his barriers collapsing and a strange feeling of tearfulness attempting to overcome him. His heart swelled just to look at her, even as the old guilt stabbed at it. How could he be so happy, yet so miserable at the same time?

From far away, he vaguely became aware of the conversations going on around him. He tore his eyes away from Amelia’s to listen.

“– do you think she looks like?” Neelix was asked, eyes darting between the parents and child.

“A Paris, definitely,” B’Elanna said, eyes still fixed on the baby. “No offence, Captain.”

“Oh no, I agree,” Kathryn said with a sigh. “She looks nothing like me as a baby, and a lot like the old holoimages Admiral Paris used to show us of Tom when I served under him on the _Al-Batani.”_

“I never knew he did that!”

“Yes, unfortunately I think she does resemble Mr. Paris more,” The Doctor said, nodding.

“What do you mean _unfortunately_?”

“She might look more like Tom,” Chakotay began, cutting off Tom’s protests, “but she’s definitely got her mother’s eyes.”

He lifted his gaze from Amelia to Kathryn then, and their eyes met. A spark of something passed between them. Chakotay wanted her to know how much he cared for her, how much he was going to care for this child, in essence, how much he loved them both. He was asking her to forgive him, desperately hoping he would see no anger or blame in the eyes staring back at him.

And he didn’t. Kathryn met his gaze evenly, eyes beginning to well up slightly, deeply touched. No more needed to be said.

Chakotay looked back at Amelia and bent his head down so that he pressed his forehead to hers.

“Peace in your heart, fortune in your steps,” he murmured, performing the traditional blessing of his people.

He drew back, looking back up Kathryn, hoping she’d gotten the message. But more than that, hoping that his incredible sense of guilt would one day fade away completely, as it already had begun to.

He was certainly going to try each and every day to make up for what he’d done. They both deserved that.


	15. A Step Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading and commenting as usual! Over the next few chapters or so there will be a few time jumps. This one is probably the smallest.

Kathryn surprised herself by just how quickly she settled into the new routine of being both a captain and a mother. True, during the first couple of weeks she had struggled to find an appropriate balance, being distracted on the bridge and feeling guilty at hearing Amelia’s wails whenever she left her with Sam or Neelix. After six months had gone by, however, she could almost swear there had never been a time when she’d been on _Voyager_ without her daughter.

The crew took a little longer to adjust however, not accustomed at seeing their captain stroll through the halls with a baby in her arms. Nor could they get used to Tom’s more familiar demeanour when around her. That soon passed however, and, as Tuvok had predicted, the crew became her biggest support, and offered to babysit regularly.

Tom surprised everyone by how readily he took to fatherhood, spending less time on the holodeck, unless it was one of the Flotter kid’s programmes, and threw himself into things with gusto. B’Elanna was just as enthusiastic as Tom, playing with Amelia and caring for her as if she were her own, absolutely doting on her. Kathryn hated to admit it, but she could not help but feel a little jealous when dropping Amelia off with them and their perfect little family unit.

By contrast, her time with Amelia was usually pretty quiet, though Kathryn did not mind. She adored being a mother and spent long hours with Amelia in her arms staring out of the windows in her quarters into the vastness of space. It was still Amelia’s favourite activity, the one thing always guaranteed to get her to sleep.

Kathryn was standing in her usual position at the window holding Amelia, who by now at almost nine months old was beginning to get pretty heavy, when she heard a chime at her door.

“Come in!” she called, expecting Tom, but it was Chakotay who entered. He stopped as he saw her standing with Amelia.

Kathryn watched him warily. He’d been much more open the past few months, making up for his distance in those early days, but she could tell there was still something troubling him.

His features softened into a smile however as he looked her up and down. “It suits you, being a mother,” he said.

“Tom said something similar once,” she said. “I thought he was just trying to get on my good side.”

“Can’t it be both?” Chakotay came closer and smiled at Amelia, taking her hand and waving it around. “It definitely isn’t a lie.”

She watched him interacting with Amelia with a growing sense of pleasure. She loved how he smiled at her, how he took such an interest in every aspect of her life. It meant a lot to her.

“Did you need something?”

He tore his eyes away and held out a couple of PADDs. “The sensor readings of this sector you asked for. We’re coming up on some inhabited systems, and from what we gathered from a passing freighter last week, not all of them are friendly.”

“I’ll take a look,” she sighed, taking it from him awkwardly. Without being asked, he reached out and took Amelia from her, going to sit down on her couch with her, bouncing her on his knee and making her laugh, a sound which still nearly always sent Kathryn into a fit of delight.

Kathryn scrolled through the information, her heart sinking. She sat beside Chakotay.

“This could be a problem,” she said, noting just how crowded this region of space was. “If we have to end up avoiding some systems, we could potentially be adding months to our journey.”

“We’ll work it out,” he promised her with a twinkle in his eye. “We always do.”

She smiled gratefully, and laid the PADDs down on her table, sinking back into her sofa. An uneasy feeling grew inside her. So far, they’d been in relatively uneventful regions of space, but that might now be changing. She was terrified of what might be coming up soon, thinking back with horror to just how many times they were attacked by the Kazon.

Amelia was still laughing, and Kathryn sat back up to look at her, trying to ease some of the worries entering her heart. She had such a beautiful laugh. Chakotay was laughing too as he continued bouncing her on his knee, hands securely holding her in place.

“This one will definitely be a pilot,” he said, “she’ll never be fazed by sub-space distortions or turbulence.”

“No, but she might end up throwing up her dinner,” Kathryn chided gently, despite her own laughs.

“Well, it’s Tom’s night, isn’t it? Let him deal with it.”

She raised an eyebrow. “How do you know that?”

He shrugged. “I memorised your schedules. Figured it was important.”

He was trying to be casual about it, but Janeway was moved that he’d made such an effort. “Was that out of concern for ship functions, or for finding out when I’m free?” she eventually dared to ask.

He lifted his eyes to hers, piercing them with his own warm gaze. “Both,” he said. “It’s come to my attention we haven’t had any of our weekly dinners since little Miss Amelia joined us.”

“You’re right,” she said, softly, heart thumping as he looked at her. “It’s been a while.”

Truth was, she thought he simply hadn’t wanted to continue them. There was something still between them she knew; he looked at her in such a way that she felt her heart racing and her face growing warm. But there was something else between them too, a wall of some sort which separated them. Something still prevented them from resuming the level of intimacy they had shared before.

“Then let’s begin again,” he said, voice low and irresistibly alluring. “Tonight. I’ve got a mean Italian recipe stored in the ship’s data banks. Relax for a while, Kathryn. You deserve it for being such a good mother.”

It was tempting, oh so tempting. Kathryn longed to say yes, to spend the evening here with him in her quarters eating and drinking and chatting the way they used to. But with this distance between them, could she say yes?

His expression was intense, and she found herself leaning towards him, desperate to claw back the closeness of before.

Maybe this was the way she could help to lower that forcefield he had erected between them. She allowed herself to drink in his features, letting her eyes wander for a moment from his eyes as she took in the shape of jaw, the smoothness of his skin …

Before she could give him an answer, the door chime sounded again, and a moment later, Tom walked in. He raised his eyebrows as he saw them sitting there.

“Not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Not at all, Lieutenant,” Chakotay said immediately, tearing his eyes from Kathryn’s and standing up to meet him, lifting Amelia. “You got a nice evening planned?”

“Yeah,” Tom grinned. “B’Elanna and I are taking her to the holodeck. She loves that programme with the giant ducks on Dareb IV.”

Kathryn remained sitting as Chakotay passed Amelia to Tom. As she watched, she could have sworn she saw a passing shadow cover Chakotay’s face. Her own heart felt heavy. As unfeeling as it may sound for Tom’s sake, a huge part of her desperately wished that Amelia had been Chakotay’s. And when he turned back to look at her when Tom had left, she thought she saw that same wish reflected in his eyes.

“Well, how about that dinner?” he asked, the brief moment of sadness gone as he fixed her with a cheerful smile.

“I’d love to,” she said, and stood up to join him at her table.

Whatever was going on with him, she’d rather spend time with him than without him.


	16. The First Test

“Captain, I’m detecting a ship approaching,” Tom informed them, tapping panels rapidly at his station. “They’re coming up on us fast.”

“On screen,” Kathryn ordered, sitting up in her chair. The viewscreen changed to show an approaching vessel which appeared similar in size to _Voyager_. Chakotay watched it with a sense of unease. He didn’t like the look of it.

“Hail them.”

“They’re not responding, Captain,” Tuvok replied. “But they are broadcasting a message on all subspace frequencies.”

“Let’s hear it.”

A second later a harsh sounding voice filled the bridge, a voice so guttural it could have come from an animal.

“Unidentified vessel, leave this system immediately,” the voice growled. “This is Keoni space. You are not welcome.”

The transmission cut off abruptly. Kathryn raised her eyebrows at Chakotay. His bad feeling grew worse.

“Well, that was friendly,” Tom remarked.

“Open a channel, Tuvok, same parameters,” Kathryn ordered. When Tuvok nodded, she began speaking, her authority echoing in every word.

“Keoni vessel, this is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager._ We were unaware that this is your space. We’re only attempting to cross it to head for our homeworld. We would like to take the opportunity to discuss a possible agreement between our peoples in order to—“

“Captain, they’re charging weapons,” Harry shouted, eyes darting quickly over his screens. “They’re heavily armed and targeting us.”

“Shields up,” Kathryn ordered immediately. “Tom, get us out of here. I don’t think they’re the bargaining sort.”

“Aye, Captain,” Tom said, beginning to enter a new course and heading. But before he could get back to warp, a monumental blast hit the ship, almost throwing Chakotay from his chair.

The bridge was immediately bathed in red as the alerts sounded. Warning lights and signals erupted from every panel.

“Report!” Kathryn yelled, clutching the arms of her chair.

“Shields are down to 68%, Captain,” Tuvok informed her, “and they are charging for another blow.”

“All decks reporting damage,” Harry said. “Several EPS conduits have ruptured.”

“Tom?”

“Navigation was hit,” Tom said, frowning as his hands flew over the controls. “I’m having to recalibrate the sensors. Give me a minute.”

“We might not have a minute,” Harry warned. “They’re coming around again.”

Another blast hit them, feeling stronger than before. A few panels began to blow, and a distinct smell of smoke filled the bridge.

“Shields down to 47%,” Tuvok reported.

“Fire phasers, Tuvok, target their weapons array.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“Direct hit, Captain,” Harry said, “but it’s barely made a dent in their shields.”

“Forget warp, Mr. Paris, take us out of here full impulse, back the way we came,” Kathryn ordered. “Tuvok, prepare a photon torpedo and fire when you’ve got a clear shot. Harry, divert all available power to the shields.”

There were a few tense moments as everyone followed their orders, the glare of the red lights sending a deadly glow around the bridge, sparks still flying from the overloaded units. Chakotay viewed his own panel, heart in his mouth.

“They’re charging again, Captain,” he warned her.

“Evasive manoeuvres, Mr. Paris.”

They swerved the first weapons blast, and the second. Just as Chakotay thought they were going to get clear, the third one hit them hard.

“That last once glanced off us, Captain,” Harry said. “Shields down to 30% but holding. There’s been some further damage to ship’s systems.”

“They’re falling back,” Tom said, “we must be leaving their space.”

“Set a course back to that nebula we passed a couple of hours ago,” Kathryn ordered. “We can hide there while we repair the damage. Send out messages to the Qatauri convoy. They should still be in range. Maybe they can give us more information on these Keoni.”

“Captain, all decks reporting extensive damage,” Harry told her. “Heaviest seems to be on Decks 6, 8 and 2.”

“Deck 2?” Tom had gone rigid in his seat. “Captain, permission to – ”

“Go,” she said quickly. “Ensign, take the conn.”

Tom turned and practically ran from the bridge, almost ploughing into Ensign Rogers as she transferred from her station at the rear of the bridge to the conn. Chakotay turned to Kathryn, seeing that she’d gone incredibly pale. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the armrests of her chair. Her entire body seemed to be frozen, and she barely breathed.

Chakotay wanted to reach out to her, hold her hand, _something._ The mess hall was on Deck 2. He knew why she was so afraid. A part of him was too.

After an unspeakably long time as Harry and Tuvok listed off all the damaged systems, Tom’s voice finally came over the comm.

_“Paris to Janeway. I’ve got her. She’s fine. Neelix took good care of her.”_

“Understood,” she said shortly. She ended the link and breathed out shakily, closing her eyes tightly and covered her face with her hands. She breathed deeply for a moment or two. Her hands were trembling. Eventually, she lowered her hands and fixed a neutral expression on her face. She stood up.

“I want a final report on all ship damage in an hour,” she directed, and moved towards her ready room. “Commander, you have the bridge.”

She was inside before he could say anything. Chakotay waited a moment or two, debating with himself, before he too stood up and walked towards the ready room.

“Tuvok, you have the bridge.” 

He didn’t wait to press the door chime, but just walked straight in, finding Kathryn standing in the middle of the room staring at the wall.

She didn’t look around as the door sounded, and he didn’t say anything. He just walked straight up to her, placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around, drawing her into his arms and holding her tight.

Kathryn stiffened at first, but soon relaxed into his embrace, holding onto him as though afraid he would disappear. Her shoulders shook, and though her face was hidden against his chest, he knew she was desperately attempting not to cry.

He held her a long time, stroking her back gently, head resting on top of hers as she let herself be vulnerable for a moment. He did not judge her. He didn’t ask her anything. He just stood there and let her take what comfort she could from him.

“I was so afraid, Chakotay,” she whispered, clutching at him tightly. “I was just so afraid.”

“I know, I know,” he murmured, rocking her slightly.

Eventually, her shudders eased and she stepped back from him slightly, but still within reach. She lowered her hands from him and wrapped them around herself. Her head was down, still fighting the tears and she avoided looking at him until she’d taken several further deep breaths. When her gaze met his, he was pained to see what fear was in it.

She turned away from him and moved to her couch, sitting down quickly as though she didn’t trust herself to remain standing. He took a seat beside her, letting her know by his presence that he was ready to listen to whatever she had to say.

“You must think so badly of me,” she said, shaking her head and closing her eyes. “What a foolish reaction.”

“Not at all, she’s your daughter, Kathryn,” he said immediately. “You wouldn’t be Human if you weren’t afraid for her.”

“But I shouldn’t let it compromise my ability to act as captain.” She drew a shuddering breath. “I promised myself I wouldn’t allow that.”

“And you didn’t,” he said fiercely, reaching out and grabbing her hand, forcing her to look at him in surprise. “Kathryn, there was nothing about your conduct just now on the bridge which wasn’t captain-like. You acted exactly as you would have before Amelia came on board.”

“Did I?” Tears were swimming behind her eyes. “When else have I let my chief helmsman abandon the conn during an emergency to check on someone else on board?”

“The crisis was over, Kathryn,” he said. “You didn’t let him go during the fight, though I _know_ you both wanted to do nothing more than just run to her. You both did your duty, and Amelia was fine. It all worked out.”

“And what about next time?” Kathryn looked up at him, a new fear on her face. “If we’re really going to be running into hostile species like this, what’s to stop it happening again? Chakotay, I was terrified. I’ve been scared before on the bridge, but before now I’ve always been able to push that fear down. Next time I’m afraid it’ll be even worse.”

“I disagree,” he said, putting his other hand over hers so her hand was sandwiched between his. “This was the first test, Kathryn, and you passed with flying colours. You know what to expect now. Next time you’ll be more prepared.”

“I don’t know, Chakotay—"

“Kathryn,” he said, lifting a hand so that it rested on her face. “Did you worry about Naomi Wildman when we were in battle? No, you did your duty, and you do it now as well as you’ve ever done. _You can do this._ ”

She seemed to hold her breath as she looked at him. He was suddenly aware of just how close they were, that his hand was cupping her cheek, gently stroking the skin with his thumb. She made no move to stop him, to end his new intimacy between him. His heart was racing. It had been a long time since they’d been in this close proximity. He wanted to take her pain away, to ease every care she had.

Slowly, he moved forwards and gently brushed his lips against her forehead, lingering there only for the briefest of seconds before drawing back. Kathryn stared at him, eyelids half closed, lips slightly open. Chakotay would have given anything in that moment to lean in again and kiss her again, but he knew that was not what she needed right now. She needed to know that he was there for her, that he supported her. That she could stay in charge of her own feelings. And she didn’t need him to further complicate matters right now.

So, he stood up and stepped back, making his smile as friendly as he could. “I’ll have those reports to you as soon as I can, Captain.”

She said nothing, but managed a small smile as he turned around and left the ready room. Upon reaching his own seat and beginning to take a look at the initial damage reports, he found that the old pain in his chest was worse than ever, the old longing almost too much to bear. But bear it he would.

Anything for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading! Next chapter will have a larger time jump.


	17. Shore Leave

Tom felt his heart swell with pride as he watched Amelia running happily through the grass of the planet, shrieking with laughter as the purple sparkling insects native to this world rose up in clouds as she approached. B’Elanna watched by his side, reclining on the blanket they had laid down on the grass for their meal. The plates from lunch lay empty, but neither of them were eager to start packing up and heading back to _Voyager._ Shore leave was so rare for them, and they still had an hour left.

Tom chuckled as Amelia fell and scowled fiercely, before she pushed herself to her feet and began to run again, her blonde curls flying out behind her.

“You shouldn’t laugh, Tom,” B’Elanna chided him, though she too was smiling. “Her balance is still pretty bad. Running is hard for her.”

“Considering that four years ago, she had a tail, I’m not surprised,” Tom said. “But The Doc says she should adjust to walking soon.”

He was speaking more to soothe his own worries than B’Elanna’s. The Doctor had been right when he’d warned that Amelia would be delayed in reaching some milestones. She hadn’t started walking until almost twenty months, and she could still not say much more than a handful of words. Despite that, however, she was remarkably intelligent, and understood almost everything that was said to her, even if she could not reply. The educational games Tom had downloaded for her from the ship’s computer proved easy work for her, and she was surprisingly developed in her cognitive abilities.

Tom put his arm around B’Elanna, enjoying the double suns of the Boraan homeworld. It had been a long year crossing this sector; the Keoni had proved a formidable enemy, though they never gave any plausible reason for their hostility and had attacked _Voyager_ at any given opportunity. With the help of the Quatauri, they had managed to plot a route which avoided most of their territory, but there had been a few close shaves in which both Tom and Janeway had feared the worst. He was glad now that they seemed to have passed all that by now. The Boraan had offered their assistance upon encountering _Voyager_ a week ago, happy to exchange some dilithium for some medical aid after a recent civil war of theirs. Tom had been working hard with The Doctor to help them set up their new hospitals and offer some guidance and treatments for their wounded. Now, finally, with _Voyager_ almost ready to depart their world, the crew was getting the chance to enjoy some well-earned rest.

“She’s gonna get herself into trouble,” B’Elanna warned, shaking her head as they saw Amelia running and jumping at a couple of strange looking birds which had flown down to hunt some of the insects Amelia had sent scrambling into the sky. “Just like her father.”

“She’s just having some fun,” Tom dismissed. “She’s an adventurer.”

“Daddy! Daddy!” Amelia came running up to him, something carefully cradled in her little hand. “Look!”

Tom peered into her hand and saw one of the little purple insects. It was startlingly beautiful, a little like the dragonflies of Earth, but a vivid purple colour, with shining iridescent wings and a furry abdomen. Amelia’s eyes were wide and her mouth stretched in a grin.

“Look!” she said again, looking at it more closely.

“Yeah, it’s pretty,” he agreed, smiling up at her. “It’s a fly. Do you see the wings?”

“Wings,” Amelia repeated with a nod, pointing to the wings. “Pretty fly!”

“Why don’t you let it go and watch it fly?” B’Elanna asked.

Amelia considered for a moment before nodding and unclenching her hand, throwing it upwards so that the fly unfurled its sparkling wings and took flight. Amelia watched it in awe for a moment before running after it.

“Likes things that fly? I’m telling you, she’s going to be a pilot,” Tom laughed, tearing his eyes from his daughter.

“Looks more like scientific curiosity to me,” B’Elanna teased. “She’ll be a scientist like Janeway, mark my words.”

He shook his head, giving up on the old argument before it even started. He and Janeway had a playful rivalry going on about whose footsteps Amelia would follow in, one which he admitted he may be losing. Amelia had always had that overly perceptive way at looking at things and a thirst to learn more. One of the few words she knew well was ‘Why?’. But he didn’t care. He wasn’t going to be the kind of father his own was, forcing him down a career path that _he_ wanted. No, he was going to let her choose her own way. With a little gentle guidance, of course.

B’Elanna sighed and looked up at the sky. “ _Voyager_ will be calling us back soon. I have to say, it’s been nice getting some real fresh air and sun, not just holodeck simulations.”

“Same,” he agreed. “I’ve quite enjoyed the domesticity of it. Nice family outing, picnic, relaxation … I could get used to this.”

He held her close, relishing in the closeness of her. At times like this he couldn’t believe how lucky he was. A beautiful daughter, an incredible girlfriend … it was more than he deserved.

B’Elanna suddenly seemed nervous and bit her bottom lip. “Do you … I don’t know, do you ever feel like you want more?”

“More?” he asked, frowning.

“Like … do you ever see us getting married one day?” She was speaking quickly, a slight flush to her cheeks. “Having children of our own? I mean, you know how much I _adore_ Amelia. It just makes me wonder sometimes; what would _our_ children look like?”

She was avoiding his eyes, probably embarrassed at letting down her defences like this, but Tom was grinning. He brought her face around to his own and pressed his lips to hers, still amazed after all this time how that simple action always gave him butterflies.

“Of course I think about those things,” he said, once he’d pulled back. He held her face in his hands. “I don’t see a future without you in it, B’Elanna. I’d love for us to have more kids some day.”

B’Elannas eyes lit up and she kissed him again and for a moment Tom’s mind went blank as he held her. _This really never does get old._

A piercing scream made them draw back immediately. That was not the sound of a child screaming in delight, but one screaming in pain.

“Amelia?” Tom cried, jumping to his feet. “Amelia!”

Amelia just continued to scream, and Tom’s body went cold. He ran towards where he’d last seen her, heart pounding in his chest.

He found her lying on the ground, rolling around in agony, face screwed up as she screamed and screamed.

Tom’s limbs were weak as he stared at her in horror, but somehow he managed to fumble for the tricorder at his belt, cursing himself for not bringing his medical one with him. He scanned her quickly, ignoring his own rising panic. What he saw filled him with terror.

“Tom!” B’Elanna cried when she caught up with him, seeing that he had frozen.

“Right,” he said feebly, scanning her again, his heart sinking. “She – she’s got some sort of a virus. It’s attacking her whole body. I don’t know how it’s happening so fast – ”

He fell back in dismay when he saw that Amelia’s whole body had gone stiff and her limbs were jerking around, entire body convulsing.

“She’s seizing,” he yelled, his sense of panic increasing. He slapped his comm badge. “Paris to _Voyager._ Emergency medical transport to sickbay. Now!”

The few seconds it took for his message to be transmitted and the transporter beam to reach them seemed interminable to Tom. This couldn’t be happening, not now when everything was so perfect. _He couldn’t lose her_.


	18. Some Answers

“Most landing parties are back on board, Captain,” Harry informed her, glancing over his monitors. “Twenty crew still on the planet.”

“Thank you, Ensign,” Kathryn said, sipping her coffee. She glanced at Chakotay. “I have to say, I’ll be quite glad to leave the Boraan behind.”

“I am intrigued, Captain,” Tuvok asked. “Why are you eager to leave? The Boraan have been most hospitable.”

“There’s an old Earth expression, Mr. Tuvok,” Kathryn replied, glancing over her shoulder. “And it’s ‘heebie-jeebies’. And they give me a hell of a lot of them.”

“I know what you mean,” Chakotay said. “They’re a bit too cold for my liking. And they were very tight-lipped on what that civil war of theirs was about, or what happened to the losers.”

“Exactly,” Kathryn said, leaning back in her chair as she watched the view of the Boraan homeworld from orbit. “I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I don’t like them. They were a bit too insistent that we give them weapons technology, even though they claim the war is over. I’m just glad they were happy to settle for medical assistance in the end.”

“Did you see some of those injuries?” Harry asked, shaking his head. “I helped The Doctor with some of the equipment he set up down on the planet. I don’t know what kind of weapons they could have used to do damage like that.”

“Fortunately, we can just put this all behind us and get the hell out of this region of space,” Kathryn said. “This has been a year I’d like to forget.”

Chakotay winked at her. “The whole year?”

She turned her head, and lowered her voice. “Well, not all of it.”

His returning smile was enough to make her heart flutter. Over the past year, Kathryn had come to feel that their old intimacy had returned in full force, and then some. They met regularly, had meals together, even went on outings on the holodeck with Amelia. They spent so much time together it was almost like they were a couple.

_Almost,_ she thought regretfully. Since the time he’d comforted her after the initial Keoni attack, he’d avoided all forms of physical intimacy, excepting the occasional hand on the shoulder or arm. She knew why he did it, and she accepted it, if somewhat grudgingly. But as the year had gone on, she’d wondered more and more whether or not she should just bite the bullet had take that final step.

Something always held her back though. As open as he was with her, and as wonderful as he was with Amelia, there was a lingering sadness in his eyes when he looked at her sometimes, and again when he turned to Kathryn. He never spoke about it, but she sensed there was something that still bothered him.

“Final landing parties starting to transport aboard, Captain,” Harry said. “Hang on, there’s been an emergency transport to sickbay.”

Just as Kathryn was about to open her mouth to ask more, Tom’s frantic voice sounded over the comm.

_“Paris to Janeway!”_

Kathryn’s heart grew cold. “Go ahead, Tom.”

“ _You need to get down to sickbay, now. There’s something wrong with Amelia.”_

Time seemed to stop, and Kathryn froze in her chair. No, he had to be wrong. Amelia was fine.

“She’s on her way,” Chakotay answered him and ended the link. He reached out to touch Kathryn on the shoulder. “Go, Kathryn.”

Kathryn rose to her feet slowly. She should be running, she knew she should. But she could barely force herself to move.

Somehow, _somehow_ , she forced herself to walk to the turbolift and stepped inside.

“Sickbay,” she said softly, voice barely more than a whisper. The turbolift jerked to life and began rushing her down into the depths of the ship, fast, but not fast enough.

The doors opened and Kathryn finally seemed to break through her fog. She all but ran the final few metres to sickbay, and when the doors slid open she launched herself inside. Guts clenching uncontrollably, she approached Tom and B’Elanna, whom she saw standing a little way inside.

Tom turned when he heard her enter. His face was paler than she had ever seen it.

“Captain!” He came towards her, eyes wide. “I— I don’t know what happened. She was fine one minute and the next …”

Kathryn looked past him and saw The Doctor standing over the main biobed, a tiny form lying beneath him, writhing in pain. Amelia’s eyes were closed, but tears were leaking from them.

Amelia never cried.

“We were on a picnic,” Tom was still trying to explain, his voice shaking. “She was running around chasing bugs—she seemed fine! She wasn’t … this all came on so fast! I don’t—”

Kathryn held up one hand, tearing her eyes away from her daughter. “Tom, calm down. Tell me the facts.”

He was a mess. B’Elanna stood silently behind him, hands over her mouth as she looked towards Amelia.

“Nothing happened to her from what we could see,” Tom said after a moment. “But my scans showed she was being attacked by a virus of some kind. I got her up here as quick as I could. I don’t know how she contracted it. I swear I did all the scans before I took her down there.”

“I know you did,” Kathryn said, before turning away from him to look back at The Doctor. Tom wasn’t a careless parent. Whatever was happening to her now was something serious. Far more serious than he could have picked up on his own.

The three of them waited as The Doctor tended to Amelia, none of them able to do more than watch as he bustled around, filling hyposprays and scanning her again and again. His brow furrowed more than once, and Kathryn remembered unpleasantly just how many times she’d seen that same expression.

Amelia seemed to improve after a while; at least, she stopped thrashing around and seemed to sleep. The Doctor finally put away his tricorder and came towards the waiting parents. The expression on his face did not look good.

“Mr. Paris was correct in his original assertions,” he began softly. “An alien virus has indeed taken hold of her body, attacking it at the molecular level.”

“But what sort of virus?” Kathryn asked. “We scanned the planet multiple times for any indications of harmful microbes or other dangers before we granted shore leave.”

That’s what she had ordered. But had she missed something? Had she been too premature in authorising the landing parties?

“I’ve examined some of those scans,” The Doctor said heavily. He moved to a monitor and brought up one of them. “It shows a substantial level of harmful compounds in the planet’s atmosphere. Initial analysis showed that the level of harmful substances was tolerable to most humanoid lifeforms. But with Amelia’s history of difficulties with her immune system …”

Kathryn could remember easily. She caught every virus going on the ship, most only confining her to bed for a day or two. It’d never been truly harmful before now.

“But Doc, you said it was a virus,” B’Elanna said. “How can these compounds cause a virus?”

The Doctor’s expression darkened. “From what I can see, it looks comparable to the destruction wrought by the Rakarians in the twenty-third century when they tested a mutagenic retrovirus on one of their disputed planets.”

“You mean the Boraans have been using biogenic weapons?” Kathryn thought back to the standoffish Boraanian she’d spoken to on the bridge; the one who’d refused to give them more details on their war. She could never have expected something like this.

“Unfortunately, yes,” The Doctor replied. “Most of the weapon has now dispersed in the atmosphere making it safe for most people—"

“—but Amelia was vulnerable to it,” Tom said, taking shallow breaths. “My God, what did I do?”

Kathryn wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, but her words stuck in her throat. Speaking was difficult now.

“I have stabilised her for now,” The Doctor said, glancing back at the still form on the biobed. “But I’m afraid I cannot say how long it’ll last. I’ve isolated her in a forcefield, but we need to find a treatment for her as soon as we can. I’m afraid I don’t know enough to create a treatment myself. By the time I figure one out, she …”

His words hung in the air.

Kathryn moved forwards to look at Amelia through the forcefield. She was sleeping uneasily, her mouth hanging open, a small crease on her forehead. The monitors beeped around her like a cold heartbeat. Her little body didn’t even take up half of the biobed.

“The Boraanians are responsible for this,” Kathryn said, a new rage filling her. “They must have a cure.” She turned to look at the others in the room. “And I’m sure as hell not going to leave orbit until they hand it over.”

None of them argued with her. Kathryn marched right past them on the way to the bridge.

The Boraarnians would answer for this. She’d make sure of it.


	19. The Hardest Test

When Kathryn marched onto the bridge it was both as an indignant captain, and an angry mother. Taking her usual position, she fixed her eyes on the screen, barely noticing Tom and B’Elanna following her.

“Tuvok, hail the main government building,” she ordered, “and get me President Hopti.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“Kathryn, what’s going on?” Chakotay had come up behind her, but she ignored him. She had too much else to think of right now.

The President appeared on the screen a moment later. He raised his eyebrows languidly at seeing her.

“Captain Janeway, to what do I owe—"

“This isn’t a social call, President,” she said, cutting him off. “I require your assistance urgently. A child visiting your world has been adversely affected by the remnants of biogenic weapons in your atmosphere. She could be dying. Judging by the relative health of your people you’ve somehow managed to protect yourselves from it. I want that cure.”

The President had not expected this. He regarded her for a moment, before tapping on some panels on his desk.

“The recent war was devastating to the Boraan people,” he said, voice dripping with sentiment. “Those weapons were deployed by the Reoch Consortium on the southern continent in their recent attempts to secede from our presidency.”

“I’m not interested in a history lesson, President,” Kathryn said, giving him her best scowl. “All I’m interested in right now is that cure.”

He was toying with her, she soon realised. He continued tapping panels on his own computer, as though he was barely noticing her presence. When he did finally look at her, his expression did not give hope.

“The cure is available in our main medical facility,” he said, and Kathryn was certain he was talking so slowly just to irritate her. “But I’m afraid it is very … expensive for us to produce.”

“We are willing to trade for it,” Kathryn stated quickly. “We can provide more of the medical assistance we’ve already given, exchange some supplies—"

“Thank you, Captain, but we have all the medical equipment we require at present,” the President said. “It will have to be something else.”

“Name it,” Chakotay said, standing by her side. “We have a great deal to offer.”

“You do, indeed.” The President’s mouth slowly curled into a smile. “Hand the child over to us, and we can cure her at our main medical facility. Then we can discuss payment.”

“Not a chance,” Kathryn said. “Tell us what you want now and we can discuss it. She’s not leaving _Voyager._ You can send the treatment up here to us.”

The President made a show of giving a heavy sigh. He shook his head slowly. “Unfortunately, that is not acceptable to us.”

The President’s image cut out, and just as Kathryn was about to give the order to re-establish the link, she was distracted by a shout from Harry.

“Captain, there’s a ship approaching from the planet on an intercept course. They’re charging weapons.”

“Raise shields,” she called, heading over to her seat. “Evasive manoeuvres.”

“Captain, they’re firing!”

The rock to the ship was more powerful than she had expected, and Kathryn had to hold on tight to not go flying across the bridge.

“Shields at 45%, Captain,” Tuvok shouted over the sound of the red alert warnings. “We cannot take another hit.”

All that from one shot? Kathryn suddenly began to realise how this side had won their civil war.

“They’re targeting the shields over sickbay, Captain,” Harry said, head darting from left to right as he read his screens. “They’ve created a window in the forcefield.”

_Amelia._

“Divert all excess power to the shields over sickbay, maybe we can—"

An alert sounded at Harry’s station, and she didn’t have to hear his next words to know what had happened.

“They’ve beamed her away, Captain.”

Kathryn heard the words but could not comprehend them. All the captain in her seemed to drain away, a vast emptiness opening before her. Every raw maternal instinct in her body went on red alert.

“The ship is retreating, and the President is hailing again,” Tuvok informed her.

“On screen.” Kathryn heard herself give the order as if from a great distance. She turned back to the viewscreen. The President was now openly grinning.

“Give us back my daughter, you son of a bitch!” Tom had launched himself forwards to glare at the President. “Now, or I swear—"

“What? You’ll attack?” The President laughed again. “I hardly think you’ll risk that with her health so precarious. The virus the Reochs used was so intricate it took us almost forty years to discover a cure. Your daughter’s only hope of survival is to remain with us.”

“Why did you take her?” Kathryn asked. She maintained her captain’s mask with difficulty. “What is it that you want?”

“The technology you refused to trade with us,” the President said, clasping his hands neatly before him. “Replicators, primarily.”

“You already have those,” Chakotay said. Kathryn saw how his shoulders had tensed. “We saw them ourselves.”

“Our replicators are only able to generate organic matter,” the President dismissed. “Food, not much else. What we’re interested in is replicating weapons. The Reochs have been rumbling again down south. As you saw, our weapons are extremely powerful, but they take a long time to manufacture and our supplies are greatly diminished thanks to the war. If we had the ability to replicate some of _your_ weapons, that would be most beneficial in wiping out the people of the southern continent once and for all.”

_Weapons, replicators_. Two things the Prime Directive explicitly forbade her from trading. _Internal conflict._ She’d never be allowed to interfere in something as tenuous as this planet’s political structure.

Starfleet was no help to her.

The President seemed to realise he had them over a barrel. His smile slowly widened.

“I will give you twenty-four hours to discuss it with your crew, Captain. We know you will make the right decision.”

The image blinked out. Kathryn felt all her hopes go with it. This … she couldn’t. It was impossible.

Everyone was staring at her. They needed her to take control. But she didn’t know how.

“How many people living on the southern continent, Mr. Tuvok?”

A pause. “Approximately 4.5. million, Captain.”

Kathryn clasped her hands before her, almost as if she was going to pray. She hadn’t prayed since she was a child. She was far too scientific for that. But all her science, her regulations and protocols … they couldn’t help her now.

Kathryn slowly stood up and walked backwards and forwards across the bridge twice, drawing the stares of everyone there. She felt as if she was watching all of this from far away.

She’d do anything for her child. She loved her more than anything. But _this_ , this was a betrayal of everything she stood for. _This_ would mean sacrificing millions of others.

“Captain?” Tom’s voice managed to get through to her. His face was white. “What are you going to do?”

_Good question, Tom._

She needed to take command again. She couldn’t let herself be helpless. _Think, Kathryn._

“We … we need to discuss this,” she said. “What they’re asking for is impossible. This issue—"

“I don’t see an issue,” Tom said immediately. “Give them what they want!”

“Lieutenant, this is clearly a violation of the Prime—"

“I don’t give a damn, Tuvok!” Tom rounded on the Vulcan, eyes blazing. “This is my daughter.”

“And you see no issue with handing over lethal technology to people who intend to use it for ill purposes?”

“Doesn’t matter to me what they do with after we hand it over,” Tom maintained, running a hand through his hair so that it stood on end. “It’s nothing to do with us.”

“Tom it has _everything_ to do with us.” Kathryn tried to talk to him. Didn’t he see the problem? Didn’t he feel the same heart-wrenching pain as she did? “Don’t you see? How can you justify killing millions for one life, just because of who she is? It’s everything the Prime Directive was designed for—"

“To hell with Starfleet!” Tom’s face was growing redder by the second. “This is our _daughter_ , we’re talking about! Or am I the only one seeing this?”

No, he most certainly wasn’t. Amelia’s face filled Kathryn’s mind. She had to take a deep breath before she could continue.

“And how do you explain to her, years from now, Tom, that we aided the genocide of millions in order to keep her alive?”

“At least she’ll be alive!”

“I can’t accept that,” Kathryn said, voice lowering to a whisper. “And I certainly can’t justify it as captain.”

“I’m not speaking to you as her captain, but as her _mother_!” Tom’s anger spilled over and he actually stepped forwards to grab her by the shoulders.

“You’re out of line, Lieutenant!” Chakotay had immediately leapt between the two, pushing Tom away as he attempted to grab her. “Back off.”

Kathryn felt her breathing grow more difficult by the second. Had she always had this burning sensation in her throat?

“This is not who we are,” she managed to say with her voice almost breaking. “We don’t sacrifice others for our own needs. No matter the cost.”

“And who are you to decide that?” Tom was still shouting at her from the other side of Chakotay. “Why do you get to make this decision because you’re captain? She’s _our_ daughter, not _yours.”_

Kathryn knew that. This was breaking her heart just as much as it was his. She looked at him, seeing tears spilling from his eyes. Harry had now abandoned his post to try and hold him back, his own expression tight. Chakotay moved back slightly and Kathryn saw just how defeated Tom looked, how Harry was barely keeping him from collapsing where he stood. To see him was to see her own pain reflected back at her.

_No, Kathryn. You’ve never cried on the bridge before. You’re not going to start now._

“When we agreed to do this, Tom,” she said, taking a step closer to him, ignoring Chakotay’s arm reaching out protectively. “We agreed we wouldn’t allow our ranks and duties on this ship to affect how we behaved with regards to our daughter. You said you trusted me not to do that. Do you remember what else you said then? When I asked what we would do if we ever disagreed on something?”

Tom looked at her, the wildness in his eyes faded somewhat to be replaced with despondency. He seemed to deflate and leaned heavily on Harry as his tears continued. He looked younger, more hopeless than she’d seen him before. Like a lost child.

Like she imagined Amelia might be feeling right now.

“I said …” he began thickly. “I said we’d find a solution, find another way.”

“And that’s exactly what I intend to do.” She said, her voice growing stronger. “You also said then that I don’t back down from challenges, that I don’t give up when hope is lost. Well, you were right, Tom. I’m sure as _hell not_ going to give up now.”

Leaving him standing there clinging to Harry, she turned to Tuvok, the only one still at his station. “Let the Boraanians think we’re considering their offer. In the meantime, I want every single sensor array on this ship scanning that medical facility and searching for weak points. That’s where they’ve taken her. We need to put our heads together on this one, people.”

Kathryn turned and walked back to the captain’s chair, opening up her armrest panel and forcing her mind to focus.

Chakotay sat beside her, and she appreciated his presence. But she could not look at him.

Was this the time he’d spoken of? When he’d said he knew she’d make the right decision, that she wouldn’t allow her personal feelings to get in the way of being captain?

Her training back at Starfleet Academy rang in her ears. _Starfleet officers are sworn to uphold the Prime Directive at all costs, even their own life or that of their crew._ She’d never expected to be tested on it in this way.

_I’m sorry, Amelia_ , she thought holding back her tears. _But Mommy will find another way._ _I promise._


	20. Pep Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter here. I'll upload a longer one later today!

Tom paced his quarters. Again and again. He’d already thrown a few things. He wasn’t sure what. But his anger was useless and he knew it.

The door to Amelia’s room was in front of him. A couple of her toys were scattered on the floor. The model _Voyager_ he’d been building for her to play with lay unfinished in a corner. Everywhere was her. Everywhere was a painful memory.

Tom turned and left his quarters feeling like he was about to be sick. He walked down the corridors outside. Left, right. Another right. He had no idea where he was going. Amelia wasn’t anywhere on board. It didn’t matter where he ended up.

In one empty corridor he finally ran out of steam. His legs gave way beneath him and he huddled against a bulkhead, unable to move any further. He was no longer crying, he seemed unable to now. Everything was just so empty now.

All he had left was his pain. His pain and his anger.

Stop footsteps met his ears. He did not look up, but instead continued staring straight ahead. Someone crouched down beside him and took his hand, squeezing it gently. It took a long time before Tom was able to recognise who it was, and even longer before he could turn to look at her.

“She’s gone, B’Elanna,” he said, looking up at her, desperately wanting her to tell him he was wrong, that he’d been mistaken.

“We’ll get her back, Tom,” B’Elanna said. Her face did not show any despair or uncertainty. It was confident. But how could that be? Tom knew there was little chance.

“How?” He clenched his jaw. “The captain, she won’t even _consider—"_

He stopped, too angry to go on. He slapped one hand against the floor, almost welcoming the stinging sensation on his palm. B’Elanna made no move to stop him.

“I admit, I haven’t always agreed with Janeway’s decisions,” B’Elanna said, coming to sit in front of him. “But in this, I think she’s right.”

Tom stared at her in horror. “You think—"

“Yes, and so do you, deep down,” B’Elanna urged, eyes fixed on his. “Giving in might be your first instinct, but could you really live with it? Would you ever be able to look at her again, knowing that you let millions die for her sake? What kind of burden is that to put on her as she grows up?”

Tom tried to look away, hating the creeping doubts entering his heart. _The Prime Directive._ He knew how important it was; no one could have graduated Starfleet Academy without learning how dangerous it was to violate. He believed in it. He always had, hadn’t he? But it had never seemed so hard to follow before now.

“I don’t think I could’ve lived with it if we’d abandoned the Ocampa to get back to the Alpha quadrant,” he admitted reluctantly. “If we’d let them die at the hands of the Kazon for our sakes. I guess this is like that, but ten times worse. A million times worse. This … this is my _child.”_

His breath came in short, sharp gasps. “I can’t lose her, B’Elanna,” he said. “This was my fault. I took her to that planet. I’m a damn field medic, I should have known to check and double check her immune system could handle it. I mean, we’ve had tons of practice by now!”

“Don’t be an idiot, Tom.” B’Elanna’s voice was harsh. “Blaming yourself is pointless. Those bastards took her and are holding her hostage. They’re the ones to blame. What you did was an accident. You couldn’t have known.”

_An accident._ He’d heard that before. He’d given that excuse before. It had never helped him.

“Tom, this isn’t like you.” B’Elanna reached out to place her hands on his face, her eyes swimming. “You don’t give up like this. You don’t react like this. Chakotay actually had to stop you from grabbing the captain!”

Tom closed his eyes. Had he done that? It all seemed so hazy now. Nothing seemed real.

“She was acting like … like …”

“Like what?” B’Elanna demanded, raising an eyebrow. “Like a captain? What else could she do? And you saw it too, I know you did. You saw how much pain she was in. The two of you can’t be at odds over this. You have to work together.”

“I know!” A sob escaped his throat. “I know what I have to do. But I’m scared, B’Elanna. She’s the _best_ thing that’s ever happened to me, my greatest accomplishment, the one thing I never screwed up. Till now. If I lose her, I lose the best part of myself.”

He hung his head, pressing his palms to his forehead. “I’ve always messed everything up. That incident on Caldik Prime was my fault, and three people died. That was an accident too. But it sure as hell never made me feel any better about it.”

“The difference is, Tom, that you _can_ do something about this,” B’Elanna said, rubbing his arms. “You were cast out of Starfleet and made to feel like you could never accomplish anything again, but Janeway gave you a chance to prove yourself, and you became one of the best officers on this ship. You felt overwhelmed at the thought of being a parent, but Janeway gave you a chance and you’ve become an excellent father. You’re in pain right now, but Janeway is giving us all a chance to get her back and you’ve got to _take it_. Just like you’ve always done. Cause I know you’re not gonna let your own self-loathing ruin your chance to save your daughter. That’s not who you are.”

Tom breathed heavily for a few moments, B’Elanna’s words slowly sinking their way through his confused mass of thoughts. He wanted to believe them. _God_ , he wanted to. His father had always said he ruined any opportunity he was given. He’d proven him right on several occasions. But sometimes, just sometimes, he had been able to prove him wrong. Could this be one of those times?

Tom slowly raised his head and looked at B’Elanna. The Klingon in her stood out; her eyes burned with determination, her expression as hard as stone. She was a warrior. She was going to fight for his child.

And so was he.

Slowly, Tom pushed himself to his feet. B’Elanna followed him.

“We’re gonna find a way,” he said. “We’re going to get her back.”

“Yes, we are.” B’Elanna lifted her chin. “And those bastards on the surface are gonna regret the day they ever heard the name _Voyager.”_

Tom nodded, never loving her more than he did at that moment.

“Then let’s go to the others. We’re gonna need a plan.”


	21. The Plan

“You’ve found a way in?” Kathryn repeated. Her voice sound almost hesitant. “You’re certain?”

“Positive,” Seven said, moving to the briefing room monitors and tapping a button, bringing up the detailed scans of the medical facility. “It is apparent their shielding technology is not as advanced as their weaponry, possibly a reason for such high casualties in their war.”

“Typical,” B’Elanna said, rolling her eyes. “Making bigger and more dangerous weapons is easy, but no one ever thinks to stop and figure out how to defend yourself.”

Seven ignored her and continued on with her briefing. “They use a primitive form of metaphasic shielding. Its energy pattern fluctuates periodically. I believe we may be able to take advantage of this.”

“Of course!” Harry said, snapping his fingers. “Like we did with the Mokra in our first year in the Delta quadrant.”

“Precisely, Ensign,” Seven said. Chakotay tried to recall the details of that incident as Seven brought up some simulations she had programmed into the computer. “According to my calculations, we should be able to penetrate their shields with a transporter beam at intervals of approximately ten minutes to take advantage of these fluctuation windows.”

“But we’ll simply face the same problem we did then,” Chakotay said with a frown. “They’ll detect us breaking through their shields and surround us instantly.”

“Not if we follow Ensign Kim’s original idea,” Seven said. “We can modify the ship’s deflector to emit radion bursts at the shields which will disguise our transporter beam. They will not know where we have transported to.”

It seemed reasonable, but Chakotay had his doubts. He snatched a glance at the captain. Kathryn was looking at Seven’s screens with a look of fierce concentration. She looked exhausted, and she was paler than normal. But her eyes were as focused as ever.

“It’ll give us a head start, but what then?” Tom asked. He too looked worse for wear, but Chakotay was relieved at least that he was no longer shouting at Kathryn, and had accepted the situation with the same gritty determination that she had. “How will we find her? That medical facility is huge.”

“I believe I have the answer to that.” The Doctor stood and pointed at the monitor. “I spent a great deal of time at this facility. Large sections were out of operation and others painfully primitive. I believe she will be kept in one of _these_ sections here, the most utilised.”

“And therefore the busiest and most defended,” Kathryn said. Her hands were clasped tightly in front of her. “They’ll be expecting something like this. They could have her under armed guard. We could walk into a massacre and place her into even greater danger.”

“That is why I suggest sending multiple away teams,” Seven said. “Some to hold off resistance, and one to extract the child.”

“Why don’t we just beam her out?” Neelix was frowning. “If we can beam _in,_ then surely—"

“Unfortunately, that isn’t an option,” The Doctor said sombrely. “If we beam her out, she will still be sick. In addition to rescuing her, we shall also have to access their databanks to locate information on the treatment for the disease. I’m afraid she wouldn’t last long on _Voyager_ without it.”

The warning lay heavily on them. Chakotay fought his own rising sense of panic. He needed to keep a clear head here.

“It still seems dangerous to me,” Harry said. “We’d be running around down there trying to find her, no idea how much resistance we’d be up against, no idea where she was. Our sensors aren’t able to get a clear reading beyond their shields. We can’t even be certain she’s there.”

“It’s the only chance we’ve got,” Kathryn said. Her voice rang with a sense of finality. Chakotay looked at her and was heartened to see the strong woman he had come to admire and love surveying her ready room with an almost regal air. “This is risky, no doubt. And there’s no guarantee of success. I don’t want to order any of you to undertake this mission. Nothing will be said if you wish to remain on _Voyager.”_

“Captain,” Harry said, looking at the others and then between Kathryn and Tom, “I think I speak for everyone in this ready room and on this entire ship when I say that we’re all prepared to take that risk. Amelia is part of our crew. And you’ve always taught us that you don’t abandon a member of the crew.”

His words were met with nods from all around the table. Kathryn swallowed and looked across the table to Tom, who also appeared lost for words. The two parents exchanged a glance. Chakotay could have cried himself at the look of pain he saw in their eyes.

It was pain he felt too, though he knew his was nothing to theirs. In such a short time, Amelia had become a huge part of his life. He loved her and knew he would do anything for her. Just like he would for her mother. Amelia, the child he had once abandoned, who he had been afraid to meet, who now meant more to him than almost anything else did. He would do all he could to get her back.

“I’ll lead the primary extraction team,” Chakotay said, making Kathryn turn her head to look at him. He met her gaze, willing her to know just how committed he was. “Me, Tom, B’Elanna and The Doctor.”

Kathryn nodded after flashing him the tiniest of smiles. “Very well. Mr. Tuvok, I want you to coordinate the other teams. Five in total I think, enough to spread out over the facility and draw their attention.”

“You’re not going, Captain?” Neelix asked.

A flash of something came into Kathryn’s eye for a moment before she shook her head. “I get the feeling that President Hopti won’t be pleased when he finds out what’s going on,” she reasoned. “He’ll order an attack on _Voyager_ , and if it’s anything like last time, we’re going to be in for a tough ride. I’ll stay on board to manage our defence.”

Everyone there could see what it had cost her to make that decision. None would have blamed her for demanding to be at the forefront of the away team. But the captain took precedence over the mother where the safety of her crew was concerned. She had always relinquished control to her away teams, nothing was changing in that regard. But in these circumstances, he knew how difficult this was for her.

More than ever he found himself admiring her sheer strength of will, her selflessness.

“Make your preparations,” she ordered. “We only have 10 hours left before their deadline. I want everyone armed and readied to transport in one hour. Ensign Kim, you and Seven are staying on board with me. I want you both to continue working to clear up the scans of the facility, try and narrow down the search area. Our time window is narrow, and I want us prepared for it.”

She looked one last time around the room. “We are going to get her back. I trust each and every one of you.”

They were dismissed, and the crew immediately stood and rushed to their various tasks. Chakotay lingered one long moment before leaving, turning to look back at Kathryn, who was staring out the windows down at the planet.

She had placed her trust in him to return her child to her. And Chakotay swore to himself that he would do it.

For Amelia’s sake, and for Kathryn’s.


	22. Infiltration

It had taken almost no time at all for Tom and the away teams to assemble in transporter room 2, everyone armed with phasers and a grim expression. His advance team, led by Chakotay, were standing next to the pads, about to depart, while Tuvok’s multiple security teams were standing by, awaiting their turn, both here and in the other transporter room.

Tom could not recall another away mission which had left him feeling like this. His entire body was on edge, the adrenaline rushing through him more powerfully than it had ever done before. He could snap at any moment. The memory of Amelia’s face sustained him. He needed to find her and end her pain.

All they awaited was the call from the bridge to say that the window in the shield had opened. Then they’d have ten minutes to both find Amelia, find the cure, and get the hell out of there. If they missed that window, they’d have to wait another ten minutes for the next one. Chakotay had major doubts they’d be able to hold off the Boraanians if that happened, and so did Tom.

The doors to the transporter room opened once more, and the last of their team arrived, accompanied by Janeway. Tom met her eyes and felt his heart grow even heavier as he saw the strong façade she had erected. She had not fallen to pieces when Amelia was taken. _She_ hadn’t almost broken down with despair. He’d almost failed both as a father and as a Starfleet officer. Something he was now about to rectify.

Janeway came right to him, and he found it hard to look at her, remembering their last heated encounter on the bridge.

“You’ve got your coordinates in your tricorder?” she asked. “Harry sent them to you?”

“Yeah,” he said, tapping it at his belt. “He’s narrowed it down, but we’ve still got a lot of ground to cover. We’ll need to be quick.”

She nodded. “I have every faith in you.”

Tom rubbed the back of his neck. Faith. Something people had avoided giving him for a long time. Until he’d come on board that is. Until Janeway herself had reminded him of what he was capable of.

“I’m sorry, Captain,” he said, forcing himself to look at her. “For what I said on the bridge. I—I wasn’t myself.”

Janeway gave him a sad smile. “I know that, Tom. There’s no need to apologise.”

“No, there is.” He took a steadying breath. “I shouldn’t have given up like that. I let myself get carried away. It’s just the thought of losing her—"

He stopped quickly before he gave into that darkness again. Janeway seemed similarly affected. He saw her give a longing glance at the transporter pad. She wanted to be with them.

“Do you …” He paused, not sure if he would upset her further. “Do you ever think about … about the other two?”

The clenching of her jaw told him exactly what he needed to know.

“Yes, Tom,” she said softly. “Sometimes I do. It’s hard to grieve for children that you don’t remember, but somehow I do, if that makes sense.”

He understood perfectly. Thoughts of ‘what ifs’ had tormented him long into the night before now.

“ _Bridge to transporter rooms. Prepare for beam out. Window opening in thirty seconds.”_

Harry’s voice jerked him back to the present, and his body tensed. Janeway nodded to him.

“Go, Lieutenant. And don’t dare come back without our daughter, you hear?”

Tom turned to take his place on the transporter pad. But before he did, he looked back at Janeway and saw the brief flash of fear in her eyes. Hesitating only for another second, he quickly pulled her into an embrace. She was startled, but returned the gesture, Tom detecting the slightest shaking of her shoulders. Neither of them had ever initiated such an intimacy before. He’d surprised even himself. He pulled back.

“I promise I’ll bring her back,” he said, still with his hands on her arms. “I swear, Captain, neither of us will need to grieve another child.”

Janeway said nothing, but her bottom lip trembled for the briefest of instants before she disguised it. Neither of them needed to say anything more.

“ _Window opening in ten seconds.”_

Tom jumped up onto the transporter pad to stand beside Chakotay. The commander had watched the entire exchange, mouth set in a hard line.

“Energising,” said the transporter operator, and Tom watched as the transporter room of _Voyager_ faded from his vision. Next thing he was aware, he was staring at the concrete walls of the Boraanian medical facility. He withdrew his tricorder and phaser immediately.

“Detecting a Human lifesign along this corridor,” B’Elanna said, looking at her readings. “Also at least ten Boraanians coming this way.”

“They’ve detected us already,” Chakotay said, glancing up at the ceiling where a red light was flashing. “Tom, B’Elanna, hold them off here. The Doctor and I will press on ahead.”

Tom hid his momentary annoyance at being assigned the rear guard and took up a position with B’Elanna behind a large generator which was situated on the left of the corridor. Behind him, Chakotay and The Doctor were already hurrying away into the warren of dark corridors which constituted this medical facility.

As they waited, Tom noticed just how unlike a hospital this place was. Though he knew it was on the surface, it appeared entirely subterranean, with no windows to speak of, most unlike the airy Starfleet facilities he had been used to on Earth. Soon, the heavy thumping of military boots reached his ears.

B’Elanna was the first to engage. Moving out from her sheltered position behind the generator she aimed her phaser at the first of the Boraanians. The man gave a cry and fell to the ground. Tom joined her, but the Boraanians had rallied and had taken up their own defensive positions behind crates of medical equipment piled in the corridor and sending back their own volley of fire.

Tom ducked shots, fired some of his own, all the while with one eye on his tricorder, observing his enemy’s positions, but more importantly, Chakotay and The Doctor’s progress down the corridor.

“B’Elanna!” he cried. “They’re being cut off. We need to get to them.”

“We’ve got a problem of our own here, Tom!” B’Elanna ducked another blast from the Boraanians. The blast was so powerful it created a huge whole in the wall behind them. They certainly weren’t aiming to stun, like they were.

Tom fought the boiling anger rising within him. He’d been in firefights before, lots of them. Not once, until now, had he ever wished he could set his phaser to kill.

Another blast from the Boraanians went awry as Tom incapacitated him at the moment of firing, leaving the shot to hit the ceiling instead. Huge chunks of concrete and metal piping rained down on them and their attackers. Tom covered his head with his arm and tried to cover B’Elanna with the other one. They coughed and spluttered in the cloud of debris. Fortunately, it seemed their opponents were similarly affected.

Tom looked up at the ceiling, seeing that a huge chunk of it had torn away, and another was hanging precariously, the only thing supporting it being a rather fragile looking metal pipe. The last section was directly above the Boraanians. Tom had a flash of inspiration.

He switched his phaser to the highest setting, and risking everything, leapt out from his hiding place to fire his phaser at the metal pipe, hoping the Boraanians were still too disorientated by the collapse to fire on him.

The pipe glowed red hot and then white, and for one dreadful moment Tom thought it would do nothing else. But the phaser was too powerful. With a few more seconds of the beam, he sliced right through the pipe, which then buckled and groaned.

With an almighty crash, the rest of the ceiling began to cave in, massive chunks of debris falling from above.

Tom grabbed B’Elanna, who was beginning to cough again at the new onslaught and ran with her, forcing them through the murky cloud of dust to clearer air further down the corridor. Tom chanced a glance back. The debris had entirely blocked off the corridor, the Boraanians either buried under it or trapped on the other side.

Good, now only these other ones to worry about.

He and B’Elanna sprinted down the corridor, and from ahead of them, they could already hear the familiar sound of phaser fire.

Rounding a bend, they saw Chakotay and The Doctor pressed into a corner, facing up against four Boraanians, the bodies of several others on the floor. The aliens lifted their blasters.

Together, Tom and B’Elanna raised their phasers and fired at the backs of two of the Boraanians. Having seen the two of them round the corner, Chakotay and The Doctor targeted the other two. The four assailants collapsed to the ground.

“Thanks,” Chakotay called, examining the soldiers briefly. “This place is even more heavily guarded than we thought.”

“Yeah, who knew they’d need so many soldiers in a hospital?” B’Elanna said, stepping over one body, not noticing or caring that she stood on his hands.

“Soldiers,” The Doctor snorted. “Look at them! They’re barely more than children.”

For the first time, Tom looked more closely at the aliens, looking beyond their body armour and strange black helmets. They did indeed appear to be young, no more than to mid to late teens.

“It appears the people of this planet will stop at nothing to end this conflict,” Chakotay said with distaste. “They’ll use bioweapons, genocide, child soldiers and abduction to get what they want.”

“Much like Earth used to,” The Doctor observed.

Tom still had his eyes on the face of one of the youngest looking of the Boraanians. He wondered if the kid actually knew what he was fighting for. He barely looked old enough to shave. And _these_ were the people he’d wanted the captain to give deadly weapons to.

“Amelia’s up ahead,” Chakotay said, examining his tricorder. He gestured down a side corridor. “You two defend this position here. We’ve only got a few minutes before the next window opens. I think we’re gonna have to wait for the next one. Get comfortable.”

Tom and B’Elanna took up positions at the head of the side corridor, each one looking a different direction, their backs to each other, stunned Boraanians still at their feet. Tom’s phaser was steady in his hand. He was ready for the slightest movement in the shadows.

Chakotay and The Doctor had already disappeared, searching for the room which would lead them to Amelia. As much as Tom wanted to follow them, he maintained his position. He had a duty here. And he wasn’t about to forget that.

Amelia needed him to stay level-headed.


	23. The Rescue

“The laboratory I worked in before is up ahead, Commander,” The Doctor told him, gesturing for Chakotay to follow. “It appears to be where they’re keeping her.”

Chakotay allowed him to take the lead, running after him with his blood pounding in his ears. Every nerve in his body was on high alert. His tricorder told him Amelia was nearby, but he wouldn’t trust that until he saw her with his own eyes. What were they doing keeping her in a laboratory?

“Here!” The Doctor stopped at one set of double doors. “She’s beyond here. But there’s a security lock –"

His voice was cut off when Chakotay fired his phaser at the panel beside the doors. It sparked and smoked and the doors slid open.

“How on earth did you know that would work?” The Doctor asked him, having jumped back.

Chakotay shrugged. “Aside from weapons technology, these people don’t appear very sophisticated.”

Without saying anything further, they both headed into the lab. It was large and lit with very dull light. There were many workstations filling the room, some covered in science equipment and computer panels, but the main focal point was a collection of large machines at the far end of the room, each one crisscrossed by a myriad of circuitry and piping. It looked almost like the sort of machines Tom had programmed into his Captain Proton holoprogramme.

Beside those huge machines were a series of beds, and on one there was a tiny little form lying very still.

Chakotay ran forwards immediately, heading towards the bed. He was so focused on reaching her, he almost didn’t see the figures emerging from behind the machines.

“Commander!”

Chakotay ducked just in time as weapon fire soared over his head, and he took up a position behind a workstation. The Doctor joined him a moment later. A group of three scientists had adopted a defensive position before Amelia’s bed. Each one was armed with a weapon.

“Please!” Chakotay called, hoping to reason with them. “We just want the child. Her parents—"

The returning volley of fire ended his hopes of cooperation abruptly. Chakotay inched his head around the workstation, trying to size up his enemy. They were too close to Amelia to risk firing. These so-called scientists obviously had no concerns about endangering a child.

Chakotay glanced to his tricorder and saw that the next shield window was opening in only two minutes. They did not have time for this.

“Commander,” The Doctor said in a stage whisper. “I can distract them and draw their fire while you sneak around that way and come at them from behind.”

“How are you going to do that?”

The Doctor held out his arm and gestured to his mobile emitter. “They don’t know I’m a hologram. I’ll draw their fire.”

“You sure?” Chakotay racked his memory, trying to focus as panels exploded all around him. Had they mentioned The Doctor’s holographic status to the Boraanians? “But what if they hit the emitter?”

“We don’t have a choice, Commander.” The Doctor didn’t give him a moment to protest as he leapt up from behind their defences.

“Hey! Over here you … you fools!”

Chakotay rolled his eyes and crouched down as he went in the opposite direction from The Doctor, using the many workstations and filing cabinets as cover as he crept closer to Amelia. The weapon blasts were loud as they tried in vain to hit The Doctor as he danced and laughed at them, bouncing up and down like some sort of ridiculous jack-in-the-box.

By now, he was almost behind the three scientists. Just a little closer—

One of the scientists cried out in shock as her shot went straight through The Doctor with a slight ripple. The Doctor’s eyes went wide. They were rumbled.

Wasting no more time, Chakotay leapt up from his hiding place and fired two quick shots at the nearest scientists who immediately crumpled to the ground. The last scientist turned around at the sound and lifted his weapon but was caught in the back by The Doctor’s own phaser.

Opposition eliminated, Chakotay could now turn to the only occupied bed.

Amelia lay so still Chakotay thought she was dead. He’d never seen her lie so still, not even in sleep. It wasn’t her style. Her face was wan but her cheeks were flushed pink.

The Doctor immediately pulled out his tricorder and began to examine her. His expression told Chakotay all he needed to know.

“We need to get her out of here,” Chakotay, said, glancing at the countdown on his tricorder. “Now.”

“We can’t move her yet, Commander,” The Doctor protested. “She’s far too weak. We need to treat her first.”

“We don’t have time,” Chakotay warned. “We’ll treat her on _Voyager_.”

“No.” The Doctor was adamant. “I know it’ll mean we miss the first window, but she won’t last much longer if I don’t try and treat her now.”

Chakotay looked back at Amelia. She was lying so still …

“Get on it then, Doctor,” he said, wracked with pain at the sight of her. “There’s no point in rescuing her if she dies before we bring her on board.”

The Doctor nodded, and immediately headed to the computer terminal beside Amelia’s bed. Chakotay looked over his shoulder and saw a jumbled mass of letters and numbers which made little sense to him.

“It’s been encoded.”

“All their medical records are,” The Doctor explained, hurriedly tapping some keys. “Luckily, when I worked here before I added a new subroutine to my programme to understand it. I’ve already accessed the cure; apparently they were just waiting on the order to administer it. The only problem is, I have to use some of this equipment and medicine to treat her, and I’m not sure how to do that yet.”

“Will you figure it out?” Chakotay looked at the mass of equipment with a sinking heart.

“Commander.” The Doctor met his eyes with a disdainful look. “I am the most superior medical mind in all of Starfleet, programmed with over five million medical protocols, the collective medical knowledge of over three thousand cultures and information from two thousand medical reference sources as well as fifty million gigaquads of computer memory, which is far more than most highly developed humanoid brains. Don’t insult me.”

Fighting back a smile, Chakotay let him get on with it and turned to look at their exit, keeping his phaser readied. He tapped his combadge.

“Chakotay to Paris.”

“ _Paris here._ ” Tom’s response was instantaneous. “ _Have you got her?”_

“Yes, but The Doctor needs to treat her here. We’re going to be delayed. Hold the fort for us a while longer.”

There was a pause. “ _Is she gonna be alright?”_

Chakotay glanced at The Doctor, his brow furrowed as he read some information on his screen.

“The Doc’s working on it,” Chakotay said. “We gotta give him some time.”

Another pause. “ _I just hope we have enough of it.”_

Chakotay agreed. He ended the link and opened another when he saw the timer count down for the shield window and realised communications were open again to the ship. “Chakotay to _Voyager._ Can you read me?”

_“We read you, Commander!”_ Kathryn’s voice was loud and strained. It sounded as though she was in the middle of battle. “ _Are you ready for beaming out?”_

“Negative,” Chakotay answered, wincing. “We have her, but The Doc has to stabilise her. We’re going to have to wait for the next window.”

_“Understood_.” If Kathryn was disappointed, she gave no sign of it in her professional tone. “ _That next window will be our last._ _Voyager is taking heavy damage. We’ve diverted all power to the shields but they won’t last long. We can’t maintain this position much longer.”_

“Acknowledged, Chakotay out.” He ended the communication and took a few calming breaths. The thought of Kathryn up there and under attack pained him. But he forced himself to think of other things. He couldn’t help them at the moment.

He checked in with the other teams, all of whom were either in firefights or were defending their positions. They took the news that they’d have to wait well, but he could detect the tension in their voices. They weren’t sure they could stay where they were.

“I’ve got it!” The Doctor stood up with a cry of delight. He rushed over to one of the larger machines which had a circular opening the size of a person in it and began pushing buttons. “They developed a treatment which obliterates the viral components in the patient’s cells. It’s quite ingenious really. They—"

“Not the time, Doctor!” Chakotay could hear weapons fire beyond the door and knew that Tom and B’Elanna were in trouble. “Just do it.”

“Very well. Bring her here and lay her on the conveyer.”

Chakotay tucked his phaser into his belt and approached Amelia’s bed. She did not stir at all as he lifted her. She was cold and completely limp as he laid her on the conveyer, positioning her on her back. The Doctor pressed some buttons and she was slowly carried into the bowels of the machine.

“Stand back, Commander,” The Doctor ordered, and Chakotay retreated, heart in his mouth as the Doctor began pushing some more buttons. A blinding white light filled the interior of the machine as it came to life, grinding and buzzing and churning as it worked its magic. The Doctor was glued to the control pattern, fingers moving so fast Chakotay could not keep up as he adjusted dials and levers. The light dimmed and grew brighter in a steady heartbeat of whirring and thumping. It was like some terrible monster, and Amelia was deep in its belly.

An alarm sounded, and the Doctor entered a few more commands at the panel. Another great droning noise announced the return of the conveyer, and Chakotay rushed forwards as he saw Amelia’s face emerging from inside.

She was still lying still, eyes closed, and for one dreadful moment Chakotay thought it hadn’t worked.

“Amelia?” he called, touching her gently on the shoulder. “Amelia, can you hear me?”

A pair of blue eyes opened and looked up at him, and Chakotay could have wept with relief.

“She’s cured?”

“Not quite,” The Doctor warned, heading back to the computer terminal and copying some of the information with his tricorder. “But enough for now. I can administer the rest on _Voyager._ She’s out of danger.”

A terrified wail met his ears, and Chakotay was astonished to see Amelia crying heavily. She was shaking, and her eyes were wide and flitted nervously around the room.

Amelia never cried.

He rushed to her, and lifted her into his arms, pulling her close to him. “Shh, Amelia, it’s alright. You’re alright.”

It made no difference. She continued to weep, her cries growing louder. Chakotay glanced at the door. They couldn’t escape with her crying like this. She’d bring every Boraanian running their way.

He rocked her back and forth, speaking some soft words to her in the language of his ancestors, hand cupping the back of her head and stroking her fair hair. Her sniffles grew slightly less.

“Mommy?” she wailed. “Daddy?”

“It’s okay, Amelia,” he soothed, whispering into her ear. “I’m going to take you to them. Daddy’s close by, and Mommy’s waiting for you. I’ll take you home, I promise.”

She coughed and gasped a few more times before her cries stopped. She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him, her eyes rimmed with red, and like that first time he had held her, he thought she was looking right into his soul.

“Home?”

“Yes, Amelia, I’ll take you to them right now. But you can’t cry anymore, alright? We have to be quiet. Can you do that?”

She blinked a couple of times and then nodded. “Ok, ‘Kotay.”

Chakotay smiled at her use of his name. She loved saying that little rhyming phrase. Her eyes were looking at him with absolute trust. Kathryn’s eyes. He felt almost choked at the thought of what little reason she had to trust him based on her earlier life and the deaths of her siblings. But he refused to think of that now. Maybe this was his chance to finally make up for it.

“Commander, we have to go,” The Doctor said, looking meaningfully at the door.

Chakotay nodded and they ran back the way they came, Chakotay’s left arm wrapped protectively against Amelia and keeping her pressed to his hip. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tucked her head into his shoulder. Chakotay kept his phaser in his other hand. If anyone dared try and take her back he wouldn’t hesitate. He loved this little kid, and he’d do anything for her.

After a few moments, they had made it back down the corridor from the lab, but Tom and B’Elanna were not at their station, though the bodies of the stunned Boraanians were still there, now with an additional five or six on top.

“Daddy!”

Chakotay turned and saw Tom and B’Elanna running towards them from further down the corridor, where Chakotay could see a few more littered bodies. Tom came crashing into Chakotay.

“Amelia!” he cried, wrenching her from Chakotay’s arms and hugging her closely, dropping his phaser. His face was pressed into her hair, and tears spilled from his eyes. “It’s okay, sweetie. Daddy’s got you.”

“Chakotay to away teams,” he called, hitting his badge. “Mission accomplished. Get back to transport coordinates. Next window is in two and a half minutes. It’s your only shot.”

Together, his group began to head for the extraction point, Tom carrying Amelia who clung on for dear life as they raced through the alien complex. Chakotay kept an eye on the timer. It counted down almost cruelly fast. He didn’t want to know what would happen if they missed their next window.

They got back to their start point, but there was a huge mound of debris obstructing the corridor.

“What the—"

“Sorry, that was us, or Tom, rather,” B’Elanna said. She took a reading with her tricorder. “We should be close enough for _Voyager_ to lock on—"

A blast from a weapon cut her off and the wall an inch above her head exploded into concrete dust.

The team immediately ducked for cover behind the crates in the corridor as more Boraanians came into view down another side corridor. B’Elanna and Chakotay immediately launched a counter-attack, forcing the Boraanians to also stop for cover.

“Lay down a wide firing pattern,” he told B’Elanna. “We need to keep them at bay for—" he glanced at his tricorder “—twenty more seconds.”

She nodded, and fired again and again at the oncoming Boraanians, and he and The Doctor took aim at individuals.

Tom stayed where he was, cradling Amelia in his arms, pressing her face against his chest so she could not see.

_Fifteen seconds._

One of the Boraanians launched himself out from behind his cover and took aim at the group. He was cut down by B’Elanna.

_Ten more seconds._

More Boraanians came up the corridor they had just vacated. There was a lot more of them. The Doctor turned his attention on them. They couldn’t keep firing on two fronts.

_Five more seconds._

The leader of the new arrivals ran forwards, ducking and dodging attacks with incredible finesse.

_Four seconds._

The Boraanian aimed at the group—

_Three._

The Doctor fired at him, forcing him to duck and lose his targets.

_Two._

The Boraanian lifted his weapon again.

_One._

He took aim.

_Zero._

“Chakotay to _Voyager_. Transport now!”

Chakotay saw the Boraanian fire towards them, but before it could reach their position he felt the beginning of the familiar transporter beam and the medical facility vanished, replaced by the transporter room of _Voyager_.

Chakotay and the others immediately vacated the pads, allowing the transporter operators to fetch the next away teams. The transporter room doors slid open and Kathryn came running in.

“Amelia!”

“Mommy!” Amelia was happily placed into her mother’s arms by Tom, and Kathryn held her close, for once allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of her crew as tears rolled down her cheeks. Tom and B’Elanna joined her a moment later, all emotional, all desperate to lay their hands on Amelia as though unable to believe she was there.

Chakotay watched from the side, not able to join this happy family reunion, but a joy growing in his heart nonetheless. He’d done it. It was over.

He’d heard Tom and Kathryn talking before the mission discussing ‘the other two’. They grieved for the two children they had lost, he knew that finally, and Chakotay knew he’d likely never be able to forgive himself for that. But at least this child, _this_ one, he’d been able to save.

“Captain, all away teams on board,” the transporter chief told her.

Kathryn broke away from the happy group, giving Amelia back to her father. “Janeway to bridge. We’ve got everyone, Ensign. Take us out of here, full warp.”

“ _Aye, Captain_ ,” came Harry’s voice.

Kathryn surveyed the room, checking on all the teams who had transported in after them, all of whom looked battle fatigued but alive. Only then did she come to Chakotay. Her eyes, so like Amelia’s, swam with tears.

“Thank you, Chakotay,” she said. “Thank you so much.”

“You’ve always been right, Kathryn,” he said, smiling. “This crew, we’re family. And for that reason, they’re all precious to me. Your family most of all.”

He wondered if she understand the unsaid things he wished he could say. The sheer strength of the love he had for her and her daughter.

By the way she smiled and nodded, unable to speak, he believed she did.

She turned and went back to her daughter who was now happily cocooned in B’Elanna’s arms.

Chakotay watched the family, mixed joy and sadness tumbling around inside, desperately wishing that one day Kathryn would finally allow him to become fully part of it.


	24. The Warrior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay! I started back work this week for the first time since lockdown in March. Trying to get four year olds to socially distance left me kinda drained! Wish I could control them the way I do Amelia!

Kathryn laughed and smiled as she passed through the crowd in the mess hall. The annual Prixin celebrations were coming to a close and she had never been happier at one before. Somehow, the Talaxian celebration seemed extra special these days now that they had regular contact with the Alpha Quadrant. Just last week, Kathryn had spoken to her mother and sister back on Earth, hardly able to talk through her tears as she heard their voices for the first time in almost seven years. Earth had never seemed so close as it did now.

She’d also taken the opportunity to introduce them both to Amelia, now a lively four year old, and they had adored her instantly. Amelia had been uncharacteristically shy at first, but at the end of the eleven minute conversation she was babbling away happily to her grandmother and the aunt she had been named for. It was a marked difference from even a few months ago, when Amelia had still been struggling with speech. All the Doctor’s tests showed that Amelia had cognitive abilities and intelligence far beyond her years, yet she’d always struggled with certain things, such as speech and gross motor control. She could barely run or jump without losing her balance, but her fingers were quick and fast when typing on a PADD, all indications Tom used to promote his ‘she’ll be a pilot someday’ viewpoint. Yet Kathryn was not concerned. Her daughter would develop at her own pace, whatever that was.

Her senior officers were all standing together close to the buffet table. As she approached, Chakotay gave her a wide grin. Kathryn couldn’t stop herself grinning back, feeling the usual flutter of her heart when he looked at her in that way. She went and stood beside him, loving this chance to relax a little with her crew.

“Want to get in on things?” Chakotay asked her. “Tom’s betting we’ll be back in the Alpha Quadrant by the end of the year.”

“Really? That soon?” Kathryn looked to Tom with an eyebrow raised. “That’s ambitious.”

“Come on! We’re in contact with the Alpha Quadrant every day,” he said, looking disheartened at some of the looks he was receiving. “Some of the Federation’s top minds are working on this. They’re gonna get us back soon!”

“I have to confess, I’ve been thinking the same myself,” Kathryn said. “Things are certainly much more hopeful than they’ve been in a while.”

“Well, I say two years, tops,” B’Elanna said. “But Harry says eighteen months.”

“I’ve got twenty months,” Chakotay said, winking.

Kathryn looked at Tuvok. “And what do you think?”

Tuvok head his head higher. “Vulcans do not bet,” he said stiffly. They all sighed in disappointment before he spoke again. “However, if pushed, I would say thirteen months, two weeks, four days.”

“Very exact, Commander,” Kathryn laughed. She chewed her bottom lip for a moment. “I think I’m going to have to side with Tom on this one. By the end of the year. Nine months at most.”

“ _Thank you_ , Captain!”

Discussion had turned to the stakes in the bet when Kathryn was roused by a shout behind her.

“Captain Janeway!”

Neelix was marching towards her and he looked furious. The effect was ruined somewhat, however, by the fact that he had been drenched in what looked like a substantial amount of some sort of scarlet sauce. Two figures were being propelled in front of him, barely concealing their laughter.

“Captain Janeway, I have to regretfully announce to you that I have been the victim of a cruel prank!” Neelix said, holding his head up proudly even as sauce dripped into his eye. “And it’s the two youngest members of the crew who are to blame.”

Kathryn was finding it difficult to maintain a straight face. In front of Neelix stood Amelia and Naomi Wildman, identical grins of glee stretched across their faces.

“What happened?” she asked, trying to keep her voice free of mirth.

“They booby-trapped one of my cupboards!” Neelix scowled down at the two girls. “My best sauce—ruined!”

“Amelia!” Tom had stepped forward. He was doing a much worse job of hiding his laughter than even his daughter was doing. “That was mean.”

“It was Naomi’s idea!” Amelia protested, her eyes wide and innocent looking. But Kathryn was not fooled easily.

“I can’t believe you two!” Tom was attempting to be stern but failing miserably. Behind him, B’Elanna was hiding her grin behind her hands. “Was that a nice thing to do to Neelix?”

“No,” the girls said in unison, clasping their hands in front of them, doing the perfect impersonation of little angels. Hanging their heads and feigning contriteness, they turned around to face Neelix. “We’re sorry.”

_Oh, they’re good_ , Kathryn thought _. They’ve rehearsed this down to a tee_.

Neelix’s anger faded as he looked down between the two girls, and he faltered.

“Yes, well, I suppose there was no harm done,” Neelix said, his resolve weakening. “Children will be children, as the Humans say. Just lucky I’ve got a spare pot in the refrigeration unit.”

He walked off back to the galley and the girls glanced at each other in triumph. Their jubilation was short-lived, however, as they turned to see the senior officers still staring down at them.

“I think the captain should issue a punishment, what do you think?” Tom asked, looking to her and winking.

_Thanks, Tom. How come I always have to be the bad guy?_

Kathryn stood with her hands on her hips and looked down at the two of them. _Voyager’s_ first, and so far only children, they were the darlings of the crew and spoiled utterly rotten.

“Both of you will go and help Neelix clean up the mess in the galley,” she said with her severest voice. “And then, you will give him an apology. A _real_ one. Do you understand?”

They nodded mutely, much more subdued than before.

“And then,” Kathryn said, allowing herself to smile. “You are ordered to help yourself to the desserts. It’s still a celebration after all.”

The two girls cheered slightly, and agreed readily, running off to the galley, Naomi holding Amelia by the hand to stop her losing her balance.

Kathryn turned back to her crew, who were all now laughing openly.

“What are we going to do with her?” Tom asked, shaking his head.

“Good question,” Kathryn said to him. “I assume it’s _you_ she learned this from?”

He placed a hand over his heart. “Me? How dare you!”

“Please, Tom,” B’Elanna said, rolling her eyes. “I _know_ it was you who taught her to alter the temperature of the sonic shower while I was in it.”

“Innocent until proven guilty.”

The party continued for a long time as the supplies of food dwindled but supplies of alcohol seemed to increase. Talk turned to families and hopes of seeing them again soon. As always, these conversations were tinged with sadness, but Kathryn was still more hopeful than ever. She took up a seat by the mess hall windows after a while, needing a break from the constant cacophony of voices buzzing through her head. She laughed as she watched Amelia running around the mess hall, screaming with delight as her father tried to catch her. She only fell a couple of times.

“She’s getting better at that.” Chakotay had come to sit next to her, and he too turned to watch Amelia. “Wasn’t so long ago she couldn’t run at all.”

“She’s come a long way,” Kathryn agreed. “She took so long to start walking I was afraid she’d never manage it. But she’s stubborn.”

“Wonder where she gets that from?” Chakotay chuckled at her side.

Kathryn didn’t even attempt to contradict him. She watched him from the corner of her eye. These were the times she loved most on _Voyager_ ; when the crew all came together to relax and have fun. When she and Chakotay were more informal with each other than ever.

Over the last two years, her barriers had been growing weaker and weaker. He was there all the time, eating with her in her quarters, coming with her on outings to the holodeck with Amelia, first into her ready room when he thought she needed support with something. But he’d never raised the possibility of them finally giving into their feelings. And neither had she.

It made her wonder; did he actually _want_ them to be together? Kathryn was still not entirely convinced he was always honest with her. There was still a certain sadness which came into his eyes sometimes when he was with Amelia, or when talking about her to Kathryn. The worst had been last week when Amelia had asked excitedly when B’Elanna was going to have a baby so she could have a brother or sister. She wasn’t sure why it had bothered him so, or why he’d left the room shortly afterwards.

At that moment, Amelia came bouncing up to them and she threw herself at Kathryn, who scooped her up to sit her on her knee. She was quite possibly too big for this now, but she wasn’t about to complain.

“Mommy, what’s a targ?”

“A targ?” Of all the many questions Amelia asked everyone every day she hadn’t expected one like this. “It’s an animal. A sort of pig that Klingons like to keep as pets. Why?”

“Daddy says I’m as hard to catch as one,” she said with a giggle. “Did B’Elanna have a targ when she was a little girl?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask her?”

“Daddy’s with her,” Amelia said, pulling a face, and Kathryn laughed, imagining what they were getting up to. “Can you get targs on Earth? In Indiana, where grandma lives?”

“No, just on the Klingon homeworld, I think.”

“That’s Qo'noS.”

“Yes, it is,” Kathryn smiled. “You’ve been listening to your lessons.”

“I want to see it. I want to see Earth too.” Amelia said, playing with Kathryn’s combadge. “I want to see where you all used to live.”

“Quite the explorer, aren’t you, Amelia?” Chakotay said, looking meaningfully at Kathryn.

“I like finding out stuff,” she said. She smiled up at Chakotay. “Where did you used to live?”

Kathryn tensed, unsure if Chakotay would want to talk about his home colony with Amelia, not after the news they’d had in the data streams about the wars with the Dominion and Cardassians. Chakotay, however, did not appear perturbed.

“I’m from a Federation colony far away from Earth,” he answered her. “My people lived there for a very long time. But we had to move when some bad people came to our home.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Very much,” he said, only Kathryn seeing the pain behind his eyes. “I miss my father. He used to tell me lots of stories about my ancestors.”

“Like what?”

Kathryn sighed. Her curiosity was insatiable, and she did not want Chakotay to be bothered by her. But Chakotay looked pleased at being asked. Glancing for a second at Kathryn, he reached out and pulled Amelia onto his own knee.

“Oh, there are lots of stories from my people,” he said. “There are stories about people who can change their skins and look like different animals, about Spirits which guide us and stories about winning great battles. But do you want to hear my favourite story?”

Amelia nodded eagerly.

“Well, it’s about a warrior, a very angry warrior, who was lost and didn’t know his way. He was fighting with himself and his tribe. He couldn’t find peace anywhere, no matter how hard he tried. The only thing that seemed to help, was fighting in battles. He was made a hero, but he still wasn’t happy.”

Kathryn had gone very still, heart beginning to beat fast. Chakotay did not look at her, but continued smiling down at Amelia, who was hanging on his every word.

“One day, he and his people were captured by another tribe, who were led by a woman warrior. Her own tribe was very small, and too weak to defend itself from its enemies, so she invited him to join her. She was brave, and beautiful, and very wise. The angry warrior promised that he’d always stay by her side and do whatever he could to help her. From then on, she came first. And he began to finally feel happy, for the first time in his life.”

“So he wasn’t angry anymore?”

“No, the opposite,” he said, smoothing her hair back. “He found love, and peace, and a new family. A family he would die to protect. He stopped thinking about himself, and all his own worries, and dedicated himself to others. Putting their needs before his own.”

“Did he live happily ever after?”

Chakotay lifted his eyes to Kathryn’s. “The story was never finished,” he said, speaking across the top of Amelia’s head. “But I hope so.”

Kathryn swallowed and looked down at her hands. Did this mean what she thought it did? Her memories from New Earth flooded back to her. How close they’d become, how he’d touched her, looked at her, when they’d come the closest they ever had to lowering their barriers. Was he also thinking the same?

Amelia, entirely oblivious, continued to ask questions.

“Was the woman warrior very brave?”

“Very.”

“Braver than a Klingon?”

“No doubt.”

“Even B’Elanna?”

“I’d say so.”

“Even my mommy?”

Again, Chakotay looked over at Kathryn. “Your mommy is the bravest woman I know.”

Kathryn offered him a smile, almost certain her cheeks were beginning to glow. She wished they were out of here, out of the company of half the crew with all their eyes on them.

Amelia looked pleased. “She is. Is my daddy brave?”

Chakotay made a face. “I’m not too sure about that.”

“Hey, I heard that!” Tom had been approaching from behind Kathryn, and he had a mock offended look on his face. “Don’t listen to him, Amelia. Daddy is _very_ brave. He’s marrying a Klingon after all!”

“But B’Elanna isn’t scary!”

“Just wait till you’re older, kid,” Tom laughed. “When you’re not so cute, I promise you’ll feel the full force of her wrath.” He looked to Kathryn. “I was going to take her home, Captain, if that’s alright. It’s getting late.”

“Of course.” Kathryn kissed Amelia on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Amelia hugged her and Chakotay and walked off, hand in hand with Tom. Kathryn watched her go. It never got any easier.

“You okay?” Chakotay appeared concerned.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I just hate it when she can’t be with me. Selfish of me, I know.”

“Not selfish, just natural.” Chakotay said reassuringly.

“Perhaps,” Kathryn sighed. “Just makes me wish I had a child of my own that I didn’t need to send away every few days.”

“Maybe you will, someday.” Chakotay met her with a long gaze which left her almost breathless. How was it he was able to do this to her, to leave her speechless with a single look?

She stood up, seeing that the mess hall was slowly beginning to empty. “I think I’ll turn in as well. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kathryn didn’t stop or look back until she reached her quarters. Once inside, she leaned against a bulkhead.

Only then did she allow herself to smile.


	25. A Nebula

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay again! Only excuse is the combined return to full time working and illness. Seriously, all these new infection control procedures in schools for Covid and I still manage to get a bad cold ...

A few days after the Prixin celebration, Tom was on duty on the bridge, another routine shift without too much excitement. He leaned back in his chair, eyes lazily watching the screens for navigation and control.

“How about New Zealand?” Harry asked him from across the bridge. He had his elbows on his own workstation, looking entirely fed up. “I always thought it looked like a nice place. Mountain climbing, skiing … B’Elanna’d be into that.”

“Harry, I’m not gonna have my honeymoon in a holographic representation of the country I was once incarcerated in,” Tom said, rolling his eyes. “I was thinking Risa.”

“Everyone goes for Risa,” Harry scoffed. “Not very original.”

“There’s a reason everyone goes to Risa, Harry. I intend to find out.”

“What about Pacifica? Or Casperia Prime?”

“Maybe …” Tom mused, stretching his hands behind his head.

“I recommend the Fire Pits of Vulcan,” interjected Tuvok from behind him. “It is a most fascinating place.”

“Fiery pits of lava?” Tom said. “Yeah, I could see B’Elanna going for that. I mean, we’re only getting a few hours for a honeymoon. Might as well make it exciting.”

A beeping from Harry’s station put an end to all discussion.

“Commander, sensors have detected an unusual formation up ahead.”

“I have it on my sensors,” Tom agreed, leaning forwards to look at his displays. “It’s a nebula, but like no other nebula _I’ve_ ever seen. It’s huge!”

“Class J,” Harry informed them. “It’s got huge quantities of deuterium. Commander, I think this would be a good chance to stock up.”

“Agreed,” Tuvok said. He tapped his badge. “Captain Janeway to the bridge.”

A few moments later, Janeway and Chakotay had emerged from her ready room, PADDS in hand.

“We’re approaching a Class J nebula, Captain,” Harry rattled off. “Packed full of deuterium from the looks of things.”

Janeway had taken her seat and began viewing Harry’s scans. “Is it in visual range?”

“Yes, Captain.”

A second later it had popped up on the viewscreen. Tom let out a long whistle. “Wow, the sensors weren’t kidding. I’ve never seen a Class J nebula that big.”

“Nor have I, Lieutenant,” Janeway said. She stood up and stared at the screen where the monstrous green and blue formation filled the image, biting her lower lip. “It would make an excellent opportunity for study as well as collecting some deuterium. I believe it may be the largest on record.”

“I think Seven might like a look at it too,” Chakotay said. “I’m surprised it didn’t show up in Astrometrics. This thing’s like a ghost. We were practically on top of it before we picked it up.”

“Hold our position here, Tom,” Janeway ordered. “I’d like a further look at it. Chakotay, tell Seven to prepare the _Delta Flyer_ for a routine survey and deuterium collection. Harry, I want you scanning it from here. Get down to Astrometrics to get a better look if you’d like.”

“Don’t you want a closer look, Captain?” Tom asked, fixing their position and turning to look at her. “Don’t tell me you’re not itching to get inside it?”

Janeway smiled. “Of course I do. But someone needs to be captain.”

“What’s the point of being captain if you don’t get all the good missions?” Tom pointed out. “The largest Class J nebula ever discovered and you’re just gonna stay on board? Where’s the science officer in you?”

She was tempted. Janeway’s eyes kept flicking back to the screen. Tom wanted her to say yes. He’d come to know her really well over the last few years and knew that she often had to sacrifice her scientific curiosity in the name of her captain’s duties. It didn’t seem fair to him that he and B’Elanna and all the others got to indulge their interests on board, but Janeway didn’t. She’d allowed them to build the _Delta Flyer_ using _Voyager’s_ resources, not even raising an eyebrow when he’d added his own little modifications. True, it was used mainly for _Voyager_ ’s benefit, but it’d begun as a simple hobby.

The captain and the scientist were at war. Eventually, it seemed the scientist won.

“Alright, Lieutenant, you’ve convinced me.” A mischievous grin broke out on her face. “I’ll accompany Seven in the _Flyer._ ”

“Is that wise, Captain?” Chakotay questioned her. “You know the protocols about captains on away missions—”

“Yes, and there isn’t a single Starfleet captain who doesn’t bend that rule on occasion,” Janeway replied. “Captain’s prerogative, I’m afraid. I’ll be in Astrometrics.”

Once she’d left the bridge, Chakotay turned to Tom. “Happy?”

“It’s just a nebula!” Tom shrugged. “What could happen?”

“How many times have we all heard _that_ one?” Chakotay muttered darkly.

* * *

The surveying mission appeared to be going well. With _Voyager_ stationary, Tom wasn’t needed at the conn, so joined Harry in going between the ops and science stations collecting the data that Janeway and Seven were sending back to the ship. Despite not being much of a scientist himself, even Tom was intrigued by some of the readings they were getting. The deuterium they had sampled appeared to be highly enriched and could be put to great use in the ship’s engines, perhaps even improving their performance.

Chakotay was in command of the bridge, reading through some reports at his chair, only occasionally glancing up at the nebula on the screen with a frown on his face. Tom thought he was a being a bit too uptight. Just how many nebulae had they surveyed over _Voyager’s_ time in the Delta Quadrant?

“Initial survey 96% completed,” Tuvok said. “They should be returning shortly.”

“Are we going to map the whole thing, Commander?” Harry asked. “Doing it in detail could take months.”

“I think not, Ensign,” Chakotay responded, looking up. “We don’t have the luxury to sit around all that time. We’ll just have to be happy with what information we can get. Maybe one day Starfleet can get back out this far and have another shot at it.”

“Seems a shame,” Harry said. “Who knows what could be hiding out here that we just to keep on flying past? There could be technological, scientific and medical discoveries we’ll never know about.”

“You want to add even more years to our journey home, Harry?” Tom asked, logging some more data from the sensors.

“Course not, all I’m saying is, maybe the secret to getting home is out there but we missed it.”

“We’ll just have to take that risk, Harry. I for one, don’t want—”

“Commander, incoming distress signal from the _Delta Flyer,”_ Harry interrupted, voice immediately becoming tense.

Chakotay sat bolt upright. “Let’s hear it.”

“Text only, Commander. Their comms are severely damaged.” Harry continued pressing buttons as Tom raced back to the conn. “Their shuttle was hit by an unexplained energy discharge. They have extensive damage and engines are failing. Seven also reports that the captain has been injured.”

Tom momentarily froze at his position. _Janeway, injured_. He didn’t want to believe it.

“Can we transport them to _Voyager_?” Chakotay’s voice was sharp.

“Negative. Not until they’re in closer range. There’s too much interference.”

“Tractor beam?”

“Same problem.”

“Commander, I can get us closer,” Tom said, already beginning to chart a course.

“Are you sure? We don’t want to be hit by the same thing they were.”

“I can do it,” Tom repeated. His eyes danced over his consoles as he input speed and bearing. “I can read the discharges on my sensors. I’m certain I can avoid them.”

“Very well, Lieutenant. Let’s see that fancy flying of yours.”

“Aye, sir,” Tom said, engaging his course and directing the ship towards the _Delta Flyer._ It was rough going, with discharges and eddies threatening their passage at every moment.

“It’s like going through a minefield,” Harry complained, as one discharge hit their hull, seemingly unaffected by their shields. “That one knocked out power to the relays on Deck 13.”

“I’ll try not to hit any more!” Tom gritted his teeth as he manoeuvred the gigantic _Voyager_ through the disturbances at the edges of the nebula. His heart was in his mouth. Each discharge seemed closer than the next, and the ship juddered and complained as he forced it further inside the nebula. He’d never seen a formation like it. Nebulae just didn’t behave like this.

“Stress on the hull reaching danger levels,” Tuvok indicated, as more alerts began flashing.

“We’re almost there,” Harry said, clutching his monitor with white knuckles. “Just a few seconds more, Tom!”

Tom obeyed, driving further and further, carrying out increasingly wild manoeuvres, which he knew for a fact were not Starfleet approved, to get closer to the blip on his screen which was the _Delta Flyer._

“That’s it!” Harry spun around and began tapping on another monitor. “Transporting the _Flyer_ and the away team to the shuttlebay."

A few tense seconds passed until Harry gave a sigh of relief. “We got them!”

“Get us out of here,” Lieutenant,” Chakotay commanded, as a couple panels around the room began sparking.

Tom had already started to do so, flying with as much dexterity as he could until they were finally free of the nebula. He took up a position five thousand kilometres away to be on the safe side. Only then did he allow himself to relax slightly.

“Commander.” Harry’s face was serious. “Seven requested an emergency transport to sickbay for the captain. She’s in a critical condition.”

“Understood.” Chakotay acknowledged, but did not look at him. He stared directly in front, his face draining of colour. His eyes met Tom’s and Tom knew they both understood the panic the other was feeling yet trying to mask. Tom could not help but think of Amelia, safe, playing with Naomi somewhere on the ship, unaware of what had happened to her mother. He felt sick.

Chakotay seemed to be hesitating, but then came to a decision. “Mr. Paris, maintain our position here and Mr. Kim, continue whatever scans of the nebula we can accomplish from here, find out more about those energy bursts. Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge. I’ll be in sickbay.”

Ignoring the chorus of ‘aye, sir’, Chakotay stood up and strode purposefully towards the turbolift, pausing at the entrance before he looked back at Tom.

“You can come too, if you like, Lieutenant.”

Tom was out of his seat like a shot, joining Chakotay in the turbolift without a second thought. Neither of them spoke on the way to sickbay, he doubted either of them could. Memories of the last time he’d spoken to Janeway rumbled through Tom’s head. He’d encouraged her to go. This was his fault.

Upon entering sickbay, they found the captain lying on the main surgical bed, The Doctor moving around her at an incredible speed, deploying scans and hyposprays with expertise. Seven stood a little to the side and looked on, her face the picture of uncharacteristic concern.

“What happened?” Chakotay demanded of her.

Seven glanced at the captain once before answering. “We were hit by a phenomenal burst of energy. It overloaded the control panel Captain Janeway was working at. Most of our systems were down and I was only just able to get a message to _Voyager._ I attempted to stabilise her condition with the medkit on board, but I was unable.”

“And what is her condition?” Chakotay moved forwards, Tom a little behind him.

The captain was unconscious, but aside from a few burns, which even Tom with his limited medical abilities knew were largely superficial, she did not appear very much affected. However, a glance at the monitors showed to Tom that there was far more going on below the surface. Her vital signs were erratic, and he was astonished at the level of cellular degradation he was seeing.

“I’m afraid I’m not quite sure,” The Doctor said, turning to look at them. His face was unusually grave. “Her cells are degrading rapidly, some side effect of the energy burst which hit the _Delta Flyer_. I have tried to synthesise more, but they are continually being destroyed, as if the energy burst is still inside her searching for new cells to annihilate. It’s almost like a virus, a very rapidly progressing one.”

“Can you reverse it?” Chakotay asked, hand gripping the monitor he was standing beside tightly.

The Doctor sighed. “Temporarily perhaps, but the degradation will just continue with each new infusion of cells into her body.”

“What are you saying, Doc?” Tom asked, his entire body going cold.

“I’m saying, that unless I can find a way to introduce new cellular material into her body and prevent its destruction within the next forty-eight hours, I’m afraid she has no chance of survival.”

Tom heard the words, but was not sure he could comprehend them. The captain could not die. She was the _captain_. She’d survived the Kazon, Species 8472 and the Borg, only to be killed by a nebula? It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.

How was he supposed to tell Amelia that her mother was dying?

And how was he supposed to tell her that it had been his idea for her to go?


	26. A Solution?

The meeting of senior staff that morning was the hardest of Chakotay’s life. Every instinct in his body was screaming at him to go to Kathryn in sickbay, to hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be alright. What good it would do? None. But he wanted to be there nonetheless. He ached to be away from her.

_He didn’t want her to die alone._

But he was in command for the moment, and he had to be strong, as he knew Kathryn would be. She had always been so strong— no, he refused to think of her in past tense. She was going to make it through this. He wasn’t about to become captain yet. Her chair was not going to be his.

“Report,” he said, breaking through his personal haze of emotion to look at the crew around him, seeing their own pain reflected back at him. It couldn’t match his however.

“The nebula has stopped emitting the energy bursts,” Harry told him. “From what we can tell, it emits those on a regular basis as a result of some complex gaseous interactions in the centre of the nebula. The ship is secure.”

“The _Delta Flyer_ took it pretty rough,” B’Elanna said. “All the internal systems were blasted, but the framework’s still sound. We should be able to repair it in a couple of weeks or so. We also managed to salvage the deuterium it collected.”

“Good,” Chakotay nodded, trying his hardest to look interested. He turned to The Doctor finally, dreading the question he had to ask now. “How is the captain?”

“After analysing the energy bursts in a bit more detail I have now come to understand their effect on the captain a little better,” The Doctor said. “I believe a new influx of restorative cells combined with controlled bursts of osmotic pressure therapy should be enough for her cells to stabilise and begin to duplicate.”

Chakotay felt a wild flutter of hope. “You mean, you can cure her?”

The flutter of hope died as he saw the look on The Doctor’s face.

“Unfortunately, I’m unable to proceed at the moment,” he answered. “While I suspect my treatment would be effective, I am unable to procure new restorative cells. The level of cellular degradation in the captain’s body is so extensive that there is not a cell in her body unaffected. I have tried to replicate synthetic cells, but they have no effect.”

Before Chakotay’s heart could sink any lower, Seven spoke.

“Could you not use donor cells, Doctor?”

“In theory, yes,” The Doctor said. “But with the osmotic pressure therapy and the damage already done, the donor cells would have to be a very close match in order to work. Finding a donor among the crew would be near miraculous.”

“There’d better be a ‘but’ to this, Doctor,” Chakotay said. He stared intensely at the EMH as though trying to force him to tell him what he wanted to hear.

The Doctor nodded, but still looked grim. “There is,” he said. He glanced to Tom. “The best hope for the captain, is Amelia.”  
  


“Amelia?” Tom frowned. “You want to use her cells?”

“Her stem cells, yes,” The Doctor nodded. “Such transfers work best with close family, and Amelia is the only source of the captain’s DNA for several thousand light years. I have already determined that they are a match.”

Tom looked hesitant. “Is there no other way?”

“Not that I’ve been able to find, and we’re running out of time.” The Doctor looked down at the PADDs he had brought with him. “She could save her life.”

“But there’s risk involved, right?” Tom had gone incredibly pale, and despite Chakotay’s own concern for Kathryn, he felt for him. “I know that much. Amelia’s so fragile herself. Her immune system is so volatile. If you remove some of her stem cells …”

“I’ve considered that,” The Doctor said sombrely. “I can keep her in isolation and provide some further treatments. She should be alright. Her own body will produce some more in time, and I can accelerate the process.”

“ _Should be_ alright?” Tom swallowed and bit his lip. “Doctor, I’m all for helping the captain, but not if it’s gonna put Amelia at any risk.”

“The risk is minimal,” The Doctor tried to reassure him, a frown beginning on his face. “There’s a greater chance of something going wrong with the captain than there is with Amelia. The procedure will, unfortunately, be somewhat painful for her. But it should not cause any lasting harm.”

“There’s that word again, _‘should’_.” Tom looked around at everyone, his desperation showing on his face. “There’s a still a chance she’ll be harmed by this, right? You want to put a kid through that risk and cause her pain?”

“I don’t _want_ to,” The Doctor protested, his voice growing louder. “But she could be her mother’s last hope. I would not recommend this if I believed otherwise, or that Amelia would be permanently damaged. The captain _needs_ this!”

“And I _need_ my four-year old daughter to be safe!”

“Enough!” Chakotay interrupted before the two of them could come to blows or say something they’d regret. Both were glaring at each other across the table. The rest of the senior staff watched silently, all probably feeling as conflicted as Chakotay himself did. The thought of causing that little girl any harm or pain was like a dagger to his heart. But losing Kathryn would end him. What should he do?

Chakotay passed his hand over his eyes, forcing himself to get it together. He had to make this decision, one of the toughest he might ever have to make. The daughter, or the mother? Which did he love more?

The answer was impossible to come to. He’d die for both.

He needed to think like a captain. Like Kathryn would.

Drawing a deep breath, Chakotay looked up at Tom, who awaited his decision with a look of utter anguish.

“I cannot order you to do this, Tom,” Chakotay said, ignoring The Doctor’s protests. “It is your decision to make, no one else’s. I cannot order you to put your daughter in harm’s way, even to save the captain.”

Tom nodded, but he didn’t look any happier. On the contrary, he seemed worse. Chakotay did not envy him the impossible choice he now had to make. He did not doubt Tom’s profound respect, and even affection for the captain, but he also knew that he would never willingly allow his daughter to be put in any danger, no matter how slight.

As much as Chakotay wished it were otherwise, Tom now held the captain’s life in his hands.

“Very well,” The Doctor said, folding his arms across his chest. “But make your decision quickly, Mr. Paris. Tomorrow night is our last chance; any later and it will probably be too late to administer the treatment. Let me know what you decide. I’ll be in sickbay.”

The hologram stood up and left the briefing room without another glance at anyone. The silence he left behind was tangible.

“Dismissed,” Chakotay said, feeling his own defences beginning to fail.

They left quietly, leaving Chakotay sitting alone at the briefing room table. He looked to Kathryn’s empty chair beside him and almost broke down entirely.

_I can’t lose you, Kathryn._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading and commenting! Forgive this chapter and the next few for any major medical inconsistencies. I tried to do my research, I really did! I'm not the greatest at writing 24th century medical technobabble.


	27. Eavesdropping

Tom stood in the doorway of Amelia’s room and watched as the little girl slept, her chest rising up and down in a steady rhythm. Her projection device had been left on, stars and galaxies covering the ceiling and emitting a soft glow. She was never able to get to sleep without looking at the stars. She was her mother’s daughter, all right. And Tom loved her more than he had ever thought it possible to love someone. How could he put her at any risk?

He turned away from her as he felt himself be overcome, collapsing upon his sofa. Memories of her illness and kidnap two years earlier came rushing back. He didn’t think he could go through the pain again of watching her slipping away from disease, or not knowing if she was going to be alright. The Doctor’s treatments at the time had been effective, but it been almost two months before she could leave sickbay, and the active little girl had suffered. How could he ask that of her again?

B’Elanna came to sit beside him, pulling his hands into hers. She was upset, but was disguising it as best as she could for Tom’s sake. He leaned his head onto her shoulder, seeking her strength to sustain him through this. They were supposed to be preparing to get married in a few weeks. Would Amelia have to go to her mother’s funeral instead of her father’s wedding?

“Am I being selfish?” He finally voiced what he had been thinking, knowing B’Elanna would be the last person to judge him.

“No, of course not,” she soothed. Her arm stretched around his shoulders and pulled him close. “This is a horrible choice, Tom.”

“Tell me about it.” He screwed up his eyes tightly. “I care about Janeway, I do, I really do. More than I thought I did until now. She’s not just my captain now, or the mother of my child. She’s a friend. And I don’t want to lose her. Especially if it’s my fault.”

“It’s _not_ your fault, Tom.”

“Yeah, it is.” He opened his eyes and sat up to look at her full on. “It was me that pushed her into going to survey that nebula. And if she dies, it’ll be because of _my_ decision not to let Amelia help her.”

“Tom, you heard the Doctor, it’s a _tiny_ risk—"

“How can I make this decision, B’Elanna,” he asked desperately reaching out to hold her. “If I act, Amelia could be harmed in a way we don’t even know yet. And if I don’t, she loses her mother. Do I have the right to make that decision? Is the certainty of Janeway dying if she doesn’t get help more important than the _possibility_ that Amelia might be hurt? How can I gamble on possibilities when it’s my daughter’s health on the line?”

Tom slumped and fell back on the couch, his head thumping. He’d never been good at decisions. He always made the wrong one. Why did it have to be him? The look in Chakotay’s eyes haunted him. It wasn’t just Amelia who could suffer from losing Janeway. He couldn’t take all this pressure.

“Maybe you should let Amelia choose then,” B’Elanna said, causing Tom to snap his attention back to her.

“Amelia? She’s _four_ , B’Elanna,” he argued. “She wouldn’t understand.”

“You sure? She’s pretty smart.”

“She’s not old enough to make a decision like this,” he continued, sitting up straighter. “No matter how smart she seems, she’s a kid. A kid who’s already been through a lot in life.”

“Think about it, Tom,” B’Elanna said, squeezing his shoulder gently. “What will Amelia think in the future if she knows she could have saved her mother, and you denied her the right to choose?”

“If she was just a little older—"

“Daddy?”

Tom jumped at the sound of Amelia’s voice. The little girl was standing in the doorway in her pale pink pyjamas, blonde curls tousled with sleep. She rubbed her eyes and walked towards them, her lips trembling.

“Daddy, is Mommy going to die?”

Tom could have kicked himself for not checking her door was closed. Her anxious little face was like a knife to the heart.

“Oh, sweetie, come here,” he said, gathering her into his arms and holding her close. “I’m sorry we woke you.”

Amelia hugged him back, but soon wriggled out of his grasp to look at him, her eyes wide and watery.

“Daddy?”

For once, Tom hated the fact that she was so inquisitive. He wanted to just tell her everything was alright, send her back to bed with a story and a kiss on the cheek. But that trusting expression wouldn’t allow him to lie to her.

He sighed heavily, and sat Amelia on his knee, B’Elanna moving in closer to hold Amelia’s hand.

“I’m afraid Mommy is very sick,” he said, wishing for once that his daughter wasn’t quite so intelligent. “She’s in sickbay.”

“Will she get better?” Amelia asked, biting her lip.

Tom hesitated for a moment. Destroying the hope on that little face would be painful. “The Doctor doesn’t think so, sweetie. Not unless she can get a very special medicine.”

“Well get it then!” Amelia looked between them, expression frantic. “ _Voyager_ can get anything!”

“It’s not as easy as that,” Tom said, detesting himself for continuing to upset her. “It’s something that _you_ have, Amelia. Something very special inside of you. But getting it out of you to give to Mommy will hurt you, and it might make you sick too.”

Amelia blinked a few times as she took this in, her little brain whirring away as she fought to understand it. “But it’ll help Mommy?”

“Yes, but it might hurt you. Do you understand?”

Amelia was silent for a long moment before she nodded. A few tears gathered in her eyes.

“Can we go and visit her, Daddy?”

“Of course, we can,” Tom said, holding her close. “We’ll take you first thing in the morning.” _To say goodbye_ , a morbid voice said at the back of his mind.

Amelia nodded and sniffed as she pressed her face against Tom’s chest, his shirt soon wet with her tears. Amelia never cried. Only when she was separated from her parents or when she was afraid.

Tom worried that this separation would prove to be the longest yet.


	28. A Visit to Sickbay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone one reading and commenting! We're coming to the end of the story now. Only a few chapters left! :)

Since the meeting the previous day, Chakotay had spent almost every spare moment at Kathryn’s side. The Doctor had done all he could. Her burns from the energy discharge had not healed due to the damage to her cells and their ability to replicate, but aside from that, she looked peaceful, her face entirely unmarred by the accident. She slept calmly in the surgical bay, face slack, chest gently rising and falling.

Chakotay sat beside her, eyes lingering on her face. _Spirits_ , how much he loved her. He should have told her. He shouldn’t have danced around the issue all these years, hoping for something to happen. Kathryn may have rebuffed him, told him that nothing could happen, but he should have at least _said_ something to know for sure. He knew she had had some sort of feelings for him; just once, he wished he’d taken the chance on those feelings, crossed that final boundary they’d always placed between them.

Chakotay softly stroked her hand. It was colder than he liked, and Chakotay could not bring himself to imagine what it would like if it never got any warmer. If this wonderful woman left his life forever with these things unsaid between them.

He stood and leaned over her, breathing in her scent, willing her to open her eyes and smile at him. But she remained still. Too still. This wasn’t his Kathryn; she wasn’t one for lying around all day.

Chakotay stretched out his fingers and softly stroked her cheek, fighting the sobs growing in his throat and the wateriness of his eyes. Why had he let so much come between them? Why had he never been brave enough to talk to her openly about what he felt? He wanted to tell her everything now, how much he loved her, how much he loved Amelia, explain to her how guilty he had always felt about what happened at her birth and beg her to forgive him. He wouldn’t even care now if she was angry at him; he just wanted her awake.

Slowly, he bent down and pressed his lips to hers for a brief moment. The Doctor was moving around somewhere behind him, but he didn’t care.

“I love you, Kathryn,” he whispered into his ear. “And no matter what happens, I’ll take care of Amelia. The way I should have done from the beginning.”

But this was no fairy tale, and the sleeping woman did not awaken with a kiss. Chakotay resumed his position on the stool by her bed and continued cradling her hand in his. He’d stay with her until the very end. He didn’t fight the tears any more.

The door to sickbay opened and Chakotay turned to see Tom entering, Amelia in his arms. She had her arms hooked around her father’s neck and drew in a sharp breath when she saw Kathryn lying there.

Tom put her down and let her run to her mother. As he drew closer, he nodded to Chakotay, looking away as he noticed the other man’s tears. He shifted uncomfortably, sticking his hands into his pockets.

Amelia stood on tiptoes to look at her mother, wide eyes blinking slowly. The Doctor came out from his office when he heard the new arrivals. Tom noticed him.

“Don’t get any ideas yet, Doc,” he said quickly. “It’s just a visit for now.”

“I understand,” The Doctor said, although he looked put out.

Amelia touched her mother’s other hand. “Can’t she wake up?”

“Not yet,” The Doctor answered her, when neither Tom nor Chakotay seemed able. “The sleep helps her body stay strong.”

“But it won’t make her better?”

“No, I’m afraid not,” The Doctor said, with a half glance at Tom, who looked determinedly at the wall.

Amelia moved up closer to her mother’s head and reached up with her fingers to touch her hair. She drew back and looked at the Doctor.

“If she’s asleep does she not know I’m here?”

“Perhaps she does,” The Doctor said with a small smile. “I always think there’s a possibility patients are aware of what’s going on around them.”

“Can I tell her a story?”

“Why not?” The Doctor said. “It might help her to hear something cheerful. She’ll love the sound of your voice.”

Amelia nodded, and immediately leaned in to whisper in her mother’s ear. Chakotay decided to give her a moment of privacy and backed off to stand at the side with Tom. Neither man said it, but he knew they both thought they might be watching the last time the little girl would see her mother alive.

Tom’s expression was strained, and Chakotay did not think he had gotten much sleep. As much as he wanted the cure for Kathryn, Chakotay could not blame him for his hesitance.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Tom said, eyes on Amelia. “If you wanted to know.”

“I’m not going to push you, Tom,” Chakotay said, despite his own fear for Kathryn.

“I know you won’t, but I can see it in your face. You want me to say yes, but I just can’t.”

Chakotay did not deny it.

“I understand where you’re coming from, Tom,” Chakotay was able to say after a few moments. “I don’t want Amelia in any danger either. I remember how bad she was the last time she was sick, even after we got the cure from the Boraanians. But as much as I want you to say yes, I just keep thinking; what would Kathryn want?”

Tom nodded, then stared at the floor. “I thought about that too. She’d say no. She’d not want her daughter put at any risk.”

“I thought the same,” Chakotay admitted, fighting through the pain. “It might be hard for us, but that’s the decision she would make. And if you make it too, I’ll do my best to respect it.” He turned to look at Tom, seeing the other man was also tearful. “No one should be put in the position of potentially choosing to either save the life of their captain or their daughter.”

Tom laughed hollowly. “It seems I always get the easy choices. Do I admit to that accident on Caldik Prime? Do I raise my ex-lizard baby with my captain? Do I give weapons to evil aliens to save Amelia? Do I save Janeway or risk Amelia’s health?”

“Seems like you’ve got a lot of practice,” Chakotay remarked with a small smile. “You’ll make the right decision, Tom.”

Tom nodded gratefully, and let out a long sigh, running his hand through his hair.

The next moment, the two of them were surprised by Amelia suddenly racing over towards them. She halted in front of the two men, looking up at them with a determined expression, sticking her chin into the air.

“I’m going to help Mommy,” she announced proudly.

Tom groaned. “Amelia, it’s risky for you, remember? You could be hurt.”

Amelia shook her head. “If I can help Mommy, I want to.”

She turned then to Chakotay. “I told Mommy that story you told us about the warrior,” she said, eyes shining. “About the brave lady that the man wanted to help. I want to be brave like her and like Mommy. I want to be brave like Daddy too.”

Tom rounded on Chakotay, indignant. “What story? Have you influenced her—"

“I want to help Mommy!” Amelia shouted, bringing their attention back to her. She glared fiercely at both of them, placing her hands on her hips in a very familiar gesture. “And I’m _going_ to help Mommy.”

They stared at her, stunned for a good few moments at the sudden look of resolution on her young face. For a four year old, she was doing a pretty good job of looking intimidating.

“Oh, she’s definitely a Janeway,” The Doctor muttered in the background. “Her mother beat the Borg with that scowl.”

Tom looked from Amelia to Chakotay and then back again. His indecision began to waver. He crouched down and gestured for Amelia to come closer. He held her face in his hands for a moment and kissed her on the forehead.

“You’re such a brave girl,” he said, stroking her cheek. He sighed and looked up at the Doctor, mouth set in a grim line. “Let’s do it.”


	29. The Procedure

It was late in sickbay, and as the hours had passed the senior staff had trickled in to visit their captain, all standing silently around her bed as she slept, waiting for some sort of conclusion, a sense of finality to the terrible limbo they’d been in. Chakotay stood with them, not even caring that they might see him holding Kathryn’s hand. It was too late for that. No one said anything. All of them were wondering the same thing; would Tom bring Amelia or not?

The minutes ticked down. In only an hour’s time, the cell damage would be too great to reverse. It needed to be now.

The sickbay doors hissed open and Tom and B’Elanna walked in, Amelia between them, their hands in hers. The little girl looked nervous, but she walked determinedly, clutching her father’s hand tightly.

As one, everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

Tom and B’Elanna brought her to the bed closest to Kathryn’s, and Tom lifted her onto it, her tiny legs dangling over the edge. Tom was tense, his face a mask. B’Elanna stood beside him, taking his hand.

The Doctor had immediately gone to Amelia and ran his tricorder over her.

“The hyposprays I gave her have taken effect,” he said with a satisfied nod. “I’ve greatly increased the number of stem cells in her body. Extracting them now should be easier and leave her with less side effects.” He got Amelia to lie down as he prepared his equipment and ran some final scans. He looked up at Tom with an apologetic expression.

“I’m afraid I have to do this the old-fashioned way, straight from the bone with a needle,” he explained. “The other methods would be too harsh for her body’s immune system. I’ll give her some pain relief, but she’ll have to be awake for the procedure so I can monitor her readings. It won’t block out the pain in full.”

Tom nodded, jaw clenched tightly. Amelia lay back, listening to all this, blinking rapidly. Chakotay left Kathryn’s side to be nearer to her, heart swelling at the sight of her resolve. The Doctor gave her a hypospray for the pain, and moved her so she lay on her side, lifting her shirt a little to expose her hip.

When The Doctor returned with a long needle, Amelia’s eyes finally showed some fear.

“Daddy!” she cried, reaching out her hand.

Tom took it and held it tightly, kissing it. “It’ll be okay, sweetie.”

The Doctor began the procedure, and at first, Amelia bore it bravely, wincing slightly and squeezing her father’s hand. But as it wore on she began to cry and tried to squirm away. Tom stretched over her to stop her from thrashing around, his face agonising to watch.

“It’ll be over soon, I promise,” he said, own face in a grimace.

The Doctor finished the extraction and handed something to Seven who was acting as lab assistant. Then, with a reluctant expression of his own, he lifted the needle again and began the process anew.

It was excruciating to watch, and most of the senior staff winced and looked away. Chakotay almost couldn’t bear it. Hadn’t he once sworn to protect this child? To keep her from harm?

Finally, The Doctor was done, and he and Seven rushed off to the laboratory area to prepare the treatment for Kathryn. Tom immediately left to prepare another hypospray of pain relief for Amelia, leaving her with Chakotay. The little girl lay on her back, body trembling and tears pooled in the corners of her eyes.

Chakotay held her hand and smoothed back her hair, more in love than ever with this precious girl.

“Was I brave, Chakotay?” she asked him in a tiny voice. “Was I like the person in the story?”

“Braver,” he said, fighting his tears. “Braver than your mother and father together.”

“I agree.” Tom had returned, wiping his eyes. He pressed the hypospray to Amelia’s neck and then kissed her on the cheek. “The bravest of all of us.”

Amelia smiled softly and closed her eyes wearily. Chakotay and Tom stood over her for a while as The Doctor rushed around sickbay tending to Kathryn. The senior staff watched silently. Even Tuvok looked less composed than usual.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, The Doctor looked up from one of his monitors with a small smile.

“I believe it’s working,” he said, to audible gasps of relief. “There’s a long way to go, but it’s encouraging.”

Chakotay could have fallen upon his knees in gratitude, praying to every Spirit in the universe to thank them for saving her. As it was, he hid his face in his hands for a moment to recover himself. _She’s going to be alright … she’s going to be alright …_

“Now everybody, get out,” The Doctor said abruptly, analysing his readings. “That’s an order. The captain needs rest.”

Obediently, most of the crew shuffled out, most glancing back at the captain, and all stopping for a moment by Amelia’s bed to offer her a smile and a kind word, B’Elanna kissing her on the forehead. Chakotay ignored the order, but The Doctor seemed to have expected that.

He came over to Amelia and examined her carefully while Tom waited anxiously. The Doctor’s smile was promising.

“She seems to have suffered no ill effects,” he said and Tom exhaled loudly. “I’d like to keep her in sickbay for observation for a few days however.”

“Whatever you say, Doc.”

The Doctor pressed another hyposray to Amelia’s skin. “I’m just going to put you to sleep, Amelia. Your body needs to get strong again.”

“And sleep makes people strong again, like with Mommy,” Amelia said, nodding as she remembered his words from that morning.

The Doctor’s eyes lit up. “Well done!” He looked at Tom with a raised eyebrow. “Maybe she won’t be a scientist _or_ a pilot. _Doctor_ Paris-Janeway sounds rather nice, don’t you think?”

Tom opened his mouth to argue when a call came in over the comm.

“ _Bridge to Lieutenant Paris. There’s an urgent issue with the navigation array. The nebula is interfering with it.”_

Tom hesitated, chewing his lip. His eyes lingered on Amelia, whose eyelids were now beginning to droop.

“Go, Tom,” Chakotay said with a smile. “I’ll stay here for a while with her until you come back.”

“Thanks, Commander,” Tom said, rubbing at his eyes again. “Maybe it’ll do me some good to start thinking about work again for a little while.”

Tom signalled to the bridge that he was on his way and then left, leaving Chakotay alone with the two Janeways. The Doctor continued working over Kathryn for a while, his expression growing happier and happier. Chakotay took up his old position beside her bed and took her hand once more. Was it his imagination, or was her hand warmer now than it had been before?

Chakotay stayed there motionless, almost believing he could see Kathryn returning to life before his eyes. He watched her so long his entire body grew stiff with sitting in the same position. He stretched his neck and shoulders painfully, knowing he would pay for this later.

A small sound roused him to the fact that Amelia had woken up behind him. Placing Kathryn’s hand back on the bed, he crossed the room to where Amelia lay. She blinked up at him sleepily as Chakotay tucked her blanket around her.

“Is Mommy better yet?” she asked.

“She’s getting there,” Chakotay smiled, smoothing down the blanket. “Thanks to you.”

Amelia smiled to herself. She looked up at Chakotay, fixing him with her signature piercing look, the one more perceptive than the ship’s sensor array.

“Do you love my mommy, Chakotay?” she asked.

Chakotay didn’t want to lie to her.

“Yes, I do,” he admitted. “Very much.”

“Then you should tell her,” she said with a yawn. “Then you can get married.”

Chakotay chuckled. “I’d like that very much. But it’s not as easy as that.”

“Why not?” Her nose wrinkled in confusion. “Daddy told B’Elanna that he loved her and they’re getting married.”

He sighed, and crossed his face with his hand.

“It’s a little different than that. Mommy is the captain, and there are rules.”

She made a face. “Daddy says rules can be broken sometimes.”

Chakotay laughed and nodded, agreeing with her. He briefly pressed his lips to her forehead and waited with her until she fell back to sleep. Despite her Janeway glare and stubborn streak, she was most definitely Tom’s daughter.

He turned to look back at Kathryn. _Rules can be broken sometimes._

He thought of all the many rules he had broken in the past.

There were very few of them he had ever come to regret breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading and commenting! The next chapter will be the final one!


	30. The Final Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is - the final chapter! I hope you enjoy it!

When Kathryn had awoken in sickbay two weeks ago, she’d been profoundly confused. She had almost no memory of the accident in the _Delta Flyer_ and had been extremely surprised and distressed to find her daughter lying next to her on a biobed. She’d had a mild heart attack for a moment before The Doctor hurried over to inform her of what had happened.

It had taken her a long time to get her head around it all, but Amelia had been delighted to tell her of how brave she’d been and how she’d saved her life. Kathryn couldn’t do much more than hold her closely and thank whatever power there was in the universe that this wonderful child had been returned to her four years ago.

Tom and B’Elanna were regular visitors, almost never leaving sickbay to keep Amelia entertained while she remained under The Doctor’s observation. Tom had approached Kathryn nervously, possibly worried about what she’d say about his decision, but Kathryn hadn’t spoken about it with him, simply pulling him into one of their rare hugs in gratitude. She didn’t envy the choice he’d had to make. She wasn’t sure what decision she would have made if she’d been in his position.

Chakotay had been at her side when she’d awoken, and stayed with her almost the first full day, telling her everything that had happened. He sat close by her, and held her hand freely, and though Kathryn had been surprised, she welcomed it. Waking up to his face was definitely something she could get used to.

Unfortunately, in her absence, his presence was often required on the bridge, and after determining that she was no longer in danger, he restricted his visits to an hour a night after his shift. They talked for a long time, sometimes alone, sometimes with Amelia, often reading her a story or playing with her. Although their talk never strayed far from ship’s business and general topics, she sensed a deeper purpose to these talks, almost as if he were working up to something.

After a week, she’d been ordered to rest in her quarters, where Chakotay had visited her and Amelia every night, joining them for dinner, bringing presents for Amelia and flowers for Kathryn. She was utterly amazed at the transformation in him. When he left every evening, he always made sure to hold her hand and wish her goodnight, staring so deeply into her eyes she felt she could lose herself in them entirely. After he left, she couldn’t resist smiling. Amelia watched her after these encounters, her expression unnervingly knowing.

But now, two weeks on, Kathryn was finally ready to return to her duties, and her first one was to be a very special one indeed.

“Mommy! Look at me!” Amelia spun around her quarters, her pink dress flying out around her, a pink so bright it matched the flushing of her cheeks. As could have been predicted, she lost her balance and fell down into a heap but bounced up again quickly. “I’ve got flowers, look!”

“You did explain to her the concept of a flower girl, didn’t you?” Chakotay asked Kathryn as they laughed. Kathryn just gave him a playful shove.

“Amelia, sweetie, don’t keep spinning, all the flowers will lose their petals, see?” Kathryn told her, adjusting the flower crown in her hair and her bouquet. “You want to look extra special for Daddy’s wedding, don’t you?”

“Uh huh,” she nodded, her eyes aglow with excitement.

“Good, then go and get your shoes,” Kathryn said, giving her a gentle shove towards the bedroom. Amelia ran off happily and Kathryn turned back to Chakotay. She couldn’t help but admire him in his dress uniform. Had he always been this handsome?

“When you left Deep Space Nine seven years ago, did you ever think you’d be having weddings and children on board?” Chakotay asked her as they took a seat in her living area.

“Not a chance.” She shook her head. “I still can’t believe what this six-week mission turned into. I set out trying to capture you, and now …”

“And now?” Chakotay leaned in, intense expression in his eyes, lips twitching.

Kathryn smiled. “Now I can’t imagine a day without you.”

Chakotay took her hand and raised it to his lips, not removing his eyes from hers. “Nor I without you.”

Kathryn’s heart was racing and she almost began to lean in, desperate to close the gap between this man and herself.

But just as she was about to give in, Amelia came storming in, announcing that she couldn’t find her shoe.

Kathryn rolled her eyes, and went to help her look for it, trying not to feel irritated. Once Amelia was finally ready, with both shoes on the correct feet and all her flowers still reasonably covered with petals, it was time to leave. Chakotay was standing waiting at the exit to her quarters. He extended his arm to her.

“Give me some practice before I escort B’ELanna, will you?” he winked. Kathryn grinned and took his arm, and they walked like that all the way to the mess hall, Amelia running ahead of them in her dress. _Almost like it was us getting married_ , she thought to herself with a smile.

Once they arrived outside the door to the mess hall, Chakotay took Amelia by the hand to go and stand with B’Elanna while Kathryn went inside. She gasped as she did so, amazed by how Neelix had managed to transform the place. It was astonishingly beautiful, with huge multitudes of flowers gathered on every surface. A great number of the crew were already there milling around in their dress uniform, excitement on everyone’s face. Kathryn greeted a few people who welcomed her back and made her way to the head of the room where Tom was waiting next to Harry under a large canopy.

He grinned as she approached. “Glad to see you back, Captain,” he said, as Harry also nodded.

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the universe, Tom,” she said, clasping his hands. “I’m so happy for the two of you.”

She took her position and Tom stood close by her, his eyes flicking towards the door to the mess hall.

“You nervous?” she asked.

A warm smile broke out on his face. “You’d think I would be,” he laughed. “Knowing B’Elanna and all. But I’m not, not in the slightest. Of all the decisions I’ve had to make in my life, this has been the easiest by far.”

The next moment, music was piped in through the computer and the mess hall doors opened to reveal Amelia. She walked down the aisle with a massive grin on her face, holding her flowers proudly. Kathryn was so focused on her, she almost didn’t see B’Elanna walking behind her, arm in arm with Chakotay. Although in her dress uniform, and not having done much in the way of adding to her usual style of hair and make-up, Kathryn had never seen her look as beautiful.

And when Tom and B’Elanna met at the front and looked at each other as they exchanged rings, Kathryn knew deep in her heart that this was true love, that nothing in the universe could separate these two. She caught Chakotay’s eyes for a moment when the happy couple kissed as she pronounced them man and wife. The look he gave her then made her blush and turn away.

After the ceremony, the party was moved to the holodeck where Tom had constructed a wonderful Hawaiian beach programme, complete with a luau. Neelix had pulled out all the stops with the food, utilising both Human and Klingon recipes (the latter remaining mostly untouched), and as the holographic sun began to set on the beach revellers, Kathryn couldn’t help but sigh and think about how she was the luckiest captain in Starfleet to have discovered such happiness in such circumstances.

She’d changed out of her dress uniform into a light summer dress, and as she moved between the happy wedding guests, she observed a great number of them beginning to look severely inebriated.

“I don’t think Neelix has been using synthehol,” Kathryn observed to B’Elanna with a laugh, pointing to two engineering crewmen as they laughed themselves silly looking at a pineapple.

B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “To be honest, Captain, they’d be like that anyway.” She gestured to the bar which Neelix was standing at. “He traded for a whole bunch of ale at the last planet we visited. Guess we know why now.”

“I guess so,” Kathryn laughed. She put aside her own drink, already beginning to feel the heady effects of approaching intoxication. Party though it was, she did not think it was wise for the crew to see their captain drunk.

B’Elanna hesitated for a moment, before turning to the Kathryn, a crease on her brow.

“Captain, I just want to say …” she began, fumbling for the words. “I guess, I’m a little nervous about being Amelia’s step-mom. Officially, I mean. I don’t want you to ever think that I’ll be stepping on your toes or anything—"

“B’Elanna, feel free to step on my toes any time you feel like it,” Kathryn said, taking the other woman by the hand. “There is no one else in the universe who I’d be happier to have as my daughter’s step-mother. You’ve already been a fantastic mother to her, and I just know you will be for your own children as well someday.”

B’Elanna smiled, blinking away some tears. “If I am, Captain, it’ll be thanks to you. My own mom wasn’t much of a role model.”

Kathryn pulled the other woman into a hug. She thought back to her words to Chakotay earlier. If her original mission _had_ been successful, she would have captured this woman and handed her over to be imprisoned as a Maquis terrorist. Such a thing was unthinkable now.

B’Elanna pulled back and dabbed at her eyes. “Thanks, Captain, for everything,” she said. “I don’t think I’d ever have found happiness if it hadn’t been for you welcoming us on board and treating us the way you did.” She looked at a point somewhere behind Kathryn. “And with all due respect, Captain, I think you’ve found your happiness too.”

Kathryn turned to see that Chakotay was standing a little way behind her. He smiled at her, eyes moving up and down her body. He looked irresistible in his open necked white shirt. He had a bottle of champagne in one hand and a couple of glasses in another.

“Care to join me on a walk?” He winked at her, and Kathryn knew she couldn’t have resisted if she’d tried.

They walked for a while along the beach until they were mostly out of the sight and hearing of the other party guests. Chakotay sat down on the sand and patted a spot beside him. Kathryn settled herself down, conscious of just how close his warm body was to hers. He poured the champagne and they drank it, looking out over the ocean before them as the sun set over it, transforming it into a pool of orange and red.

“I thought this would be nicer,” he said, tapping the bottle. “That ale Neelix has is getting everybody pretty rowdy. I didn’t think the captain would like to be seen running around trying to wrestle a targ.”

“Oh, _that’s_ what that noise is?” Kathryn laughed, glancing back at the party. “Amelia will like that. You know me too well.”

“Yes, I do,” Chakotay said, and they went back to looking out over the ocean. The crashing of the waves was both thrilling and relaxing, and after a while Kathryn closed her eyes in pleasure as she listened to the crying of the gulls and smelt the tang of the salty air. A slight breeze ruffled her hair.

She opened her eyes and saw that Chakotay was watching her intensely mouth slightly parted. Kathryn met his gaze fully, feeling her body react under his scrutiny. They were out of uniform. There were no more physical barriers marking them out now.

And even if there were, why was she about to let that stop her? Once, there had been an even bigger barrier between them. They had been enemies, Starfleet and Maquis. But she’d surmounted that one a long time ago. Why couldn’t this one last barrier between them be surmounted too?

She wasn’t sure if it was the atmosphere of the party, the look of love she’d seen on Tom and B’Elanna’s faces, her recent brush with death, or the alcohol she’d just consumed, but she grew bold. She wanted no one in the universe but him. And she was determined to have him. There was only one decision left.

Kathryn seized her chance. She leaned in quickly and pressed her lips to his for a brief moment. He started in surprise, and she pulled back, suddenly afraid she had misread him. But a wide grin broke out on his face and the next moment he leaned back in and captured her mouth with his own, reaching out with both arms to pull her close to him.

It was utter bliss, Kathryn thought as their lips moved together and their bodies pressed closer to one another and their kiss grew more heated. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he had his hands in her hair. Their kiss deepened and a moan sounded in the back of Kathryn’s throat as his hands roamed all over her, caressing her in a way which made her tingle all over. She was dizzy, light-headed, but none of that mattered because she was here in his arms.

_She finally had him_.

After a time, they broke apart, each panting heavily. Kathryn could not keep the smile from her face, and apparently, neither could he.

“Kathryn,” he murmured, cupping her face with his hands. “You have _no_ idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“Likewise,” she said. She knew she was grinning like a child, but she didn’t care.

He gently leaned in and kissed her again, this time slower, more deliberately. He leaned his forehead against hers, their breath warm in each other’s faces.

“I love you, Kathryn,” he said, his voice husky and breathless. “I’ve loved you since the first moment you stood in front of me with your hands on your hips and ordered me around.”

Kathryn laughed, even as her insides exploded with delight. She reached up and traced the outline of his tattoo on his face. “And I’ve loved you since the first time you brought me a cup of coffee.”

“Coffee, huh? I thought that might have been it,” he laughed, leaning in to kiss her again. “I’ll have to remember that.”

Their lips met in another kiss, and Kathryn thought she could quite happily stay here for the rest of their voyage to the Alpha Quadrant. That was, until they were interrupted by an excited squeal from somewhere behind them.

They broke apart hastily and turned to see Amelia behind them, jumping up and down clapping her hands together, a massive smile on her face.

“This means you’re going to get married too!” She yelled in delight. “I’m going to have a step-daddy _and_ a step-mommy!”

Kathryn and Chakotay laughed. “I think it’s a little soon for that, Amelia,” she said, but as she caught Chakotay’s eye, she was no in doubt that that was exactly what he wanted too.

Amelia shook her head. “Nope. You’re getting married. Do it now so I can wear my dress again. Please?”

“Amelia—"

“Alright, we are,” Chakotay said, grinning as he looked between them. “But it’s a secret, and you can’t tell anyone yet.”

“What if I do?” Amelia had stopped jumping and eyed him warily.

“I’ll have to throw you in the brig,” he shrugged.

Amelia watched him a for a moment, eyes narrowed. “I don’t believe you.”

“Well, I’ll just have to show you,” Chakotay growled, leaping up to grab her and Amelia squealed and began to run away along the beach towards the party, her feet making huge splashes as she crashed through the surf. Chakotay chased after her, and Kathryn laughed at the sight of them running through the water and getting themselves soaked before she herself abandoned her dignity and began to run after them both.

After a few moments, all three of them were dripping wet, and Chakotay had scooped Amelia up into his arms as she screamed with delight. Kathryn didn’t care that most of the crew were watching, nor that they whooped and cheered as Chakotay pulled her in for another kiss. She was happier than she’d ever been.

On this seven-year unexpected journey, she knew she’d made the best decisions of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to everyone who has read and commented on this story over the last couple months. I appreciate every single one of you! ❤
> 
> I'd also appreciate any constructive criticism on my first attempt at writing in the Star Trek fandom. It was also my first time writing American characters, so if there were any glaring errors in my attempts at American dialogue please let me know! 
> 
> Again, thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! This fic has been completed so expect updates every few days or so! :)


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